


Back To You (What Love Is)

by pam_a_lamb



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Gotham City Sirens (Comics), Harley Quinn (Comics), Poison Ivy (Comics)
Genre: F/F, Semerket on ff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-05 20:11:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 60,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13395369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pam_a_lamb/pseuds/pam_a_lamb
Summary: Ivy is sick of Harley's delusions. After Ivy reveals her feelings to Harley, she does what she can to lead her away from the Joker's abuse as the couple deals with threats both inside and outside of Arkham Asylum. When the situation deteriorates, they find themselves entering into a tense alliance with Batman and the police to save Gotham City.* Updates Everyday *





	1. Chapter 1: Battered Leaves

_Late Autumn_

Poison Ivy cranked up the thermostat in her greenhouse. The temperature dropped significantly as night approached and it was cold enough to snow by now. She could hear the eerie murmur of the wind as it whipped past the balding trees, batting down more leaves with each consecutive pass. Ivy was in the process of switching the lights on in her hideout when she heard a faint rapping on the door. Believing that it was nothing more than the wind, she almost chose to ignore it, but then it became louder and more urgent.

Ivy wasn't exactly popular (in a good way) so it was pretty easy to narrow down the list of who would have the gall to pay her a visit: Catwoman knew better, and Batman would never knock, so that meant it had to be... The redhead sighed as she heard Harley Quinn's nasally voice through the door.

"Hellooooooow! Anybody hoooome?"

" _Great_." Ivy grumbled as she undid the locks and hesitantly cracked the door open. It had been a while since they had spoken and they had not parted ways on good terms.

"Hiya Red!" The blond chirped chummily.

Ivy took a good look at her. She was wearing a black and red leather vest that left her arms exposed and a pair of torn black jeans. It was a miracle she had even managed shoes. It was obvious Harley had left in a hurry. Ivy could also see some fresh bruising on Harley's neck. She was like another battered leaf that had been blown against Ivy's doorstep. "Yes?"

Harley's cheer melted and her smile was replaced with a pout. "I know you told me you nevah wanna see me again..." Ivy hadn't slammed the door in her face so she took that as a cue to continue, "But I-"

That was right. She had told Harley to stop dragging herself back to her hideout every time she fell out with her psychotic boyfriend. Ivy had planned on telling her to get lost, but she had this look on her face. It was an expression unique to Harley; it was a combination of pouting and sad puppy dog eyes. Ivy wanted to scream at her, to slam the door in her face as she had every right too, but she was always powerless in the face of... Oh Gaia, she was starting to cry now.

"Come inside, Harley." Ivy held the door open and the blond bounded inside and wrapped the plant hybrid up in a crushing embrace.

"Oh, thank you! Thank you, Red! You're my best-est friend in the whole world."

Ivy grumbled under her breath, "Yes, I am." Ivy could feel the other woman shivering. "No coat?"

Harley had only the clothes on her back and a small tote bag. She just shook her head and smiled as she moved further into the warmth of Ivy's home. She chirped happily, "I thought I'd come by to visit my best-est girlfriend, ya know because 'tis the season' and all that stuff."

Ivy scoffed, as if  _she_  had ever celebrated the holidays. And what the hell should Ivy be thankful for? Deforestation? The senseless murder and desecration of millions of innocent young pines? Batman's constant interference in her noble crusade? A bubblehead that didn't return her feelings? Go to hell, Harley.

She could barely keep the condescension out of her voice, "You don't have to lie, dear. Where did he hurt you this time?"

Harley became defensive, "Hey! I've been meanin' to come see you, ya know. I don't just forget about you."

Ivy rolled her eyes. "Liar." The only thing her obsessive brain could ever consider with any consistency was the Joker.

"It's the truth, Red!"

Ivy said impatiently, "Where are you hurt?"

Harley waved it off, "It's no big deal. Just a few bruises. Nothin' major."

Ivy raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. Harley rarely came over when she wasn't in dire need of  _something_. "Are you hungry? When did you last eat?"

Harley's grin spread from ear to ear. Red was so great. "I am feelin' a bit peckish."

"You can help yourself, Harley. There's fruit in that bowl. I can make you something."

Noticing the bowl on the kitchen counter, Harley grabbed an apple and bit into it greedily. She ate it like a machine. Ivy realized that Joker had probably locked her up and starved her. His torture techniques varied from time to time.

"Yea, Puddin got tired of me eatin' so much so he put all these funny locks on the cabinets. But then the silly bear wouldn't let me leave my room! A girl's gotta eat sometime, right Red?"

"It never ceases to amaze me how nonchalant you are about being abused." Ivy grumbled as she moved about the kitchen.

The blond rolled her eyes, "I'm not bein'  _abused_ , Red. Puddin' just has a unique sensahumah. He don't mean nuthin' by it!" Ivy cringed at the denial.

The redhead didn't have a lot of food in her kitchen as her plant-like inclinations had her living on a sort of raw vegan diet by default. She always had fresh fruits and vegetables readily available for herself. It was too risky to let herself be seen in a grocery store when her face was plastered all over the news; not that she minded, she hated shopping anyway. So most of the food she had on hand was either canned or had a long expiration date. She really just kept it around for Harley if she should come by to visit. She heated up a bowl of stew and gave it to the eager blond along with a few slices of bread. "Here. Try this."

"Thanks, Red. This is great!"

Harley was such a sweet person. Hurting her was like hurting a puppy. How anyone could treat her that way was beyond the redhead. Then Ivy remembered something: the Joker was  _evil_.

It was quiet for several minutes as Harley annihilated the stew she'd been given. Realizing that she'd probably still be hungry, Ivy threw together a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to supplement it. Harley inhaled that too, along with an orange and a banana. After the blond finished, she excused herself to take a hot shower.

Ivy was listening to the news from the TV as she busied herself with several nearby plants. When Harley came out of the bathroom she was wearing a snug red sleep shirt with a monkey on the front; the blond had probably found it in the junior's section, Harley was slender enough. She had also managed to find a pair of black shorts, though Ivy wasn't sure if those were hers or the blond's. Her hair was out of its usual pigtails as she dried her wet hair with a towel on her way to the living room. Ivy watched her from the corner of her eye.

"Whatcha watchin?" She flopped down on the couch unceremoniously.

_Your marvelous bare legs._  Ivy pushed the thought away and willed herself to look at Harley's... uppermost regions. "I was waiting to hear the weather. I think it might snow soon."

Harley was relieved that Ivy kept her home so incredibly warm. She supposed it had something to do with Ivy's plant DNA; she preferred a more tropical climate and she maintained it pretty well. It was hell in the summer though, as the redhead was completely oblivious to the oppressive heat.

"Boooooring!" Harley whined. Ivy was wearing her usual leafy 'bikini' and nothing else. The blond could never understand how she got a bunch of leaves to fit her special places so perfectly.

"I'm sorry I'm not more entertaining for you."

"It's okay, Red. I love you anyway." Unbeknownst to the blond, Ivy's heartbeat quickened at her words, even if she hadn't meant them in  _that_  way. "So whatcha been up too lately?"

Ivy shrugged as she joined Harley on the couch. "Keeping to myself mostly. I'd rather not be dragged back to Arkham."

"How do they stay on?"

Ivy blinked at the abrupt change in topic, "Excuse me?"

"The leaves!" She gestured animatedly at her 'clothing'.

Ivy chuckled. Harley always asked and Ivy always gave her the same answer, "Magic." The redhead's attention refocused on the TV as she made a mental note of the forecasts. She needed to prep her babies for wintertime.

Harley was fascinated by the green tendrils on Ivy's arm. The fluid twists and curls were reminiscent of a green, full body henna tattoo. A few small leaves could be seen sprouting here and there. Ivy was such an exotic creature. She brazenly grabbed her arm and began exploring it.

"My arm is interesting now?"

She rolled her eyes and said in mock exasperation, "Yea. You might be kinda interesting, Red." She ignored Harley as she fondled her arm. The blond was always touchy-feely and exploratory. It wasn't long before Harley's curiosity was sated and she leaned back on the couch.

Ivy said seductively, "Any other parts you'd like to feel up?"

Harley guffawed and swatted Ivy's arm. "That was a good one, Red! You're getting better at this."

Ivy chuckled. "I might have a good teacher."

"Might, huh?"

The redhead grinned. "Yea, I might."

"Ever been acquainted with the concept of pants?"

Ivy winked. "You know you like it, Harl."

"Ha ha!" the blond laughed. She did like it though. Putting clothes on Ivy would be like putting clothes on a peacock. "You're just an exhibitionist." Harley noticed a vine creeping towards her after that comment. "Hey, what's goin' on here?" She gestured at the vine suspiciously. "What's he doin?" She let out a squeal as she was flanked by several vines that narrowed in and began tickling her mercilessly. "Okay, I'm s- s- s- sorry I t- t- t- take it back!" The vines stopped and receded.

Ivy chuckled at her. Harley was laughing, but she stopped suddenly and grimaced.

Ivy sat up straight. Her demeanor darkened immediately, "Where are you hurt?"

"I told you-"

The plant hybrid was worried, "You lied. What happened?" Ivy's hands where on Harley's shirt and she quickly hiked it up revealing a massive bruise covering a large percentage of her left side. Ivy began shaking with outrage at the sight of it. "God damn it, Harley!"

"Red!" She snatched her shirt down in annoyance.

"Bruises?" The green woman scoffed, "I know a busted rib when I see one."

"They're not broken. Just bruised." She reassured her now angry friend. She grabbed Ivy's hand and let her press on the base of her rib cage. "See! Not broken, Red."

The redhead was fuming- as if bruised versus broken made a difference! Ivy snatched her hand away in irritation and popped out of her seat. "That bastard!"

Harley stood up too, "Don't even start about Puddin'! It was an accident this time."

Ivy laughed, but it was devoid of humor, "An accident?  _This time_? Do you know what you sound like?"

Red, you're being sucha… sucha... bitch! Of course, Harley didn't say that aloud. Despite what some might infer about her being with the Joker, pain was  _not_ something she enjoyed. And if the fury in the elemental's eyes was any indication, then Ivy was in the process of upgrading her status from irate to homicidal.

"Why? Why? Why do you go back to him?!" She paced back and forth, "He's just going to end up killing you one day!" Ivy screamed at the top of her lungs as if a higher decibel would penetrate Harley's brain more easily. "Is that what you want, Harley? Do you want him to kill you?!"

Harley tuned her out. Red just didn't understand because she had never been in love before. She'd never be able to grasp what she felt for Mistah J. "Nah! Nah! Nah! I'm not listening!"

"I know you can hear me!"

The blond made faces at Ivy, "Whatwassat? I can't hear you! I'm not listening!" Harley covered her ears and shook her head in denial. It just made Ivy raise her voice even louder.

"You are such a child!"

That struck a nerve. Harley brought her hands down and yelled back, "And you're a snob who thinks she's better than everybody else! It's either Ivy's way or the highway! You're always right and everyone else is wrong. You think I don't notice the way you talk down to me like I'm a goddamn retard?"

Ivy replied hotly, "Well maybe if you'd stop acting like one, people wouldn't make those kinds of assumptions about your intellectual capacity!"

"Paranoid!"

"Flake!"

"Crazy 'ole plant lady!"

"Co-dependent!"

The blond was at the last straw. She was tired of Ivy's judgmental bipolar ranting. It was getting to a point where Ivy did this  _every_  time she visited. "Damn it! What's your problem, Red? Are you jealous or somethin'? Sheesh!"

"My problem is that he beats you, he tries to kill you, and god knows what else! He doesn't respect you. He doesn't even  _want_  you! And yet you keep crawling back to him! He's going to do this over and over. You take 'battered wife syndrome' to a whole other level. You make women look bad. It's disgusting!"

Harley snarled, "No, your problem is that you don't understand. You don't understand because you don't know what it's like to be in love. You're just a man-hater who hangs out with a bunch of stupid plants all day because she's too anti-social to make real friends- you don't even know what real love is! You aren't even capable!"

"I don't know what-" Ivy was appalled at the audacity of her accusation. She laughed angrily, "No, Harley. You're the one that doesn't understand what love is." She hissed, "Love is when I sit up at night worrying about you. Love is when I nurse you back to health! Love is when I help you to the bathroom after Puddin' has broken your leg! Love is when I cook for you. Love is when I feed you because you can barely sit up. Love is when I do little things to make you feel good. Love is when I try to get it through your impossibly thick skull that he is the embodiment of evil..."

The rage was now being augmented by a stream of tears, "And you know what makes me so sick? I mean, it makes me  _physically_   _ill_ , Harley. The very idea, that after everything I've done for you- everything I continue to do- I actually have to compete with that son of a bitch for your affection! I spend all this time and energy on someone that wouldn't know the definition of a healthy relationship if her life depended on it, which judging from your injuries- it does depend on it. Honestly, I don't know why I bother with you anymore! You'll never want me the way I want you!"

She turned as though she were about to leave, but then she spun back around to face the blond, "How dare you come into  _my_  house and tell me that I don't know what love is!"

Then she shrieked, "FUCK YOU, HARLEY! FUCK YOU!"

Harley's eyes were wide and blinking at Ivy's admission. Ivy didn't give her any time to respond as she quickly turned on her heel and retreated into her lab. Harley could hear the door slamming. Even the plants in the room seemed to recoil at the commotion.


	2. Chapter 2: Sunshine

 

The blond sat on the arm of the couch in a stunned silence. Wow. All this time Red had feelings for her, more than friendly feelings? That explained a lot of Red's issues with Mistah J. She was jealous. "I really am as stupid as Mistah J says I am. All this time and I didn't even notice my best friend was in love with me."

Harley had never considered Ivy in a more than friendly way. Well, actually she had (by accident!) on numerous occasions, but that's just because Ivy was gorgeous and sensual and completely devoid of any sense of modesty. Even a blind nun would be hard pressed to avoid an erection at the sight of Ivy's attributes, but it wasn't like she ever thought to-

Harley's eyes grew wider. " _Holy shit!"_  She would never have imagined that she might be able to have Ivy in that way. For someone as classy and gorgeous and smart as Red to want someone like  _her_  was just... Harley let out a low whistle. The blond didn't know what to think about that. She had never considered that she could do better than the Joker, and even still she hardly deserved him. But Red was actually an  _option_. Although considering how angry she was, maybe that option was now permanently off the table.

Eventually Harley heard the door to Ivy's lab open and the redhead, who was clearly still fuming, made a beeline past her. She didn't spare Harley a glance as she made her way up the stairs. The plants trembled when Ivy's bedroom door slammed shut. Most sane people would have sense enough to vacate the premises after surviving a screaming match with Poison Ivy, but not Harley.

Harley Quinn was  _far_  from sane.

She wasn't sure how long she had been sitting there considering her best friend, but Harley knew she might not be able to call Ivy that anymore unless she engaged in some serious damage control. The blond waited at least fifteen minutes before she mustered up the courage to go up to Ivy's room. Standing outside her door, she carefully turned the knob and peeked inside. She was greeted with darkness. She could tell that Ivy was on the on the far side of the bed and facing away from the door. Harley carefully pulled back the blankets and climbed into bed with her. She sidled up behind her and hugged her. This wasn't anything new on Harley's part; she always crawled into bed with Ivy like this, it had just never occurred to her that it may have meant something different to the redhead. She knew Ivy was still awake; it always took her a while to fall asleep.

"Red?" She ventured carefully as she rubbed Ivy's arm gently. She could feel the slight ridges of the mini plant tendrils that traced her body. Harley didn't have any vines wrapped around her neck yet so that was probably a good sign. She sat up slightly and leaned over to try and see Ivy's face in the dark. There was little to no light in the room save for the not-quite-full moon shining in from the window that Ivy was facing. As her eyes adjusted more to the dark, she was able to make out the sheen of moisture on her friend's face. Ivy was crying.

"Red, I didn't mean it."

She could hear a sniffle or two. Harley was beginning to cry too as she felt the guilt gnaw away at her. Ivy was her guardian angel and she had treated her like crap. The blond pleaded in the dark as she brushed Ivy's hair away from her face, "Please, don't cry, Red. I wasn't thinkin." Harley rested her face in the crook of Ivy's neck. "It's like I've got a bazooka for a mouth. Can we talk about it?"

The redhead shuddered involuntarily as she felt the blond's hot breath on her neck. She could smell Harley's hair. She smelled like soap. Ivy muttered bitterly between sniffles, "There isn't anything to say."

"Didja wanna hit me? Would that make ya feel better?"

She felt Ivy's body stiffen. Her voice was rough, "I'm not like  _him_. Causing you pain doesn't lift my spirits."

She lifted her head up from Ivy's neck so that she could see the woman's face better. The blond's eyes had finally adjusted to the dark. "I didn't mean it like  _that_ , Red." Harley was still snuggled up to her friend. The blond noticed, not for the first time, that Ivy was a very curvaceous woman.

"But is it really any different?"

"Do you think you could forgive me?" Soft… Ivy was very soft too.

"Just," Ivy sounded genuinely miserable, "Just go to sleep, Harley."

"No." The blond insisted. Ivy always tried to put emotional things off until they were forgotten. She could hear Harley's befuddlement, "Red, are you in love with me?"

Her inquiry was met with silence as Ivy now appeared to be asleep. "Red?"

Harley shook her a little. "Red?" She remained still.

"Reeeeed?" Harley said it in a sing-song voice as she resorted to light tickling, but unfortunately the redhead wasn't ticklish.

Reeeeeed?" The blond had a mischievous glint in her eye as she leaned over and thrust her tongue into Ivy's ear.

"Ugh!  _Harley_!" Ivy's hand shot up to her ear as she wiped away the spittle. She swatted at the blond as she turned to face her.

The blond giggled as she moved back slightly to avoid flailing arms. She settled down on the pillow across from hers. The blond clapped her hands twice and the lamp turned on.

Ivy groaned and recoiled as she squinted at the sudden introduction of light. "I'm surprised you're still here, seeing as how I'm a paranoid anti-social that hangs out with my stupid plants as substitutes for real friends."

Harley cringed at the hurt in her voice. "I didn't mean those things. I really like your stupid plants- especially the one that eats people." Harley sniffed as her eyes became moist, "And I don't want you to think that I don't appreciate what you do for me. Because I do, Red, I do. And I'm sorry that I always make you sad when I visit. I just get upset when you say bad things about Mistah J."

"I don't want you to  _die_ , Harley. I worry all the time."

Harley reached out and grabbed Ivy's hand and squeezed it reassuringly, "Nobody's gonna die, Red. It'll be okay."

Ivy's smile was sad. "No. One day you'll leave me and I'll never see you again. If he lets the police find your body I might hear about it on the evening news. And the really sad thing is that I'll be the only person who misses you when you're gone. Do you think the Joker will be broken up about it after he murders you?"

"Red, you're exaggerating!" Harley was slipping further back into dipstick-denial-mode.

Ivy chuckled sadly. She rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. Harley was so  _exhausting_  when she was like this. She just sapped Ivy's energy with her sick rationalizations. It was like talking to a brick wall- a brick wall with little to no regard for its own wellbeing. "Harley, you enrage me to distraction." She stated matter-of-factly. "There are only two things in this world that piss me off more than you: deforestation and the Joker."

"What about Bats?" The blond ventured carefully as she hugged her pillow.

"Nope." Ivy said calmly, "You upset me far more than he ever could." Batman had never actually made Ivy  _cry_. Only Harley had that kind of power- Harley and Corporate America.

The blond was quiet as she chewed her bottom lip. She wasn't really sure how to respond to that. "Then why are you my friend?"

"Because you make me happier than anyone else. I even..." Ivy was embarrassed to admit it so she mumbled it under her breath, "Prefer your company to my plants." She continued to stare up at the ceiling as she felt herself blush a deeper shade of green.

Harley laughed and pushed Ivy good-naturedly, "You're just sayin' that!"

"Yea, that  _may_  have been an exaggeration there…" It wasn't.

"Soooo…" Sensing the shift in mood, Harley scooted closer to the redhead. She batted her eye lashes at the redhead and asked playfully, "Are you in loooove with me?"

Ivy turned back over to face the blond. She propped herself up on her elbow and asked with exasperation, "Oh, Harley, why does it matter?"

"Cause I wanna know. It matters ta me, Red."

"It's irrelevant." The redhead huffed in annoyance.

Her non-response was clearly an affirmative. She could tell by Harley's expression that she wasn't going to back down. The blond stared at her expectantly, "For how long?"

"I can't remember…" Ivy stared down at the bed, "Maybe a year or… so." Or  _forever_.

The blond was more than a little annoyed, "Howcum you never said nuthin?"

"Because you needed me." Ivy had resignation in her voice, "Almost every time you've been here you were either hurt, or sick, or you needed a shoulder to cry on. You needed a friend. I felt like I would have been taking advantage of your vulnerability. And once you were feeling better you'd just leave me anyway."

"Well, Red." Harley became shy as she sidled up and danced her fingers across the redhead's belly, "What if I  _wanted_  you to take advantage of me right now?"

There was a long silence as Ivy's brain underwent a hard restart. "Are you…  _hitting on me_?" She asked as though it were a foreign concept. "Is this some kind of joke?"

"Sheesh! Way to kill the mood, Red. I'm tryin' to be coy an' stuff."

"You don't have to do that, Harley." Ivy wanted Harley completely. She refused to settle for a pity fuck even if it was tempting.

She rolled her eyes, "I know I don't  _have to_ , but maybe I want too."

"Why? Why now? You've never expressed an interest in the past."

"Well, neither have you, silly!" Harley poked the redhead on the belly.

Ivy grabbed Harley's roaming hand and placed it on the bed. "Yes, and I explained my reasons. What could yours be?"

And there was the million dollar question. Even Harley wasn't sure how to answer that. She had never considered Red as an option in the past, but the idea was not disagreeable. It was quite the opposite actually, and with the revelation about Ivy's feelings her curiosity had been peaked by new possibilities.

"I… I'm not sure. I guess I'd never really thought about it, ya know?"

Ivy was skeptical and defensive, "And you're what? Suddenly a lesbian now?"

Red was so infuriating at times. "Pfft! You are so weird! You say you wanna do me and as soon as I express an interest you get all disbelieving and paranoid." Harley crossed her eyes and did an impression of paranoid Ivy, "What are you up too? What do you want from me? Why are you doing this? I'll kill you all! Ow…" Harley whined as she felt a pinch on her thigh. "Seriously, Red, why can't you just be like a normal person and say, 'hell yes!' and drill me already? If you were a guy you'd be finishing up by now."

Ivy felt her temper flare and she struggled to rein it in. It was disgusting the way Harley talked about herself like she was some kind of object to be used- . Argh! She answered in clipped tones, " _Because_  you are more special than that, Harley. That's why."

" _No, I'm not_. Why can't you understand that?" Harley sighed, "I'm just cheap trash from the lower east side. I mean, even my name is cheap." She rolled her eyes, "Harleen Quinzel. God, that's just awful, isn't it? I'm not like you, Red. You're smart and gorgeous- you could have  _anyone_  you want! So why the hell would you want me? It's not just 'cause I'm the only one that knocks on the door, is it? Cause if that's the case I'm sure the mailman probably has more going for himself. I mean, he's got a job, right?"

"Harley, I didn't say I wanted to," Ivy rolled her eyes at the term, "' _drill you_ ,' I explained that I have feelings for you…" She muttered the last part. "Indirectly anyway."

Harley whined, "Red, this doesn't make any sense."

Ivy snapped, "You're right. It doesn't make any sense that you pine after this ugly little clown man that hates you." The blond felt Ivy's hand encircle her own and the redhead said softly, "Not when you could remain here," There was a silent question in Ivy's eyes. "With me."

That question made the blond very uncomfortable. Ivy felt Harley pulling away from her. She grabbed her arms to stop her.

"You don't mean that, Red."

"Of course, I do. I wouldn't ask you to stay if I didn't want you here."

"I… I... can't Red," The blond was positively uncomfortable.

"Why?"

"Because…" The blond thought about it. Why couldn't she? Even she wasn't sure anymore. "I dunno. I mean, what about Mistah J's feelins?"

"Fuck his feelings _._ " Assuming the loathsome little bastard even had them. The only feeling Ivy wanted the Joker to experience was the pain of a slow death. What about Ivy's feelings? What about her feelings?

"But can'tcha do better than me, Red? I mean, what if you get tired of me? I'm not very smart and after a while I get on your nerves... and I distract you from your scientific stuff. And I'm pretty loud and I don't clean up after myself... and I always mess everything up and... and…"

"Harley?" Ivy gently stroked the side of Harley's face. "What the hell happened to your self-esteem?" Ivy couldn't really be surprised that Harley thought so little of herself. She had considered the state of the blond's self-esteem many times over the years. Nothing said 'poor self-image' quite like placing one's wellbeing in the hands of an insane clown posse.

Harley laughed and said cynically, "There's no such thing as self-esteem."

"Harl…"

She sighed, "What do you even see in me?"

"You're fun to be around. You're energetic and playful and you have great sense of humor. You always find ways to cheer me up when I'm unhappy. You're also..." She suspected that Ivy was probably blushing, but it was hard to tell because of the greenness, "Very attractive and despite how silly you behave I know you are very intelligent." The blond studied Ivy intently as she continued, "It angers me when you leave and I miss you when you are gone. I need you the way my plants need water. And I know this is cliché, but you are..." Ivy rolled her eyes and grumped testily, "My  _sunshine_ , Harley Quinn." Ivy blushed furiously.  _Ugh!_ Why did she feel like she was about to write a country western song? How embarrassing. What she wouldn't give for a Batman interrupt right about now.

The blond's eyes were brimming with tears, "Well that's," Harley's heart warmed as it pounded away in her chest like a jackhammer. She said softly, "That's the nicest thing anyone has evah said ta me, Red."

The blond leaned in and kissed Ivy's lips. Ivy's brain short-circuited again as she briefly considered the following information: Harley was  _kissing_  her. What should she do about this development? She could swear she felt one of her own vines cuff her on the back of the head at the stupidity of her own question. _'Kiss her back, you fool!'_  Ivy's brain shouted at her, jolting her into action. The redhead returned the kiss with increased fervor as she pulled Harley closer.


	3. Chapter 3: Sweet Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> * Updating Everyday *

 

Ivy poured all of her feelings into the kiss as she held the blond tightly. Ivy wasn't sure how long the kiss had gone on, but when they pulled back they were both out of breath.

Harley pinned her with an intense gaze. Her voice was ragged with need, "I want you to make love to me."

Ivy didn't need any more motivating as she recaptured Harley's lips. Harley felt Ivy's tongue gently seeking entry and she readily allowed it. The blond ran her hands down Ivy's sides. She could feel the slight ridges of the small leafy vines that traveled along the other woman's body. She allowed her fingers to follow them down and around to the small of Ivy's back. She continued to follow them lower, eliciting a moan from the plant-hybrid, much to Harley's delight.

Harley's entire being was thrumming. It felt as though her whole body was on fire. She briefly wondered if Ivy had inadvertently poisoned her for a moment. Maybe that antidote Ivy had given her had finally worn off, but she didn't care because it felt so good. It felt right. She needed to feel her skin on the other woman's. No sooner than she had the thought, the redhead rolled them over so that Harley was underneath her. She purred impatiently between kisses, " _Harley_ …  _Clothes_ …"

Harley could feel her shorts being tugged down. She realized it must have been some of Ivy's vines because her hands were already occupied roaming around underneath her shirt. She helped pull Harley's shirt off and lowered herself back down and continued her gentle exploration. Harley's hands eventually found their way to Ivy's chest. Ivy's eyes lit up momentarily with a bright green glint and the leaves that formed her 'bikini' suddenly receded and seemed to disappear into… Well, she didn't know where they went. Harley wasn't sure what the hell she was seeing.

"How did…"

"Magic." Was the quick explanation. Ivy didn't give the blond time to reply as she kissed her again. Harley smiled into the kiss. Yea, Ivy was magic alright. Her breath caught in her throat as she felt Ivy's fingertip brush against her center.

As Harley's tongue explored Ivy's mouth she was hit with a rush of sweetness. The taste was reminiscent of a cross between nectar and some kind of candy. Skittles? Harley broke away for a moment and Ivy went about trailing kisses down her neck and jawline.

"Red?" She panted.

"Mmm?" She murmured against her neck.

"You taste so sweet." She said through ragged breaths.

She could hear the woman chuckle against her shoulder.

She giggled, "I'm serious. You taste like Kool-Aid!"

She felt her friend laugh harder. "I don't taste anything." Ivy said seductively, "Except you of course."

"But you," Harley didn't get to finish her sentence as she felt Ivy's fingers slip into her teasingly.

"Shhh," The blond could feel the woman's hot breath against her chest.

"Red…" Harley ran her fingers through Ivy's thick red locks. The blond mumbled something unintelligible about Candyland before her brain turned to mush.

There was a hint of amusement in her tone as the redhead chastised her, "Focus, Harley."

Focus? Harley's senses were on overload. Her entire thought process was now just a wild stream of consciousness.  _'Red's mouth feels good on my chest. She smells like flowers. Natural? Or perfume? Red is touching my bruises. It tickles. What was the name of my third grade teacher? OOo! Red is moving down. Wow, I'm actually having sex with Poison Ivy! Eat your heart out, Batman. Bats are marsupials. Wait, no they're not… Are they? I should Google bats… No! Don't think about bats… Don't think about bats… Don't think about- STOP! Red has really soft hair. It's so pretty and so red and is that a tongue- Oh my god, Mrs. Cransen! I'm missing Bonanza reruns! Holy cunning linguists, Batman!'_

Harley moaned and arched off the bed as she felt Red's mouth on her. She pulled Ivy's hair as she felt more of her control slipping. The redhead continued her ministrations.

"OhmygodRed!" She panted hurriedly as she pushed Ivy's head down. Harley was rushing her. Ivy didn't like being rushed. Two vines slithered around Harley's wrists and tugged them up towards the headboard, restraining her so that their mistress could have her way. Harley lost track of time quickly, but the sweet torture that Ivy's mouth was inflicting on her felt like an eternity. Harley was just about to climax when the redhead stopped. Ivy moved back up so that her face was hovering over Harley's torso. She kissed her bellybutton.

The blond tugged at her vine restraints in frustration. "Red!"

"Mhmm?" Ivy batted her eyelashes playfully.

"It's not funny, Red." She whined pathetically.

"It isn't?" Ivy said suggestively as she moved to hover over Harley. The blond felt the vines release her wrists and her hands shot out and pulled Ivy down for a searing kiss. She could taste herself on Red. Ivy's hand traveled down to Harley's center.

"Yes." Harley's hips began to buck at Ivy's ministrations. She moved her own leg up between Ivy's legs so that she could have some friction. After what felt like another eternity both women climaxed.

Ivy was lying on top of Harley languidly as she tried to catch her breath. The blond had tears streaming from her eyes. "Red, that was…" Her entire body was tingling from head to toe. She didn't have words to describe it. Or at least, not any words that existed in the English language.

Ivy smiled lovingly, "I know." She kissed Harley on the forehead as she held her.

"Thank you." Harley said through sniffles.

"For what?" Ivy asked.

"For being you." Harley squeezed the green woman and stroked her face. "Red, I…" A bright smile broke across her face. "I love you too."

She kissed her gently on the lips. Harley chuckled.

"You still taste like Kool-Aid though."

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

The next day Ivy knew Harley was no longer in bed with her. When she came down stairs Harley was fully dressed and had her bag. She looked apologetic. "Red?"

Ivy sighed; she just walked over to the blond and pulled her into a hug. She kissed her cheek and forehead. A tear rolled down Ivy's face.

"Red, you shouldn't worry. There are just some things I gotta take care of, ya know, before we can be togetha." She smiled at the redhead dreamily.

Ivy's voice was rough as she held Harley in a crushing embrace. "Harley, no. Whatever it is, we can do it together."

The blond shook her head. She smiled reassuringly at her friend, well, now her lover. "I'll be right back, I promise. Just gimme a day or two, okay?"

"Take care of yourself, Harley." The redhead smiled sadly as the woman pulled away. She stared at her intently as she memorized every line and curve of that beautiful face. Ivy knew she wouldn't see her again.

Harley waved and grabbed her small bag and was out the front door.

Ivy went into her lab and closed the door. Perhaps Harley did love her, but she had a compulsion and it would be so hard for her not to follow it. Ivy could understand that. It didn't make her feel any better, but she did get it. The blond did seem sincere in her promise, but then again she often said she'd do things that she never followed through on. It didn't matter though. Her heart was broken again either way.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

Harley knew she had committed the ultimate crime. She had cheated on Mistah J. She had cheated with her best friend. It wasn't Joker's feelings that she was worried about; it was Ivy that concerned her. Joker wouldn't let it go. He'd do something to Red, something terrible and hilarious, but especially terrible. She just knew it. She couldn't just tell Joker she was leaving him for someone else. Hell, she couldn't tell him she was leaving him at all. He'd kill her first, but not after he killed Red and made her watch. Her soon-to-be ex-boyfriend was a vicious psychopath, a psychopath that Harley no longer found amusing.

Harley crept into the hideout, which was really just an abandoned warehouse, and looked around. She had waited until evening time because that way she was less likely to run into Mistah J, as he was likely to be out and about wreaking havoc on the innocent denizens of Gotham. No one was around, so far so good. Making her way down a dimly lit hallway she stopped when she came to a door. This was her room. It used to be an office of some sort, but she had converted it. Joker's office was down the hall and he spent most of his time in it scheming against Batman.

She made her way inside the room after carefully opening her door and checking for booby traps and explosives; Mistah J said he liked to keep her on her toes. The first thing she grabbed was a duffel bag. Harley didn't have many possessions; they were constantly abandoning locations to escape the police, but she did have a few things, mostly clothing. After she finished tossing her clothes into the bag, she zipped it up and poked her head out the door. The coast was still clear.

She made her way towards the large garage. It was also empty. She flipped the lights on and whistled loudly. After a few seconds she could hear jingling and excited scrambling as her two hyenas, Bud and Lou, came bounding out from behind a crate. "Hey, sweet Babies! Didja miss your mommy?" She knelt down and petted them as she murmured to them in nonsensical baby talk. "Whose my good boy? Yes, I know you are."

Standing up again, she made her way to her car. It wasn't really anything special, just a stolen sedan with swapped plates. It was one of many. She used to prefer ostentatious vehicles, but being noticed by the cops got old really fast. Harley favored this car and as such it had been considered 'hers'. It was an unassuming black Honda Accord.

She popped the trunk and tossed her bag inside. Then she opened the back door and ushered the babies in. "Come on boys." She knew Joker could care less about them. She was the only one that remembered to feed them. When he found out she was leaving he'd probably do something to them to get back at her. She couldn't let that happen. How she was going to explain this to Red was another matter. The plant hybrid couldn't stand them, but she'd just have to cross that bridge when she came to it.

Moving to the driver's side door, Harley reached into her bag and rifled through it to double check that she had her wallet. As she was doing this, she was startled by a muffled noise coming from inside the bag. Harley pulled out a small snow glob. It was from the Gotham County Fair. Inside the glass orb were two flowers, one yellow and the other red, holding hands- well 'leaves' to be exact. They were smiling and wearing sunglasses. When Harley wound it up it began playing the tune  _'You Are My Sunshine'_.

Harley wiped an errant tear from her cheek. When had Ivy slipped it into her bag? She must have done it while Harley was sleeping after they had been together, and that meant Ivy knew she was going to leave in the morning. The blond's eyes became moist. "Oh, Red. Ya big softy. I've been so terrible to you. I'm so sorry." She hoped she would see the redhead again. She kissed the snow globe affectionately. "Soon, Red."

"Going somewhere?"

Harley flinched at the sudden intrusion of the voice and turned to face him. "Mistah J! I didn't know where you were."

"You didn't answer the question,  _Pumpkin_."

"I was…" Think fast, Harley. "I was goin' to see where you were at."

"With Bud & Lou?"

"Yea, I figured they'd like some fresh air."

"You were gone a long time, Harley girl." Joker eyed the snow globe that seemed to be particularly special to Harley. "Ah, and what's this hilarious trinket?"

"Oh, just a little something I got at the store." She tried to sound nonchalant.

"So it's nothing to special to you then?"

"No."

He grinned evilly. "Would you lie to me, Pumpkin?"

"No, Mistah J."

He extended his hand with his palm facing upwards. "Give it to me."

"But…" She knew he'd seen through the lie, "But Mistah J..."

His false cheer melted as he shouted. "Give it to me!"

She pouted like a child that was about to be punished, and placed it in his hand.

He tossed it into the air. "No!" Harley gasped in disappointment as she watched it tumble towards the cement floor. She'd been expecting him to break it, but he surprised her and caught it at the last minute and made a comical face at her. Then he started laughing. "I had you going, Harl. You should have seen the look on your face!" He guffawed and patted her on the back chummily.

Harley felt herself relax and she let herself laugh too. "Yea, you're real funny Mistah J."

He grinned happily, "You think that's funny, ay?"

"Yea." She grinned.

Then from out of nowhere he took the globe and smashed it against her face. It broke on impact and Harley went tumbling to the floor. The blond was dazed for several seconds- or was it minutes? She was seeing stars and she could hear Mistah J ranting at her.

"…The next time I tell you to do something you do it!"

"Yes, Mistah J. I'm so sorry, Mistah J." Harley sniffed. Not only was her gift destroyed, but some of it was now embedded in her face. She reached up and could feel where several small shards of glass were sticking out. Her face was slick with blood and tears.

"Stop crying!" She received several sound kicks to the chest until she properly suppressed her sniveling.

She knew he was only just getting started, but then something more important seemed to warrant his attention.

_Police sirens._


	4. Chapter 4: The Circle of Life

 

_Winter_

_Several weeks later…_

 

"Hey! Hey! Well look who it is! …If it isn't our favorite gal!" A jovial male voice boomed in surprise, "Welcome back, Sweetheart. You've been sorely missed."

"I'll kill you all!" A battered Poison Ivy shrieked in outrage as she was dragged kicking and screaming towards the rogue cell block. She had an orderly on each arm, while a third trailed behind them. Ivy was 5'8" and small compared to the hulking males, but insanity had a way of enhancing one's strength well beyond the normal limitations. Her plant DNA also had something to do with it. The prisoners in nearby cells were all in a tizzy over the new developments. They were hooting and howling in excitement as she went by.

One of the orderlies, ('Joe,' was what the crooked name tag read), was holding her right arm and becoming increasingly frustrated at her lack of clothing to grip. She had just been brought in and was only wearing her preferred leafy lingerie. She was notorious for her exhibitionism. Ivy tried to trip one of the men holding her and nearly succeeded.

"Damn it! Jacob, grab her feet!" Upon hearing his comment, Ivy calmed down slightly to give them a false sense of security. The orderly that had been trailing behind them scrambled around them to stand in front of Ivy. Once Jacob bent down she delivered a swift and painful kick to his groin. "Gah!" He barked in pain and buckled over to grab his ailing crotch, "Bitch!"

The other orderly, a blond, lost his grip on her left arm and she took that opportunity to turn towards Joe who was still holding her from the other side. She bit down on his hand. Shrieking, he reeled back and punched her. The redhead saw stars momentarily as she now lay sprawled out on the floor.

"Hey!" A loud bang could be heard from the other side of the glass of a nearby cell. "You don't hit a lady or you deal with  _us_!"

Joe replied through clenched teeth as he cradled his bleeding hand, "Yea, well it's a good thing she's no lady!"

"I'll make  _you_  a lady." Harvey Dent, also known as Two-Face, glared at them from the window of his cell. Both his personalities felt a little protective towards Ivy.

"Shut up, Harvey." One of the orderlies snapped.

"Open this door and make us, asshole!"

Ivy took advantage of her split second of freedom and got to her feet. The redhead wasn't much in a stand-up fight, so she used the best tool she had at her disposal: poison. She spat in Jacob's face as he tried to get a handle on her arms. He hissed in pain as his eyes immediately began burning. Then the blond attendant moved away from the commotion and hit a large red buzzer that was on the wall. An alarm sounded and three more attendants rushed in to reinforce them.

The senior attendant shouted to the three that had been waylaid. "Wade," He was speaking to the blond attendant, "Get these two to the medical wing for detox. Now!"

"Yes, sir!" Wade guided the other two away.

Ivy stood with her back to the polished white wall. She looked feral and desperate like a trapped animal. She glared daggers at the three new chuckleheads she'd have to deal with.

The senior attendant- his name was Roger, if she recalled correctly, said in a condescending tone, "Welcome back, Miss Isley. It's always such a pleasure to have you in our care. I know you remember me, my name is Taylor." Well, she had been… somewhat close, "And unlike those rookies you took advantage of, I have no problem putting you in the hospital."

"She's already in a hospital, you retard!"

"Shut up, Dent! Or I'll ugly up your good half!"

"Suck our dick." Two-Face casually threw back as he watched from his cell. He laughed along with the other prisoners, some of which repeated his taunt in unison like a mantra. The guard started yelling for them all to shut up, but it just made them chant louder and bang the glass wall of their cells.

' _Suck our dick!'_

Ivy's eyes darted around searching for something, anything that she could use.

' _Suck our dick!'_

"Tsk, tsk. Isley, you can't fight us and you know it. So why don't you just go sit in your cell like a good little girl."

' _Suck our dick!'_

Yes, she remembered him quite vividly now. He was a sadist that belonged in a cell almost as much as the criminals did. Though in all fairness, Ivy's behavior had never been conducive to respectful treatment anyway, but that was largely irrelevant.

That's when Ivy felt it- a buzzing sensation in her head. She could feel two of her babies nearby. Well, not her babies, but the two orderlies she had poisoned. They were turning. She could sense them and feel their willpower slipping. Ivy smirked seductively at her captors. She had a wild card up her sleeve. Her eyes flashed bright green as she willed them to her aid.

' _Suck our dick!'_

"Go to hell." She hissed to Taylor.

He licked his lips, "Honestly, Pamela. I was hoping you'd do this the hard way." He had a sadistic leer on his face. He turned when he heard someone running around the corner.

"Hey! I told you guys to- Oof!" He was brutally tackled to the ground by the attendants now under Ivy's control.

"Kill them for me!" She commanded. Unable to resist, Ivy did take the opportunity to kick Taylor solidly in the head several times.

"Beat his ass, Pammy!" Two-Face and the others urged her on as they quickly lost interest in their mantra.

"You better run, Alice! Down the rabbit hole!" a voice called from down the hall. Then the same voice began cackling maniacally. It was probably Jervis Tetch, 'The Hatter'.

Basil Karlo, better known as 'Clayface', shape shifted into a clone of Little Richard as he peered through the glass to see the activity. "Don't make me scream like a white woman! OOooo!"

The more experienced orderlies were fending off her love slaves as a nurse rounded the corner with several syringes of what Ivy assumed was probably an antidote- time to skedaddle. The redhead took the opportunity and split during the ensuing chaos.

She navigated the nondescript white halls relatively well as she raced through the facility. This was hardly her first escape attempt and considering how sloppy it had played out thus far, it probably wouldn't be the last. She always did get a thrill out of giving those stupid meat sacks a run for their money though.

Ivy went through her escape checklist. The janitor had finally locked the side door near the cafeteria. She was surprised she'd ever been able to escape that way at all, let alone on  _two_  separate occasions. It's as though Arkham were made out of Swiss cheese. She knew she'd never make it through the security check point. There would be too many guards and locked doors.

She noticed that they had finally wised-up and put bars on the second story window at the back end of the hallway. So there wouldn't be any shimmying down the old oak tree. The redhead froze. She could hear shouting in the distance. The meatheads were regrouping. Ivy didn't have time to jog all over the damn place. Security check point it was! Even if she failed, it would still be amusing to watch the silly rent-a-cops quail at the sight of her.

"And then I said-  _Ugh_." Ivy didn't even bother with poison kisses; she just bashed the security guard over the head with a sizable monkey wrench, his phone clattered to the floor loudly. Why the hell a wrench could be found just lying around inside a maximum security mental institution for the  _criminally insane_  was beyond her. Why not just distribute guns to all the inmates and turn them loose into their very own prison city? They could even call it 'Arkham City'- what a  _laugh_. The redhead let out a hearty guffaw.

"Gaia, if I'd known it would be this easy I'd have strolled out the front door ages ago!" She accessed the controls that opened all three doors. There was a loud buzzing noise as each one clicked and slid open. As she passed through the last door, she noticed movement on the other side of the thick glass. There was a guard cowering under a table in the security booth; he was trying to avoid her notice. He was talking on the phone and was clearly frightened. She blew him a kiss and winked at him.

Then she turned and strolled through the small waiting area and lobby as she made her way to the front doors. She drawled contentedly, "Free at last, free at last! Thank god almighty I'm…" She froze as the door swung open before she could grab it. "Well," She sighed tiredly, " _Shit_." Her self-satisfied grin was quickly replaced by a scowl. The one time she actually made it through security and she runs into Batman? Fuckity, fuck, fuck!

The Dark Knight just stood there looking as stoic as ever. He didn't even seem surprised to see her out and about unattended. Even he was accustomed to Arkham's incompetence by now. He shoved his current prisoner forward. Ivy quickly sidestepped to avoid the flustered man. She watched in mild interest as Edward Nygma stumbled to his knees. His hands were cuffed behind his back and his nose was bleeding profusely. He was wearing his usual green question mark jacket and matching mask. He glanced around and noticed Ivy and the security, or lack thereof.

"Ah," He grinned, "If it isn't the Vixen of the Vines!" He was more manic than usual.

"Riddler." She deigned to acknowledge the little man's presence. She'd always viewed Edward as a weak person. It was a quality that she always appreciated about him or any man for that matter. They could be easily controlled that way.

The Dark Knight sighed. He had just busted her a few hours earlier and here she was, already escaping in less than twenty four hours. That had to be some kind of record. He wondered if she'd even made it to the cell before slipping away. "Ivy." Batman began authoritatively, like he was about to ground her for a month, "You just turn around and walk-"

She cut him off and snapped, "Damn you! Can't you see that I'm escaping?" She huffed indignantly and then she ranted on the brink of tears, "How dare you interfere! I can't go anywhere or do anything without your constant harassment!" Calming herself down she crossed her arms and commanded imperiously, "I know that I am very desirable, but I  _demand_  that you stop stalking me immediately!"

Too his credit, Batman didn't say anything. He just stood there blocking the door. Surely the staff was bound to show up at some point. He hoped they knew that she was missing… though the loud blaring of distant alarms was probably a clue. Edward was watching the exchange with extreme interest. He tried to hold it in, but he couldn't help himself. The laughter bubbled out of him. He said between fits of giggles, "Oh Ivy, Ivy, Ivy! This place just doesn't feel quite as insane without you!"

"Shut up, Edward. Everyone knows that Batman is in love with me."

He cackled even louder.

She couldn't tell because of his cowl, but Batman was rolling his eyes. God, would someone please up this poor woman's meds? The rogues were always more irrational when they were frightened or agitated. He could tell that the strain of Ivy's now failing escape attempt had clearly left her unhinged; not that she was ever a model of stability to begin with.

Her demeanor changed rapidly as she slipped into her role of seductress. "If you wanted me, why didn't you just say so?" She moved close enough to trail a finger down his chest plate. He had seen her play this game many times before. What was the saying? 'Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome.' He grabbed Ivy by the throat before she even knew what hit her.

She snarled angrily as her mood did a complete one eighty. "I'll kill you!" She punctuated her threat by spraying saliva all over Batman's exposed chin and mouth. He shoved her so hard she stumbled several feet backwards and fell to the ground. Edward was still laughing himself silly from his spot on the floor.

Repulsed, Batman quickly wiped his face. Unlike most men, he was remarkably resilient to Ivy's toxins and pheromones. Despite the toxin he could usually fight her suggestions through sheer willpower. He wasn't sure what he was feeling, but her poison did seem more potent than usual. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she spat on him as opposed to her usual MO of kissing. He did notice that her lower lip was bloodied, which might be a factor too.

Then,  _finally_ , three orderlies as well as Ivy's usual psychiatrist, Dr. Leslie Gadlow, entered the lobby. As if on cue, the alarms shut off as soon as they arrived. They were accompanied by a dozen armed security personnel that looked ready for a SWAT raid. They stopped approximately fifteen feet away from Ivy, who was just pushing herself into a sitting position. The redhead's adrenaline rush was fading and she was feeling the day's violence taking its toll. She would be very sore for the next few days. The guards leveled their weapons at her and started yelling the usual cliché commands: "Freeze!" "Don't move!"

Ivy's eyes flashed green and she snarled, "I'm not going anywhere with you  _meat sacks_!" She looked to Batman and her tone changed from enraged to pleading. "I need you to protect me. They're going to hurt me, Batman- especially that one," She gestured to Taylor, who was now sporting a big, black shiner to match his scowl. Her fears were actually quite genuine as she had been on the receiving end of several beatings at the hands of that sadist. She crawled over to Batman submissively. Poison Ivy had many faces that she used to manipulate men, but 'commanding mistress' and 'wanton seductress' usually failed on Batman… Gay? So perhaps he'd be more receptive to her pheromones and power of suggestion if she played the 'damsel in distress.' Knights loved their helpless damsels.

"Please, help me." Batman was clearly struggling. His hands were shaking. She moved closer and leaned into his leg. "Make them leave me alone." He took several involuntary steps forward. The guards were visibly panicked and were no longer clear as to where they should be pointing their guns.

They turned them towards Batman. "Don't come any closer!" "Freeze!"

"Batman, she's controlling you!" Dr. Gadlow exclaimed in surprise. Ivy was difficult as a patient because she was immune to most medications, including the standard sedatives they had on hand.

Riddler took his opportunity to escape and he bolted out of the front door, cackling the whole way. He was still cuffed so Ivy imagined he wouldn't get very far. She didn't even bother running. If she could get Batman under control then she might have a chance of escaping, but if not, why open herself up to be hit with the batarang? She hated that damn thing.

Regaining control of his faculties, Batman marched over to her and yanked her up by her long red hair. She yelped and reached up as she tried to free her head from his iron grip. The guards visibly relaxed and lowered their weapons.

"Damn it." Batman nearly shouted at the institution's staff. That was more emotion than she was used to hearing from him. "Get your patients under control!" He sounded like an irate parent fussing about the ineptitude of his children's daycare staff. He dragged her over to the orderlies and tossed her unceremoniously at their feet. There, he'd handed her to them  _directly_. Did he need to put her in the cell too? Christ. "I'll be back with Nygma." Temper simmering beneath the surface, he whipped out a batarang and headed back outside.

Ivy was rubbing the back of her head and now stiff neck. She wouldn't be doing much moving tomorrow. She scowled. Here they go again. Prisoners would escape from Arkham and Batman would bring them back kicking and screaming and this cycle would repeat itself indefinitely. It was the Gotham City circle of life.

The majority of the guards charged outside, presumably to assist the rodent in Nygma's recapture, as if Batman needed their help to catch a short injured man wearing hand cuffs. Witless fools. Two security guards remained with Dr. Gadlow and the three orderlies. The doctor spoke calmly, "Mr. Taylor, see that Ms. Isley is properly handcuffed."

The seething hulking man came towards her and roughly grabbed her arms and forced them behind her back. She grimaced as she felt the cold metal restraints locking around her wrists. Why hadn't they cuffed her in the first place? Oh right, this was  _Arkham-_ the cradle of incompetence. Taylor hauled her to her feet and shoved her forward towards the other two attendants that now flanked her on both sides. Each one gripped one of her arms as they led her deeper into the facility.

"No! This isn't fair." Ivy whined angrily as she glared at the brunette.

"What isn't fair, Pamela?" Dr. Gadlow asked evenly.

"Batman is just as crazy as we are!" She snapped, "He's dressed up as a bat for Gaia's sake. A flying rodent! Why don't you throw him in a cell?" She glowered and spat ominously, "Put him in  _mine_."

Dr. Gadlow had considered that fact herself from time to time. "Batman isn't a criminal. And this institution is for the criminally insane."

A part of Ivy still needed to resist so she tried leaning backwards to slow her movement forward.

"Pamela, you don't really think you could still escape do you?" She asked coolly as she signaled the orderlies to stop as the brunette stepped closer to Ivy.

"I don't know." Her voice was ragged from her exertions, "You're all pretty damn inept. I just walked right out of here. If it wasn't for the Bat I'd be half way across town by now. Hell, I probably could have ordered a few pizzas."

"I'm sorry you've had such a negative experience so far." She sounded genuinely concerned about her patient. Pamela Isley always resisted imprisonment initially, but she seemed so much worse than usual this time, "I have something that's going to make you feel better."

"You're going to let me taser Batman?" Dr. Gadlow smiled slightly as she pulled out an epipen and stuck it into Pamela's arm before she could complain. Ivy rolled her eyes and said in a superior tone. "I'm immune."

"Actually, this is a high potency sedative that I had designed especially for _you_ , Pamela." Leslie rubbed Ivy's shoulder as she put the now empty epipen into her pocket.

"Oh, is that so. Well, I'm flattered." She said suggestively as her eyes glittered with interest. She batted her eyelashes at the woman. "I didn't realize I was so special to  _you_ , Doctor."

Ivy limped along with the orderlies. Dr. Gadlow noticed that Ivy looked rather battered. She was also limping slightly, "Pamela, are you in pain?"

"Of course, I am. Batman and your henchmen assaulted me without provocation!"

"You assaulted them first, you little liar." Taylor snapped.

"One of them punched me... In the  _face_!" Ivy complained.

He grumbled under his breath, "Yea, after you tried to take a plug out of him."

"He had it coming!" She hissed. Then she explained to Dr. Gadlow, "I am very beautiful as you are well aware."

Taylor was going to continue, but the glare he got from Dr. Gadlow inspired him to keep his mouth shut. She asked calmly, "Would you be interested in seeing a doctor?"

Ivy pouted. "No. But I am," Her voice dropped several octaves, "So  _touched_  by your concern, Leslie."

Taylor rolled his eyes. "Shut it, you sick tramp."

"Mr. Taylor. That language is hardly necessary." The doctor chastised. It was hard enough as it was, the last thing she needed was for him to further antagonize the patient. These people were  _mentally ill_ , they couldn't help it.

" _Yes, Mr. Taylor_." Ivy said mockingly, "Be quiet, the grown-ups are talking." She smirked at him as they led her through the halls. He scowled, but held his tongue.

"So Leslie, how long have you been thinking about me?"

"Ms. Isley, I am your psychiatrist…"

"Pamela, please." She loved playing these games with her shrinks; it wasn't like her cell had Pay-Per-View.

"Pamela, you will refer to me as Dr. Gadlow."

She pouted, "But why, Leslie? You said you had feelings for me. Or do you enjoy it when I refer to you by your title?" Ivy leered at her. Gadlow wasn't a homely woman. The brunette was one of the younger doctors on staff and quite pretty actually. Her youth was probably one of the reasons she was less jaded than the others. Wait till she had to deal with Ivy for a few months. Ha! Ivy would give her about one to two years before she burned out and realized that Arkham was a waste of her talents.

Ivy could detect the slightest hint of exasperation in her voice, it pleased the redhead immensely. "I said no such thing, Pamela, and you know it."

The redhead slurred, "But you were  _thinking_  it. …And I can …Read thoughts… you know?" To say Ivy felt not-at-all like herself was an understatement. Something wasn't right.

The doctor didn't grant her a response as they came nearer to Sector Seven, which was more commonly referred to as the 'Rogue Gallery'. It was the state-of-the-art wing of Arkham Asylum, it extended across several floors. It had a sterile hospital feel and high tech security glass was predominantly used as opposed to bars or regular doors. They kept the more dangerous and famous rogues in this sector. This part of the facility had been destroyed and rebuilt numerous times and was reinforced to withstand all manner of attacks. It was also specially designed to maintain meta humans or prisoners with special abilities, but there were a few inmates that were just kept there as a precaution. The older parts of Arkham were the more typical crumbling brick asylum stereotype.

Suddenly Ivy's body felt like it was filled with cement. Her knees gave out as the sedative suddenly hit her like a freight train. Talk about a muscle relaxer; she could barely lift her legs.

"Her medication is kicking in now." The doctor said to the orderlies. "One of you will need to lift her."

The tallest attendant, an African American man, nodded to the others and scooped her up like a groom would lift a bride. Ivy's arm sagged lethargically as she tried to process what was going on. She tried to speak, but it just came out as a groan.

She could hear Dr. Gadlow's calm reassuring voice, "Now there's no need to worry, Pamela. You're in good hands now."

He carried her into her designer security glass cell and placed her on the small bed. Ivy's toxins made her dangerous even at range, so in the interest of safety they put her in a giant, airtight glass box. Her oxygen was pumped in from several pipes that entered from the ceiling. She felt like a pet on display in a terrarium. She had little to no privacy to speak of as she was somewhat in the center of the cell block. The staff had discovered that Ivy was too dangerous to be given regular walls- she could grow plants behind them in tiny holes or crevices and they still had to check the hinges on her door daily. Due to her lack of privacy, she also had to be escorted to the restrooms at certain intervals. They couldn't trust her with a bowl full of water for more than ten minutes. They learned that the hard way when a hostile fungus assaulted a staff member as they went to clean the toilet during one of her previous stays.

There was a nurse waiting inside with a neatly folded, brown and black Arkham uniform in her arms. Dr. Gadlow and the nurse went about putting the uniform on helpless Ivy. She'd probably just pull the clothing off later, but it was worth a try anyway.

They left and on the way out Dr. Gadlow said to the nurse, "Jane, make sure the doctor takes a look at her before lights out."

"Yes, Ma'am."

"I'd also like you to add a note to Ms. Isley's file that her erotomania is getting worse."


	5. Chapter 5: Inmates Interrupted

 

Ivy had to give Dr. Gadlow credit. She was one of the few psychiatrists at Arkham that was actually a professional. In the past, Ivy had always been able to fluster or drive her previous doctors to distraction with her irritating histrionics, but not Leslie. Leslie seemed to have infinite reserves of patience for dealing with the people in her care. She also received the more difficult cases as a result. Though in Ivy's opinion, patience should be a requirement for anyone claiming to be a psychiatrist. It wasn't like most of them would actually get better _._

Dr. Gadlow gave Pamela a few moments to adjust to being in her office again. She had been under quarantine for about a week. That was when they kept new prisoners isolated to determine whether or not they posed a threat to the others, although Ivy could hardly be described as a 'new' inmate so much as 'chronic' one. She was Poison Ivy; she  _always_  posed a threat. The green woman took in the familiar bland surroundings and her eyes narrowed. Nothing had changed since her last visit.

"Is there anything in particular you'd like to begin today's session with?"

She replied flirtatiously, "I'm flattered at all this  _special_  attention I've been getting from you and the staff, and that mandatory douche for seeds was truly inspired! But how about getting this  _thing_  off my face?" She referred to the medical mask that was covering her mouth. She was also wearing a white straight jacket. Both items clashed terribly with her green complexion and Arkham standard-issue brown pants, and to add insult to injury, they even stuck her in a wheelchair for good measure.

"Actually, I think that's an excellent place to begin." Dr. Gadlow continued; she made no effort to acquiesce to her request. "So, Pamela, I noticed that you've taken to spitting now." She noticed Ivy's body stiffen as she looked like she was about to explode with outrage.

She glared, "Have you now?"

"In the past you preferred kissing?"

Suddenly the innuendo was back, "I do prefer kissing, Leslie."

She ignored her tone, "Then why spit?"

"Because some people aren't  _worth_  putting my mouth on." She snapped, "It's not rocket science. And honestly, I wonder why it hadn't occurred to me before."

"Would you say that you've recently been feeling angrier than you have in the past?"

"That's a very personal question, Leslie. Why should I talk to you about things that are private?"

"I'm your  _psychiatrist_ , Pamela."

"I don't know. I don't think so." Well Harley had been missing in action for some time…

"But you're unsure?"

…And she had been really worried. Her voice had an edge to it, "I guess."

She was definitely more temperamental than usual and for Isley that was saying a lot. "Have you been experiencing any anxiety lately?"

"No!"

"I don't believe you."

"Being wheeled around like a lunatic would create anxiety for any reasonable person!"

She added dryly, "You aren't exactly known for being reasonable, Pamela."

"What do you  _want_  from me?"

"I just want you to be honest about your feelings. Everything you tell me is confidential."

If she wanted honesty Ivy would give her more than she requested. After fulminating about her perceived mistreatment at the hands of several staff members she stared at Dr. Gadlow expectantly.

"Pamela, have you ever considered being polite?"

"What do you mean?" The redhead was aghast.

" _I mean_  have you considered treating others with respect?"

"You're serious aren't you?" She laughed heartily. As if she should be polite to people that were keeping her locked up against her will. Grow up, Leslie. "Well, in case you were unaware- they're the  _help_." She said the word with disdain, "I'm not required to be nice to the help they're required to be nice to me. It's their job, that's what they get paid for. I'm the guest here!" She insisted haughtily as she shifted around in her straight jacket.

Leslie wanted to laugh. It never ceased to amaze her how the rogues seemed to think of Arkham as some kind of 1 star hotel they chose to patronize instead of a prison for the insane. She decided the best way to get a response from the redhead was to blindside her.

"Pamela, are you a homosexual?"

Ivy blinked. Talk about from left field… Um, was she? Leslie could tell the green woman hadn't seen that question coming, although considering her recent behavior she probably should have.

The redhead arched an eyebrow. "Interested?"

"I'm asking you a serious question."

" _Ditto_."

The brunette sighed, "Ms. Isley…"

"Sexuality is irrelevant." She muttered through gritted teeth.

"Is it? I'm surprised to hear you say that considering how heavily you rely on sexuality."

"It's a tool, nothing more." She said dismissively.

She could tell Pamela was about to clam up so Leslie tried another approach, "Yes, it's obvious why you flirt with men, but have you been genuinely attracted to any of them? Ever?"

"No."

"Have you ever been sexually attracted to another woman?"

Ivy would be crossing her arms if they weren't already being crossed for her in the crazy-coat. There was a painfully awkward silence that went on a little too long. "Leslie, if you want me you should just say so, instead of all this beating around the bush… pun intended." And here we go again with avoidance. Leslie did roll her eyes this time.

Ivy held the delusion that all men were in love with her on some level; this was triggered by her bizarre plant-related medical condition and pheromones, but now it seemed she had extended that belief to include women. Dr. Gadlow had never known her to hit on women before. Her pheromones didn't even work on females. She wondered what had changed.

Dr. Gadlow wondered if perhaps Ivy's erotomania was being frustrated on her because she was also a female and therefore immune to her toxins. It had been a source of tremendous irritation during their first few sessions several years back, but eventually Pamela had gotten over it. Now that she was a patient again the resentment seemed to have reappeared.

"You didn't answer the question."

"It's none of your business." She grumped.

"That sounds like a 'yes' to me, Pamela."

She sighed in exasperation, "I don't see how this is relevant to  _anything_."

"Are you ashamed or…"

" _No."_

Ivy was not in the mood to discuss anything. She was still worrying about Harley. It had been weeks since the blond had abandoned her and she had no idea what had happened. Why did Harley lie and tell her she'd come back? How could she have been so cruel? Did her feelings mean nothing to the blond? Did Harley just see her as some piteous shut-in, someone that would just be a good roll-in-the-hay? Ivy became angrier and angrier the more she thought about it. She'd been considering storming the Joker's hideout to take her fury out on the blond and her disturbingly hideous boyfriend, but then the Bat had snagged her during a routine flower liberation attempt.

"Then if you-"

Ivy shrieked, "I  _don't_  want to discuss it!"

Her sudden outburst would have been shocking to most people, but nothing shocked Gadlow anymore. "Why is that?"

"This conversation is over."

"Are you sexually frustrated, Pamela?"

She replied sharply, "Were you going to assist me in that area, Leslie?"

"Answer the question." The truth was, if Leslie had responded positively to Ivy's attentions it would have sent the plant-hybrid running and screaming in the opposite direction; it would have served her right too.

"I'm fine. Thanks for asking." She said smartly.

"You prefer to seduce people that are unlikely to genuinely love you back without some form of coercion. Do you have a fear of rejection, Pamela?"

Who didn't? "Psychiatry isn't  _real_  medicine." Now she was resorting to petty personal attacks. Ivy's eyes narrowed as she watched Gadlow jot down several notes on her clipboard.

"Did it occur to you that if you answered the questions the session might end sooner?"

"What do you want me to say? I hate  _people_. Men and wo _men_."

"Pamela," Leslie leaned back in her seat and pulled off her glasses. Folding them neatly, she slipped them into the chest pocket of her white coat. "Something is clearly bothering you." She said sympathetically, "If you won't discuss it then you're only denying yourself an opportunity to feel better about it."

Ivy sniffled as she worked to suppress her tumultuous emotions. She was not going to let herself cry in front of Dr. Gadlow. Depression and sorrow were not places that Ivy dwelled, instead she allowed herself to settle into her comfort zone: homicidal rage. She spoke calmly as her emotions boiled under the surface, "I just have a lot on my mind. That's all."

That was the understatement of a lifetime. All of the inmates were suffering from 'two much on the mind.' "Why don't you elaborate for me?"

Elaborate? Ivy wanted to elaborate her foot up her ass. She had been so close to leaving this dump behind- so  _impossibly_  close. Screw Batman! And screw her fancy new designer sedatives! And this mask…

"I want this thing off! Now, goddamn it!" She exploded.

"Screaming is not the way to get what you want, Pamela." The doctor replied evenly to her outburst. That would teach her to stop assaulting the staff. "It will be removed when you are placed back in your cell." Leslie waited for over a minute to see if Pamela would calm down. When it became apparent that she would not, the brunette calmly hit a button on the side of her desk. An orderly came in and wheeled her out of the office. Her shrieking could be heard up and down the halls as the redhead misbehaved severely on the way her back to her cell.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

"Slow down, Mistah J!" Harley yelled as she leaned out the passenger side window to return fire. The Batmobile was right behind them, and behind it she could see police lights. She gave up quickly since the Batmobile was resistant to gunfire. If  _only_  she had her bazooka.

"I can't!"

"Whaddaya mean ya can't?" She shouted as she gripped the armrest on the passenger door for dear life. Just because he was driving Harley's car didn't mean he shouldn't know how to drive it. They were all the same: gas, breaks, steering wheel… She braced herself as the Accord bounced along the two-lane road at breakneck speeds. Fortunately, it was in the wee hours so there was no traffic in either direction. "Hit the brakes already!"

"They're out." He said through gritted teeth.

She gasped, "What? Why?"

Joker snapped in annoyance. "Because I cut them, you imbecile!" Then on seeing her horrified expression he began laughing maniacally.

She gestured animatedly, "Why wouldja cut my breaks? Are you tryin' ta get us killed?"

He kept laughing. "Oh, Harley girl, I'm just trying to kill  _you_!" Suddenly the Batmobile darted past them along with a police car. As the two vehicles moved in front of them, it became clear that they thought they were going to slow them down. Now they were flanked on all sides by law enforcement vehicles. As Harley stared into his vacant and sinister eyes something clicked inside her obsessive brain, and she had an epiphany.

_Ivy was right about everything._

It had taken her forever to have this revelation, but better late than never, right? He was actually going to kill her this time. She was going to  _die._ Not in a week, or a month, or some other far off and intangible date, but right here and now. She was going to die  _tonight_. She was going to die and Red was going to see it on the news. Harley was going to break her promise. The blond's eyes filled with tears as she thought about how much she failed at life.

Harley allowed her attention to settle on the lights of the city as they darted by in a blur. Joker was driving like a maniac (no pun intended) in his efforts to lose the police. Fortunately, he possessed a great enough interest in his own self-preservation that he had taken his foot off the gas several minutes ago, allowing the car to gradually decrease its speed.

Her babies were still in the back seat. They were whimpering and barking and utterly terrified. She could hear the hyena's paws scrambling about as they slid around with the momentum. They didn't like riding in the car on a good day. Harley wondered if the cops would shoot them. That would be her fault too.

She glanced at the speedometer: 45mph. It was still way too fast for these tight urban areas, but it was better than the 125mph they were gunning on the open highway. Harley wanted to talk to Red. She'd know what to do, and even if she didn't they could at least say goodbye- for  _real_  this time.

Harley yelped as one of the police cars side-swiped them on the driver's side.

Joker shouted, "Damn these pigs! I'll show them what happens when they hit your car that I stole!"

Joker put his foot on the gas. "No, Mistah J! It's too fast!" The blond pleaded fearfully as tears streamed down her face.

He cackled maniacally as he sped into a hard left turn. "That's what makes it fun, Harley!" The tires screamed as they barely gripped the pavement. She felt the vehicle lift on the driver's side, but then it settled back down. Harley thought they would flip for sure.

The cop car in front of them slammed their breaks to force them to slow. Joker swerved to avoid them, but he was going so fast that he over compensated and started losing control. There was a police barricade ahead at the end of the block and there was no way he could stop. Harley held on for dear life and shut her eyes.  _'I'm sorry, Red'_.

"Tsk. Tsk. Harley girl…" She could hear sinister cackling in the distance and she could make out flashing lights. There was a buzz of activity around her, and even though everyone was moving fast; they all looked like they were going so slow.

" _Harley._ " She could hear a familiar chastising voice as a soft hand gently stroked her face. She could smell flowers.

"Puddin'?"

"Harley?" There was a tapping noise. The blond's focus snapped towards the sound. Dr. Gadlow was tapping her pen against her clipboard to gain the blond's attention. She was concerned, "Harley? Did you hear what I just said?"

"Um… not really." The blond muttered tiredly. She was on so many pain medications that she had difficulty focusing- more than usual. Her face was covered in fading bruises and cuts and her right leg was still in its Velcro brace.

Leslie was sympathetic, "Where did you just go?"

The blond shook her head as she fidgeted with the armrest of her wheelchair. "It was nuthin'. I just gottalot on my mind." She seemed uncharacteristically melancholy.

"Were you revisiting the accident?" Dr. Gadlow stared at her expectantly. Harley already had enough issues, now the doctor was worried she might have PTSD on top of them.

"Yea, I guess." She kneaded her scraped hands. Her injuries had been so severe that they were still healing weeks later.

"You mentioned Puddin'?"

Harley's eyes filled with unshed tears and she whimpered pathetically, "Yea, I just miss my Puddin' is all."

"So what is it about the Joker that you miss?"

"Joker?" Harley was confused.

"Puddin?"

Her eyes widened. Ivy was now 'Puddin' in Harley's mind. "Oh, I didn't mean him. I was thinkin' about someone else."

"And who is that?"

"Red."

"Red?"

"Ivy."

"Oh." That got Dr. Gadlow's attention. "Do you often refer to Ivy as 'Puddin'? I thought that was your term of endearment for the Joker."

"Yea…" Harley said uncertainly, "It was, but I… don't wanna be with him no more. And he ain't exactly  _endearing_ , ya know what I mean?" The blond had a far off look on her face as she remembered quite vividly the way he whipped the car so that the impact would be on the passenger's side and not his. Mistah J had never been big on chivalry.

Dr. Gadlow's eyes bulged. Christ almighty! Was one of her craziest patients about to have a break through? She schooled herself to remain calm and professional, but inside she was doing a victory dance. "So Harley, are you saying that you no longer believe yourself to be in love with the Joker?"

She shrugged, "Well, yea I guess so. I'm in love with someone else now."

 _Uh oh._  "And who is that?"

"Red."

"I  _see_." The victory dancing ceased. Dr. Gadlow wanted to roll her eyes. It figured Harleen would go running from one nut to another. She supposed Ivy was a step up from the evil clown man; she was attractive, at least. Considering Harley's dependency problems, it might actually be detrimental for Ivy to have a 'hanger on'. Ivy's mood swings cycled faster than the Joker's and her misanthropic views might actually lead to her killing the blond more readily than the Joker actually would. The Joker relished tormenting his victims. Ivy relished destroying them. She resisted the urge to sigh.

Harley studied the doctor's reaction. "What? No, 'you just had a breakthrough' talk? I thought you'd be happy for me." The blond needed her daily dose of approval, damn it.

"You have a-"

Harley snapped resentfully, "Dependency disorder with anti-social tendencies and obsessive blah, blah, blah?" She crossed her arms defensively, "Yea, I  _know_  what that is, thank you very much!" Harley had been a psychiatrist at Arkham before her disorder manifested, causing her to become dangerously obsessed with the Joker.

Dr. Gadlow allowed herself a small smile. She didn't bother mentioning the  _rest_  of Harley's diagnosis. It was almost as long as her criminal rap sheet. "I meant no offense, Harleen."

The blond rolled her eyes and huffed petulantly, "I  _hate_  being called Harleen!" It was so humiliating being a patient in the same hospital she used to work in. Leslie began working at Arkham a few years after Harleen Quinzel had become Harley Quinn. The blond was assigned to her because they had never been colleagues, which helped bypass the awkwardness that she experienced with her former peers that still practiced at Arkham.

"I'm sorry, Harley." She corrected herself. "Do you think that perhaps you're simply transferring your dependency issues onto someone else?"

Harley shrugged; there was no reasoning with these people. What the doctors referred to as 'obsession,' 'dependency,' or 'addiction' Harley called  _love_. "Red takes good care of me."

"She does?" Dr. Gadlow blinked. This was a revelation. Pamela Isley takes care of something or someone that isn't a plant? She had formed a real relationship? Something beyond a criminal arrangement? Perhaps she had been wrong. This could be a breakthrough for both of her more difficult patients. "And what is it that you like about Pamela?" She had to hear this.

"She's my best friend. And she's…" A bright smile erupted on her face as she nearly swooned, "In love with  _me_." It wasn't the usual empty-headed clown look Harley would get when she would delude herself about the Joker. It seemed genuine. "And she's so gorgeous!" She was on a roll and babbled excitedly for several minutes like a love struck school girl. Then she added, "She also likes making all the decisions and that's fine by me 'cause I'm terrible at that stuff."

"How does Pamela make you feel?"

"She me makes me feel good… about myself and she makes me feel appreciated."

"How do you know she's in love with you?" Was Dr. Gadlow dreaming? She wanted to pinch herself.

Harley replied, "Because she told me so after she yelled at me that Mistah J was gonna get me killed."

Wow. Was Harley Quinn actually experiencing love?  _Real_   _love_  as opposed to masochistic dependency? This was clearly more than just another unhealthy obsession that she couldn't distinguish from the real thing. The way she went on about Pamela Isley, it became clear that this was about more than just someone new to obsess over.

The brunette was writing so furiously on her clipboard that her hand was starting to cramp. "What does Pamela do to make you feel good about yourself?"

"She says nice things to me… And she rocks my world in an environmentally friendly way," Harley chirped. Dr. Gadlow had learned more useful information about Pamela Isley in the last fifteen minutes with Quinn than she had in the last fifteen sessions with the redhead. Then she began to put two and two together…

"So would you say that the two of you are in a romantic relationship now?"

The blond's demeanor changed and she looked sad, "I'm not too sure about that. I mean, I wanted too, but I left again and I promised I'd go back, but I didn't 'cause I got hurt and she's probably real mad at me because she doesn't know what happened. So I'm not sure." Her eyes started to water as she thought of their last night together.

If Pamela was angry about the current state of things with Harley, that might explain the recent and severe lapses in her mood and behavior. Not to mention her new tendency to make suggestions to female staff members. Apparently, the fairer sex wasn't immune to Poison Ivy either.


	6. Chapter 6: Comfort Food

 

_Later that evening…_

Dr. Gadlow peered at her computer monitor. There were so many records to update and so little time. She yawned and lifted her glasses to rub her bloodshot eyes. She was reaching for her coffee mug when the phone on her desk rang; she grabbed the receiver instead.

"Dr. Gadlow."

"Yea, Doc, it's me Taylor. We're getting complaints about Isley again- she won't shut up and everybody's tryin' to sleep. She's driving security nuts too. Can we have permission to dose her?"

The special sedative was an excellent tool and had worked wonders on Pamela when she had first arrived; however, there was always the concern that if they used it too much her unique physiology would develop immunities to it. It was designed only for serious emergencies and noise was not such an emergency.

"Could she harm herself?"

"She's banging on the walls. I mean she's kinda bruised up, but I dunno. I figured she'd tire out at  _some_  point. She'll shriek until she's hoarse and then sit down for a few minutes and then she starts up all over again with the ranting... Something about her  _beloved barrel cactus_ …"

Dr. Gadlow had been entertaining an idea for the better part of the day. Perhaps now was an appropriate time to put said idea into action. "Mr. Taylor, is the standard cell beside Pamela still vacant?"

"I believe so, yes."

"Has it been sanitized and prepared for habitation?"

"Yesterday."

"I'll meet you in your office."

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

 

Ivy was sitting cross-legged in the middle of her cell wearing her leafy lingerie. She was on cooldown for the moment. Her scratchy uniform pants had been haphazardly tossed to the side and her blouse was partially unbuttoned. She'd rather toss the whole thing away, but Arkham was drafty this time of year.

" _Red!"_

Ivy perked up immediately at the exuberant voice. Sure enough, there was Harley Quinn slowly making her way towards their cell-block. She was on crutches. They, Dr. Gadlow and an orderly she didn't recognize, were escorting her down the hall. She was in terrible shape. Ivy got up and moved to the side of her enclosure nearest to them.

"Oh my gawd! This is my girl!" She said to Dr. Gadlow happily, she was glassy-eyed and slurring, "This is Red. She's so cool." Harley was practically bouncing with joy on her crutches. Ivy wondered what kind of meds they had her on today, clearly some serious pain killers.

"Harley!" Her voice was rough and overcome with surprise.

The blond paused and turned to her. She may have been on crutches, but she was still struggling to hold herself up. "It's sho good to see you, Red." Her voice was much too tired and weak for Ivy's liking. She smiled, "Well not  _here,_  of course."

"What happened to you?" Ivy demanded loudly. "You shouldn't be on crutches- you should be in a wheelchair.  _No!_  You should be resting!" She glared at Dr. Gadlow. "Who the hell is your doctor? I'll kill that fucking clown!"

Leslie knew this idea would either be a boon or a disaster. The brunette intervened. She said to Ivy, "Pamela, it's getting late and Harley needs to rest now in order to recover. You can speak to her tomorrow in the cafeteria."

"I'm gonna be near you now, Red." Harley smiled sleepily as she turned away and they walked her into the nearby room. After a few moments they came out. Dr. Gadlow observed Ivy. She had already settled down into her own bed.

Gadlow thought she was slick, but Ivy was wise to her. Using Harley to coerce her into behaving was clever.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

 

Ivy stood up and stalked over to the immobilized clown. She slapped him soundly. Everyone looked on in a shocked stupor. Joker included. Then he shrieked, "I'll kill you, you plant bitch! When I get out of this restraint I'll-"

He wasn't allowed to finish because Ivy stabbed him in the neck. His shrieking was now a wet gurgling sound. Ivy felt herself become angrier and angrier and she kept stabbing him and stabbing him. The others had backed away from the grizzly scene as the orderlies raced in. Harley was frozen in shock, but Ivy didn't care. It felt so  _good_. The obnoxious clown had expired during the first few blows, but she hadn't begun to slow down until she felt her arm tire out. The last thing she saw was an orderly's fist connecting with her face.

She regained consciousness as they tossed her into a cell. She wasn't sure where she was- she had never seen this part of Arkham. This was where the hardcore serial killers were kept. Her suspicions were confirmed when she heard the deranged voice of Zsas from the cell across from her.

"What brings the pretty flower to this part of Arkham?"

Ivy looked down at her hands. She was caked in drying blood. She laughed. She laughed loudly and happily. "I stabbed the Joker until he stopped laughing."

"Oh! Tell me everything. I love the way the knife feels as it tears through flesh..." What a freak. Ivy could never understand why anyone bothered keeping that wretched piece of human refuse alive. He wasn't worth it at all.

She walked to the other side of the room as she tried to ignore his ramblings. The door suddenly swung open to admit Batman.

"What the hell do you want?"

"I was just informed that you killed the Joker."

News traveled fast. Did he have a room at the facility or something? "That would be correct." Ivy had a hint of pride in her voice. She deserved an award. "So what are you going to do about it,  _Batman_?"

Batman reached down and pressed a button on his utility. Expecting something painful to occur, Ivy blinked in surprise when Lady Gaga's 'Born This Way' song started to play. She was more than mortified when Batman proceeded to do a strip tease.

She wasn't horrified because of the Rodent's gyrations- it was rather amusing to watch the caped crusader debase himself in this way. No, she was devastated to realize that this marvelous experience had all been just a silly dream. Although in hindsight she probably should have noticed much earlier, especially considering that for reason's unknown to her, she had been dressed up as Norman Bate's mother. There was also the matter of her third grade teacher being Batman. She'd always thought Ms. Canderly was mannish.

Ivy groaned as she heard the sound of a stick banging loudly on their cell doors.

"Rise and shine assholes!" Mr. Taylor barked with contempt as he passed by.

Despite the night being a bit of a letdown, she couldn't help but feel exhilarated. Two-Face picked up on it immediately as he peered at her from his own cell that was across from hers.

"Have a wet one, Pammy?"

 _Ew_.

She said through a yawn, "I dreamt I brutally murdered Joker during group therapy."

"I  _love_  those!"

Ivy felt her spirits elevate further as she remembered that today she could see Harley! She hoped it wouldn't be in a damn straitjacket. They'd been bringing meals to her cell until she was out of 'quarantine.' She could see that Harley wasn't currently in her cell at the moment. She hoped the blond was alright.

Ivy paced agitatedly until two guards stopped outside the door to her enclosure. Both guards were women, though they were masculine enough to make you consider that fact for a moment. "Well, Isley, if you think you can handle it then we'll let you have brunch with the others today."

"Oh,  _goodie_." The redhead purred.

"Clothes first." She gestured to Ivy's scantily clad leafy self.

Ivy grudgingly donned the drab Arkham attire. She moved over to the door to be let out.

"Shoes."

Oops. She wasn't used to wearing them. She slipped on a pair of plain white tennis shoes (hideous!) and moved back over to the door.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

 

Ivy scanned the cafeteria as soon as she stepped inside. It was relatively crowded. Usually the only inmates allowed inside were deemed the least violent towards others. Despite Ivy's recent tantrums, she had always been relatively trustworthy when it came to eating. Her paranoia made it important to see the food as it was placed on her tray; otherwise she might stop eating and accuse the staff of plotting to kill her. At the very least, it had always been an effective strategy for ensuring she kept her cafeteria privileges.

"Gaia," She mumbled to herself in disgust, "Where'd they all come from?" She made a mental note that there were quite a few high profile rogues here. Everyone seemed to end up in Arkham around the same time. Ivy suspected it was because they didn't want to deal with the cold. Free meals and a heated environment could be enticing to a criminal. The rogues treated Arkham more like a hotel that they came and went from as they pleased than as a mental health facility. 'I'm going to the spa,' is how Scarecrow had described it on one occasion. It was either that, or the Rodent had been working overtime.

Ivy grabbed her food tray from the cafeteria lady. Ivy could tell by the way the woman eyed her that she was expecting some kind of rant or complaint from the green woman. Luckily for her, Ivy was fixated on seeing Harley and not the quality of her food…  _today_. She scanned the room again. Sadly, Harley didn't seem to be there. Maybe she wasn't feeling well today.

Ivy made her way over to her usual table. She preferred it because it afforded her a good view of the entire room and all the entrances and exits. It would also be more difficult for someone to sneak up behind her since it was in the back row, about ten feet away from the wall. There was one small problem, however.

It was occupied.

She strode over to the table confidently. The inmates stopped eating to stare at her. She announced, "You are at my table." They all wordlessly grabbed their trays and filed away leaving it all to Ivy. She sat down with a smug grin. "Still got it." Other nearby inmates that had witnessed the scene took a collective sigh of relief that she hadn't decided to claim their own area. There was no competing with her toxic advantages.

Ivy stared down at her tray of something formerly vegetables and sighed. She didn't feel like eating. Harley was such a... a... argh! Words could never adequately describe the bubbly mess of energy that was Harley Quinn. The redhead was torn between her frustration at Harley's departure and the realization that she had been hurt very badly. Ivy's nostrils flared in annoyance. She wanted to see her friend, but she hadn't come to brunch. So here she was, sulking alone like a wallflower at prom.

"Mind if we?"

Ivy was startled by the question directed her way. Most inmates feared her wrath enough to give her a wide berth so conversation attempts by anyone other than Harley were few and far between. Two-Face, however, had been different. He was one of the few rogues that Ivy might consider a friend. Well, not a  _friend_. It's not like they got together and painted each other's toenails half/half while gossiping about boys or anything. Two-Face was one of the few that didn't seem to openly fear her, but instead offered a professional respect.

She supposed it was because they had some things in common. They both experienced feelings of isolation due to sudden changes in appearance, people feared their legendary mood swings, and they both had fanatical and irrational convictions. His more so than hers, of course; as a matter of fact, there wasn't anything irrational about Ivy's man-hating tree-loving obsessions. Apparently, group therapy hadn't been completely useless.

Harvey Dent motioned towards the seat across from her. She smirked, "Sure, it's not like you need a reservation."

He had barely sat down before the question came out, "So I hear you were busted by the Bat on the way out of here…" Harvey picked at his sandwich as he waited for a response. Half of the sandwich was ham and cheese, the other was peanut butter and jelly, one had a small salad next to it, the other had potato chips.

"And who did you hear that from, Harvey?" Ivy purred amicably, but her eyes held a clear warning.

He shrugged, "Oh, just curious. It's not like we get cable you know." She could tell she was talking to  _Harvey_  at the moment. To say that Harvey's other personality was less than polite was an understatement.

Ivy chuckled. She figured it was Nygma, the little gossip. He was worse than a teenage girl. "Collecting gossip for the others are you? I take it you drew the shortest straw."

"Ha!" He let out a loud guffaw, and then the tone of his voice changed slightly and became gruffer. "Oh Pammy, you are so paranoid. It's incredible."

It wasn't paranoia when she was  _right,_ and she hated when people called her that. Only the ugly one called her that. Harvey called her 'Ivy'. Ivy glowered at him and said in clipped tones, "You didn't deny it."

He was used to her pivoting moods since he had his own to contend with. He continued unintimidated, "Well, Ivy, you've got to admit it isn't exactly typical for someone to escape before they make it to their cell." He shrugged, "You're infamous now. More than usual anyway. It's kind of cool." He winked at her with his good eye and smiled charmingly. It was a shame that his face was scarred; he had been a handsome man before the incident. At least half of him was still attractive.

She leaned forward and asked seductively, "Do you want my autograph, Harvey?"

He chuckled and instinctively leaned away, "That won't be necessary, Ivy."

A nasally voice chuckled, "Aw, Red, are you seducing people already?"

Ivy's head snapped towards the familiar voice. It was difficult for the redhead to not tackle Harley to the ground and smother her with sloppy wet kisses like some poor lost dog that had just been reunited with its owner. Unfortunately, the busy cafeteria surrounded by security and their criminal peers was not the time and place for a 'hug'. "Harley!"

The blond was still using crutches, but she was moving around much more easily today. Upon closer inspection Ivy realized that she was only using one to help her with her bad leg. Her other hand was occupied holding her tray.

Ivy instinctively reached out and set it on the table beside her own tray. "Have a seat, Harl."

The blond gimped over and sat down next to her. She acknowledged Two-Face, "Hi guys."

"Hello Quinn."

"We're gonna talk about feminine stuff now…" Harley chuckled.

"I do believe that's my cue to leave. I can't have the other's thinking we're all BFFs." He was done with his food anyway.

After he left, Harley turned to face Ivy. The redhead was nearly blinded by the smile that erupted on the woman's face. "Red! I haven't seen you in like... Like  _forevah_! Tell me where ya been!"

Ivy got straight to business. "You weren't in your cell this morning."

"That's when I have physical therapy."

"Ah." Ivy offered a small smile.

Harley continued, "What'd they do to you? Was it solitary? I heard you set Jervis' head on fire." The harlequin's large blue eyes lit up in amusement at the last part.

Ivy blinked her eyes, "Um, no..."

Harley pouted, "Really?"

Ivy smirked and purred, "Not really my style, Harl."

"Oh..."

Ivy tore open a packet of dressing, "If you must know," She went about drizzling the vinaigrette onto her salad, "They felt that I needed some additional time in quarantine."

"Did it work?"

Her voice was laced voice with cynicism, "Does it  _ever_?"

"Oh, Red. I'm just so glad to see you!" Ivy studied her intently. Harley's demeanor shifted and she now seemed positively depressed, "Red, I'm so sorry I broke my promise to you. I didn't want to, but circumstances," She had a far off look in her eyes, "Were beyond my control." She chuckled, but it sounded more like a sigh.

She gently squeezed Harley's thigh under the table. "What happened to you?" She was more concerned than upset with the blond. Harley looked like she had been bench-pressed by Wonder Woman.

"Oh, you know, Red." She tried to sound nonchalant, but it was clear that discussing it bothered her, she noticed that her hand was shaking slightly. "High speed chases. Car wreck. Happened the night after I last saw ya." Ivy gave her a look that said she expected the blond to elaborate. "Joker thought-"

She was utterly disgusted, "Oh, here we go. I  _knew_  he was involved somehow!"

Harley sighed. She wasn't even going to defend him this time. "He thought it would be funny to see me drive with the breaks out. But then Batsy showed up and in the chaos he forgot the breaks didn't work no more. I didn't have my seat belt on and when it flipped I got tossed out the windshield."

"And let me guess, not a scratch on that little monster?" Luckily for them, Joker was so violent that he had no out-of-cell privileges. They also kept him in old Arkham since he didn't have any powers or special abilities like most of the denizens of Sector Seven.

Harley shrugged, "So that's why I wasn't able to come back to you. It was pretty bad so they took me to Gotham Medical, then they transferred me to Arkham's infirmary when they thought I was well enough. But don't worry about me, Red. I'm gonna be okay." She tried to sound perky, but it was muted.

"I'm glad you'll be alright, Harley."

"Yea, me too. I got lucky, just a few broken bones- ribs, collarbone, leg. Worst thing was the head injury." Harley chuckled, but it was devoid of humor, "The thing is, if I hadn't got tossed out I probably wouldn't be sittin' here talkin' to ya. The passenger side was completely kaput."

"Can I kill him now?"

Harley laughed sincerely. "Oh, Red, if you did that they'd revoke your privileges."

"It might be worth it."

"I'm surprised you didn't see it on the news."

Ivy was annoyed, "My babies caught the birdbrain snooping and I had to seek out a new hideout. Twice. I didn't have electricity at the other two." Why was  _everything_  Batman's fault? Damn his silly sidekick!

The blond's demeanor shifted and she wiped her eyes suddenly. "Are you alright, Harl?"

"I… my babies were in the car. Mistah J said they didn't make it." Laughing pancakes- that's what he had called them. The most 'hilarious roadkill ever'. That bastard. "But I'm not sure if he's just sayin' that or if it's true."

Ivy frowned. She knew how much Harley loved those hideous, driveling, mangy animals. They looked like something Gaia had fashioned out of dog and cat leftovers. Ivy squeezed her hand reassuringly. "We can find out what happened. One day, when we leave this rat hole."

"Yea, I guess. But it doesn't make me feel any bettah. They wouldn't have been in the car if it wasn't for me…" The blond shrugged. Ivy could see the scrapes and cuts along Harley's face. She assumed it was from the windshield. Harley turned away uncomfortably and focused on her sandwich. She sighed, "Yea, I look bad. I know."

The redhead patted Harley's thigh sympathetically before she quietly began to eat too.

A few minutes later, Harley was the one that broke the silence, "I've been meanin' to thank you- for the thoughtful gift."

Ivy raised an eyebrow. She had no idea what she was talking about.

"The snowglobe. It was really cute." She considered telling Pamela what had happened to it, but then thought better of it. Telling her would only result in the untimely deaths of any nearby inmates.

"Oh," Ivy's eyes lit up with recognition. She smiled, "I thought you'd like that. It made me think of you."

The redhead was so good to her. Harley was suddenly warmed with emotion, "Aw, I love my Puddin'."

Harley leaned in and kissed her on the lips affectionately. The kiss was brief, but had lasted long enough to be more than platonic. Ivy was more than a bit startled and glanced about. Fortunately no one seemed to notice because it had happened so fast, that, or they had sense enough to  _pretend_  that they hadn't noticed. Pamela Isley showing affection towards anything other than a plant was technically big news.

Ivy was just about to relax when she felt a hand wrap around her neck and yank her backwards away from the table. "Damn it, Isley. Keep your toxic lips to yourself! Wade, get Quinn to detox. Now!"

"Yes, Mr. Taylor."

"Wait! It's not her fault- it's not whatcha think…" Harley tried to explain.

Taylor glowered at Ivy, his black eye was just about healed, "And if you even think of spitting on me I'll make you wish you were never born." He hissed in her ear. She rolled her eyes.  _Men_. Doing just the opposite of his suggestion she spat right in his eye. "You fucking viper!" His hands were around her throat as guards and orderlies immediately intervened.

Ivy was manhandled all the way back to her cell and Taylor was dragged to detox with Harley.


	7. Chapter 7: Poetic Justice

 

 

"Oh my goodness gracious! Poison Ivy is wearing the same outfit as me! Clutch the pearls!" Joker cackled maniacally at the sight of Ivy in her white straight jacket and wheelchair. "We'll look so great together with our matching shirts. We can be twins today- BFFs! Harley will be  _so_  jealous." They wheeled her next to the Joker who was a healthy four feet away from anyone; he was wearing the same thing and also seated in a wheelchair. Fortunately, they had decided to forgo the face mask as it would largely defeat the point of being in group therapy.

'Oh great,' Ivy thought. She was going to have to listen to that fool babble on for a whole hour. If you weren't crazy when you went into Arkham, you sure as hell were when you came out.

He continued on uproariously as he shifted about wildly in his chair. "Someone get us a camera, Poison Ivy and I are having our very own Kodak moment!" It was a rare treat to see 'Nature's Chosen Protector' gussied up like a lunatic. The others were grinning and chuckling as well, while Ivy just glowered impotently at everyone. This was her penance for spitting on an orderly during brunch.

"Hurry up, Harley! Everyone's waiting for you!" Joker snapped unkindly at the blond as she limped along slowly with her crutches. Everyone included: Edward Nygma, Two-Face, Scarecrow, Arnold Wesker, and four patients that Ivy didn't recognize.

"I'm comin' Mistah J." Harley mumbled quietly as she blushed in embarrassment. She was already self-conscious about it.

Ivy snapped, "She's hurt, asshole. One would think you'd be more supportive of your  _girlfriend_." She said the word with contempt.

His eyes flashed as he stared at Ivy coldly. He was grinning, but there was nothing humorous about his tone, "Are you sure that she's  _my_  girlfriend, Pammy?" He wasn't a fool. The little scene in the cafeteria had gotten back to him. Thankfully, the seat on the other side of Joker was taken and Harley was able to sit beside Ivy instead of him, much to the clown's annoyance.

A short, pudgy man sat down and took a vacant chair in the group. He looked like he was in his mid-thirties, but he was starting to go bald which made him appear to be older. He was wearing the signature white coat that marked him as an Arkham psychiatrist. He glanced around the circle and made several notes on his clipboard. His gaze settled on Ivy.

"Welcome back to our group, Pamela." His bright voice and unwavering optimism grated on her nerves like salt in a wound. She was back in  _prison,_  not a pilates class at the Y. "We're all happy to see you again, aren't we?" He directed his question towards the rest of the group.

The other rogues just stared at her like they were bored and then pointedly looked away to express their disapproval, except Harley, of course. The blond beamed in agreement. Ivy said in a disgusted tone, "The feelings' quite  _mutual_."

One of the patients she didn't recognize rocked back and forth in their chair and blurted rapidly, "I'm very happy to see you, Pamela. I'm very happy… very very happy… very very happy… to see you… Pamela." He obviously wanted approval of some kind. Ivy had never seen him in her entire life.

Two-Face cut him off, "Shut up, freak."

The patient's face crumpled and he looked like he would burst into tears. Dr. Ryan frowned. "Mr. Dent that isn't the way we speak to each other in group therapy."

Scarecrow muttered, "Apparently it is." Ivy heard Edward Nygma snicker under his breath and she smiled slightly as Harvey was chastised like a second grader.

Two-Face just rolled his eyes and put his hands up in acknowledgement and leaned back in his chair, an apathetic expression settled on the 'good side' of his face.

Dr. Ryan redirected his attention to Ivy, "Pamela, would you like to begin our session by saying a little about yourself."

"I detest you- all of you." Harley chuckled at Ivy's reply.

He sighed at the usual answer he received from the plant woman. "Thank you, Pamela, is there anything anyone else wants to share today?" Dr. Ryan glanced around the circle. He had been at Arkham for a few years, if Ivy's memory served her right.

Ivy smirked as her predatory gaze settled on Arnold Wesker; he was sitting a few seats down from her. He fidgeted uncomfortably under her scrutiny. The psychiatrist caught it and cut her off before she could open her mouth, "And verbal abuse of any kind will not be tolerated- that especially means  _you_ , Ms. Isley. And you too, Mr. Dent. This is a  _safe space_."

Her smirk devolved into a scowl as she glared at the quack. The highlight of group therapy was breaking the other's down and that silly ventriloquist was such an easy target. She wanted to be the one to make him burst into tears; he was nothing without his dummy crutch. Two-Face already had his fun today.

The redhead shrugged and slumped slightly in her wheelchair. "I didn't say anything."

The doctor arched his eyebrow.

"If there's nothing to share, then we'll continue. During our last meeting you were all given an assignment." There were groans all around the room. "That assignment was to express yourselves in a poem about an issue that is important to you."

"Why don't we go around the circle starting with Mr. Wesker."

Oh great, Ivy thought. They were doing her side first. After listening to five long, rambling, nonsensical poems about the Dark Knight, Dr. Ryan spoke up. "So, is there anyone who did the assignment in a way that is not related to Batman?"

No one's hand went up.

The doctor sighed. "Alright then. Why don't we go with you next, Harley?"

"I didn't do it." She shrugged. Screw this crap. Assignment? What was this- high school? Fortunately she was able to just blame it on rehab.

"Ms. Isley?" Ivy glowered at the doctor, who felt the hairs stand up on the back of his neck in response. It was her first day in group therapy since she was re-admitted to Arkham. Of course, she didn't do it. He seemed to remember that. "Oh, never mind."

Joker cackled deviously, "Uh oh, Ms. Isley, was supposed to do the assignment. Something about flowers I'm sure! But why bother we all know how it's going to go: plants, blah, blah, blah, I'm a big dyke, I'll kill you all!"

Ivy simmered quietly as she tried to bore a hole through the wall with her eyes. Too much more of this and she'd be the one being dosed and wheeled out of the room in a fit today.

Dr. Ryan responded, "Let's stay focused-"

"Ooh! Pick me! Pick me! I have one!" Joker bobbed up and down in his seat. The doctor schooled his expression to avoid rolling his eyes. Joker  _always_  had something to say. "I have composed a haiku. It's Japanese, you know!" He said very seriously, "Your hand on my neck. Muscles pulsing like a god. My heart goes: Pow! Zap!" His lips made a popping noise on the end of the last word.

There was an awkward silence after that one. Then Joker began laughing maniacally. Harley looked at him and raised an eyebrow. Joker continued through laughter, "My blood is red, my bruises are blue, this is my body after a night spent with you!"

Suddenly Dr. Ryan's pager went off and he stood up and excused himself for a few minutes to make a call.  _Thank Gaia,_  Ivy thought. She wasn't in the mood to hear any more of Joker's homoerotic fantasies about the rodent. She could just imagine what Edward and Professor Crane would come up with.

"You okay in there, Red?" Harley referred to the annoying jacket.

"I'll live." Ivy shrugged.

"I'm sorry." Harley felt guilty about earlier. It hadn't occurred to her how security would react when she kissed Ivy since she was a woman and immune.

"I'm not." Ivy winked. Joker glared the exchange; he remembered when Harley was that attentive to his needs. Now she spoke to him like he was an afterthought. That bitch was going to  _pay._

Two-Face hated poetry day. Both of his personalities had been engaging in an internal battle over who would say what until finally they both just threw their hands up. He needed an excuse to get out of therapy. Glancing around, he quickly saw the answer to his dilemma.

"My, my Harley, you're looking uglier and uglier these days… You look like a  _wreck!"_  Joker laughed at his own evil joke.

Harley pretended she didn't hear him, but Ivy could see that it hurt her deeply. Her self-esteem was already hanging by a thread. If only she wasn't in this damn straight jacket. Argh! Ivy had many talents, but she didn't think she could accurately spit on Joker's face from four feet away. She wasn't possessed.

He was still wheezing with laughter, "Accidents don't seem to agree with your face!"

"Yea, well I guess accidents agree more with yours," Harley snarled. Ivy mentally applauded her. She couldn't remember Harley ever talking to him with that much bite.

His ugly face lit up gleefully with amusement, "Ooo! Meow!  _Tsk. Tsk_. Harley girl, is someone feeling self-conscious today?"

"It's all your fault, Mistah J. You cut the breaks." She grumbled under her breath as she crossed her arms.

"Is it?" He said comically as he batted his eyelashes, "Is it my fault, Harley? Are you sure? Because if I recall correctly a certain someone didn't do what I told them. As a matter of fact, if you hadn't failed  _again_  then we wouldn't even be in Arkham right now, would we?"

Harley stared at the floor as she fumed.

"Who is looking black and blue? You!  _You_!" He cackled cruelly. "Say you've been awfully quiet,  _Red_. Doesn't Harley look just awful today? Not as sharp as us gals, certainly!"

"Harley is always beautiful." Ivy said to Harley as she gave her a heated look.

Harley didn't say anything, but she blushed and a small smile appeared on her face. Joker scowled as he felt his power over the blond slipping.

"I don't know about that,  _Red._  You haven't seen her in the positions I have." Putting Harley down physically wasn't enough; he wanted to demean her sexually too.

"I bet I have." Ivy challenged with a sensuous smirk. He became so angry that he looked like he might burst. Screw discretion. She didn't care anymore, Harley was HERS now and she would rub it in that ugly little fucker's face until he choked on it. And if he wanted to throw down she'd obliterate him with a daisy.

Bring. It.  _On_.

From out of nowhere, Two-Face came barreling over to Harley, upsetting his chair in the process. He snatched the crutch from her unwilling hands.

"Hey!" She squeaked. "That's mine!"

"We need to borrow this for a second." Ivy could tell by the subtle inflection and deeper tone of his voice that the 'ugly one' was in control at the moment. He turned and bashed Joker upside the head with Harley's crutch. Ivy instinctively leaned away from the ensuing violence as her spirits soared at the scene before her. "Come here, ya little queer!" Joker tumbled out of his wheel chair and tried to scoot away facedown like a worm, but it was difficult (and hilarious!) because he was restrained in the straitjacket. He wailed on the floor pathetically as blow after blow rained down on him.

"Help! Help!" He shrieked and cackled simultaneously, "I'm being accosted by a giant piece of fried chicken! Oh please, please!" He pleaded dramatically, "Take it away! Take it away my eyes are burning from the zombie's hideousness!" He laid there on the floor laughing to the point of tears as blood dribbled out of his mouth and nose while security intervened.

Dr. Ryan sighed as he took out a syringe. He couldn't leave these people for  _five minutes_. It was going to be a long day.

"Thanks, Harvey."

"Anytime ladies." The guards cuffed him and escorted him away.

"Did he just wink at me?" Harley asked.

"Maybe, it's hard to tell on the bad side."


	8. Chapter 8: Sweet Sacrifice

 

 

Ivy had lost track of the date. Arkham's florescent lights, lack of windows, and constant annoyances did nothing to assuage the already barely discernible passage of time. How long had it been? Weeks? Months? They admitted her back in January so she figured it had to be sometime around March or April. She had focused her energies on resting and gaining her strength. She was at her physical apex and under normal circumstances she would be leaving any time now, but there was one serious problem with her typical plan…

Harley was ill _._

She had learned of this rather alarming fact from one of their block's guards. 'Why isn't Harley back?' She had demanded. 'Sick. Infirmary,' had been his simple response. Usually she preferred this guard for his silence and respectful distance, but she would have given anything for more detail than that. She worried the whole night. She'd confirmed it with Dr. Gadlow the following day. Harley's bones had knitted and she was off crutches, but due to some internal complication from the accident she had ended up with a very serious kidney infection.

Dr. Gadlow did a double take as her normally green patient was looking quite… normal today. Her flesh had all but lost its green tint leaving a normal complexion; however, her lips were still green and there were a few leafy tendrils that were still visible if one were to look closely. Ivy sat down on the couch across from the brunette.

"Pamela, you look nice today."

"I look nice  _every_  day, Leslie." Ivy stated plainly.

"Yes, that's what I meant." She quickly corrected. "Any particular reason for the sudden change?"

"It isn't easy being green, as you are well aware." Pamela smiled at her own joke. Then she shrugged, "And I just thought I'd try a new look."

Ivy typically only utilized her normal flesh tone when she was outside of Arkham and trying to blend-in in public. When she was in the institution she allowed herself to remain green the majority of her stay. It was a visual marker to remind these sick freaks that no matter how little she was wearing she was always  _off limits_. She was poison and she used her greenness the same way poison dart frogs and insects did. Bright colors meant painful and sudden death. Even the most insane inmate could fathom one of nature's most basic concepts.

"Is it an effort to do that?"

"It's not too hard, but it does take some focus. It's easier when I haven't been getting adequate sunlight." There was a mild rebuke in her tone.

"Is that your way of suggesting we let you out into the yard?"

"You'd just say 'no' anyway." They gave her supplements to compensate for keeping her out of direct sunlight. She was much stronger when she could photosynthesize and this was their way of weakening her without the help of medication.

"As long as you understand that."

"Can I see her?" Ivy asked Leslie from out of nowhere.

Dr. Gadlow looked up from her notes, "Pamela, it is not within standard protocol to allow patients to visit the infirmary unless they are in need of medical attention themselves."

Ivy held her legendary temper at bay in order to get what she wanted; she spoke in clipped tones, "She's ill. I need to check on her"

Leslie noticed that her hands were balled up in fists. She could tell that being polite (Pamela's definition, anyway) was taxing her immensely. Pamela was expressing genuine concern for another human's well-being. She especially noticed that she 'needed' to see her. Dr. Gadlow wanted nothing more than to reinforce her positive behaviors, but Ivy was known for her duplicity and easy lies.

"And why should I allow you to do that?"

"Because," She spoke condescendingly. "Harley  _needs_  me. Who else is going to look out for her? This is an institution for criminals. We aren't exactly high on the list for priority medical care. I need to make sure those fools aren't killing her!"

Leslie made a note that Pamela's paranoia had extended to encompass Harley now. Leslie studied her expression and Ivy stared back expectantly. She cleared her throat, "Well, Pamela, I can understand your concerns, but from what I've been told, Ms. Quinn is expected to improve in time."

Ivy started to lose her temper and demanded imperiously, "But I've been on good behavior! I should be rewarded!"

Leslie held in a laugh and schooled her expression, "Why do you feel your behavior has been good?"

Her temper simmered dangerously below the surface. "Why do you think my behavior has  _not_  been good?" She glowered at the brunette; unimpressed, the doctor just stared back.

Leslie sighed, "Pamela, I will admit that there have been some improvements in your overall conduct, but whether or not your recent actions could be considered 'good' is debatable."

"I have cooperated with staff! …Mostly, and I have been wearing my uniform on a regular basis. And you know how much I  _hate_  it!"

"You told me in a previous session that the reason you wear the uniform now is because Harley asked you too. It wasn't motivated by a desire to be cooperative with staff."

"I can't help it if she's the jealous type!" She argued, "I am very beautiful as you are well aware, Leslie."

"You assaulted Arnold Wesker on the way to the mess hall yesterday." She replied dryly.

She was frank, "The Ventriloquist is a simpering coward whom I have nothing, but disdain for. And besides, the others dared me."

"Who?"

"Harvey."

Leslie rolled her eyes. Those two were very bad news when they were together. Whenever they interacted it was common for some poor unsuspecting third party to end up having a nervous breakdown or some kind of injury. If Arkham had an in-crowd they were its bullies.

Ivy tried to explain, "Actually, it was Two-Face that suggested it. He wanted to see him fall down the stairs and the coin agreed it would be a good idea. Harvey actually argued against it. He didn't want to be directly involved."

Leslie didn't bother masking her annoyance, "What have I told you about participating in others' delusions?"

She shrugged and said defensively, "Hey, I didn't 'participate,' he was arguing with himself and then the ugly one suggested that  _I_  shove him down the stairs, that way both personalities would be satisfied and everyone would get what they wanted."

Leslie frowned.

Ivy crossed her arms. "What? He presented a logical argument."

"Ms. Isley…"

When Gadlow started calling her 'Ms. Isley' she knew she had crossed the line. So what if she hadn't been a model patient? When had she  _ever_? Leslie's expectations were so unrealistic. The redhead became desperate as she recognized the rejection in her voice. "Harley's illness is adversely affecting my own health," she declared rapidly with a hint of desperation.

She just had to hear this. She asked skeptically, "How so?"

"I have been sick with worry! I've been eating less and I have great difficulty sleeping."

"I believe you're exaggerating, Pamela."

Ivy stared at the floor as she arrived at a decision. Without taking her eyes off the blue carpet, she muttered something under her breath. It was a very uncharacteristic show of… submission? Or resignation? Ivy's tactics had always been straight forward- if she ranted and raved long enough someone would eventually cave or put her back in her enclosure, but this was completely new to Leslie.

"I'm sorry. I didn't hear what you said." Ivy repeated herself at a higher volume, but she mumbled so rapidly she couldn't quite catch it. "Excuse me?"

She raised her voice and declared bitterly, "I  _said_  I'll volunteer for cleaning duty."

Leslie almost fell out of her seat. She was bewildered, "Y-You…  _you_   _will_?"

Ivy had a somber expression on her face as she resigned to her fate. She looked like someone that had just volunteered themselves for the guillotine. " _If_  I can visit Harley  _every day_  for as long as she's in the infirmary I'll… mop the floors… until she's out."

Ivy would have preferred kitchen duty, but knew they'd never let her within a mile of everyone's food; never mind that she could out-cook the current cafeteria shmucks. They'd never let her do yard work either for reasons that were obvious, and she couldn't stand the idea of being cooped up in the library surrounded by piles of dead tree flesh and people like Edward Nygma! Gaia, this sucked. For the sake of the entire facility, Harley had better recover quickly.

The brunette sat back in her seat. She hadn't seen this one coming. Patients that wanted to up their behavior rating or look better to the courts and parole board often volunteered to perform menial tasks around the facility. "Well, Pamela, I think that would be a fair exchange. But if you step out of line once-"

"I know. I know. Privileges revoked and blah, blah, blah." She stood up from her seat, "I'd like to see Harley now."

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

"Shhh. It's alright. I'm here."

Harley could feel someone dabbing her head with a cool cloth. She peeled her heavy eyelids open and was greeted by the most beautiful sight.

"Are you an angel?"

The angel laughed, "It's me, Harl."

With the fluorescent lights behind her and lack of green complexion, Ivy seemed to have a halo to Harley's fevered eyes. "Red?" She replied weakly.

"Mhmm."

She smiled. The blond was frighteningly pale and she was very feverish. Her voice was weak, "I asked to see you, but they said you couldn't visit me."

"I have an arrangement with Gadlow now."

"I'm glad you came." She smiled tiredly. "Not sportin' ya green tahday?"

Ivy shook her head, "How are you feeling?"

"Sleepy." She yawned on cue. "And cold."

Without hesitation, Ivy snatched a clean blanket off an empty bed nearby and put it over Harley. "Thanks." She chuckled, "You always look out for me, huh Red?"

She didn't respond. Her brow furrowed with concern as she pulled the stiff, white blanket up higher and tucked her in more. Ivy hadn't realized just how  _bad_  Harley's condition really was until she saw her first hand. She remembered the doctor's words: 'She'll get better in time.' To hell with that! Harley looked like death eating a cracker, and failing at it.

"I'm going to visit you every day, Harley."

"Really? I'm afraid to ask whatcha did ta get that arrangement… You kiss a shrink?"

"I wish…" Ivy muttered darkly. "That means you have to get better  _quickly,_  Harl." She leaned in closer to Harley's face. "Then we can get the hell out of Dodge."

The blond whispered, "You could leave without me, ya know."

"No, I can't." She was going to make damn  _sure_  Harley stayed away from that awful clown if it meant she'd have to hold the woman's hand the rest of her life. "Besides, who else will be the getaway driver?"

The blond managed a giggle. "Yea, I guess you drive kinda like a maniac."

"I can't help it if there are other things to consider besides the road," Ivy said sarcastically.

"Yea, it would probably be best if you waited for me…" Harley's eyelids were drooping. It was bedtime.

"I think so." Ivy smiled. She could hear the heavy footsteps of the guard approaching.

"Isley. Time's up," came the surly command she'd expected.

She gave the blond's hand a squeeze and she leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Try to get some sleep, Harley."

"Yea…" She was already nodding off, "Later Red…"

"Sleep well, Harley."

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

Ugh. Manual labor. Ivy had been working at her new assigned task for over a half hour now and she was already sick of it. Ivy's ears perked up as she worked her mop down the long corridor. The faster she worked the sooner she would be done. As she neared Sector Seven. She could hear singing. She could hear Whitney Houston's voice belting out the last part of  _'I Will Always Love You.'_

She glanced at a nearby inmate; he was rocking back and forth manically and becoming emotional as he mouthed the words of the song. The hairs stood up on the back of her neck involuntarily at the perfect vocals. She rolled her eyes.

_Clayface._

Sure enough as she rounded the corner she saw Whitney Houston, well Clayface in the form of the late diva. Clayface had no out of cell privileges and he would occasionally perform to pass the time. He had been a movie star before turning to a life of crime, and his inner ham felt the need to express itself periodically.

Having him in Sector Seven was like having a radio that turned on at inopportune times and ever since Harley had been transferred to their cell-block he had become even worse. The bouncy blond would encourage him by singing along with her nasally voice, much to everyone's chagrin. And since just about  _everyone_  liked Harley to some degree, she had an easy time getting her way when it came to requests. If Ivy had to listen to Clayface do that Little Mermaid song one more time…

The guard motioned to this area to let her know that she should commence cleaning. She tried to ignore the others' conversation.

"Do John Lennon now!" She heard an inmate say excitedly.

"Patsy Cline!"

"No, do more Whitney."

"Whitney sucks!"

"Hey!" She recognized Two-Face's angry voice booming from around the corner. "You don't talk about  _The Voice_  like that or when I get out of this cell I'm gonna bust your crazy head open!" The offending inmate cringed in his own cell, while several others expressed a similar sentiment.

"Yea, shut the fuck up man!"

"You don't know shit!"

"Cretin with no taste!"

"I'm gonna cut your eyes out and dip 'em in chocolate!"

"How about some Richard Pryor?" Another voice asked, trying to steer the subject away from psychotic ranting.

Clayface reverted back into his normal, hideous gelatinous form as he noticed Ivy quietly mopping the floor. He looked ridiculous as he leaned his large squishy body against the glass wall of his cell, while she worked nearby. He chortled as he flattened his face against the glass, "So Ivy, you goin' straight or something?"

She glanced around nervously to see if anyone had overheard the question. She hissed quietly at the giant, gingerbread-shaped man, "Don't be ridiculous!" Her reputation was at stake. She whispered in his direction, "I have an arrangement with Dr. Gadlow."

His voice sounded thick and goopy. "Arrangement?"

"Yes, to see Harley."

"Oh." He grinned, "How is my little backup singer?"

"Not feeling too good, I'm afraid."

"Ah, tell her I'll do that Disney song for her when she gets back- that teapot one she keeps talking about."

She smiled slightly and tried to refocus on her job.

"Ow! Mop that floor, baby! Scrub it  _harder_!" Some foolhardy inmate shouted at her excitedly from his cell. "

Ivy took comfort in knowing that it was only a matter of time before her day of reckoning. She mostly ignored the jeers and cheers and went about her business. At least she got to be outside of a cell, unlike these fools.

"We missed you, Ivy." There were a few cat calls and whistles following that statement.

Ivy rolled her eyes; yea, she had been missed alright. She was one of a handful of female patients and she had a tendency to walk around almost naked in a glass room in the middle of her sector. She was the closest thing these losers had to cable. A coed institution for the criminally insane- what a novel idea! Stupid, ridiculous, Arkham.

"Take off your clothes!"

She sneered at one of the nobodies, "How about I take off your head!" Several quieted down and another giggled quietly in the corner. They were crazy, but they weren't stupid. Arkham had a very clear hierarchy and Ivy was in its uppermost strata. She had proven numerous times that human life- particularly male life had a very low ranking in her value system. She also had a tendency to follow through on her threats and was well known for her vindictiveness and long memory.

Ivy continued to mop the floor, or at least she pretended too well enough to appease the guards. They weren't really interested in the quality of her work; they just seemed relieved that she wasn't trying to do anything nefarious (to their knowledge). That was fine with her. She only cared about her visits with Harley. The rest of them could all go to hell.


	9. Chapter 9: Strategic Alliances

 

 

 _Two weeks later_ …

Ivy flopped down in the seat directly across from Harvey Dent during lunch. He was the only one at the table, although considering his split personality that was probably a matter of perspective. "I've been thinking." She announced candidly.

He shrugged nonchalantly, "Well, if you were Quinn saying that then it would probably be a sign to get your meds upped."

Ignoring his crack on Harley, she lowered her voice so that only he could hear. "I'm proposing an escape plan, a mutual arrangement." Ivy had plenty of time to think during her boring sojourns with mop and pail, and she had come to the realization that her 'job' could be advantageous from a strategic standpoint. She now had access to new areas and people she wouldn't normally be able to get close too.

"Now you're speaking our language." Harvey was very interested, but made an effort to appear bored for the sake of the guards. He didn't need a coin to tell him this was the optimum solution.

"I'm sure you've heard about my arrangement with Gadlow."

He had a twinkle in his eye (the good one), "You mean your new janitorial duties?"

He laughed as she continued with a frown, "I've realized that I could use my new access to our benefit."

Ivy had never been known to work well with others. She was a loner. The only thing Poison Ivy cared about was herself, with plants coming in at a close second. He glanced around to make sure no one was within earshot, then he leaned forward, "Why in the hell would you help us escape?"

Ivy mirrored his actions, "Not just you… many of us."

The last thing he wanted was to be stabbed in the back or get caught holding the bag. He may like talking to her on occasion, but that didn't mean he liked her enough to actually  _trust_  her. "You never cared before, not that I blame you." He hadn't cared before either, escapes were typically 'every man for himself.' "But I've still got to know: why?"

"Because I've noticed new securities and more high tech equipment. There are also more guards in inconvenient locations since my last attempt. I realize the value of extending the proverbial olive branch, so to speak."

Harvey studied her thoughtfully. "This isn't about added security; you've managed to contaminate the entire facility with your pheromones before."

She rolled her eyes. One would think that people would be more interested in  _escaping_  than talking. "It's always easier to slip out during a prison riot or some other form of chaos."

He rubbed his chin, and then his eyes lit up with amusement. "Oh, I get it now." She could tell by his change in tone that she wasn't talking to Harvey anymore. This was Two-Face.

"What?" She didn't like his tone.

"This is about your sweet piece of tail." He shook his head and let out a low whistle, "And with an ass like that I can't say I blame you."

It would be easier to have them  _all_  escape, rather than escape with just Harley. The odds that one of them would be caught or injured during their getaway was higher than the redhead would like. Ivy glowered at him as she prayed her epic blush was invisible through her green complexion, "This is about  _leaving_. You either want too or you don't."

He just laughed at her. "Aw, Pammy, are you in love with her?" She looked like she wanted to claw his eyes out. "You know she's Joker's girl, right? She'll drop you like a hot potato."

She hissed and crossed her arms indignantly, "I'd prefer if you didn't waste my time since you clearly enjoy sitting in your cell."

"Waste  _your_  time? Pammy, you sat down at my table." Ew, that nickname.

"And how pathetic that you even have to call it that. Well, you can enjoy  _your_  table, while I enjoy all of Gotham." She stood up and turned to walk away.

"Alright, alright, sit down." He relented. She slowly sat back down. His voice took on a business-like tone, "What do you need?" She could tell Harvey had taken control again.

"I'm going to need certain seeds from outside. It's nothing exotic. I know they can be found in the yard."

He shrugged, "They revoked my yard privileges after I socked the Hatter. I don't have access anymore, Ivy."

Ivy rolled her eyes, "Who does?"

He shifted uncomfortably. "You'd probably have to get that from Wesker."

" _Damn it_."

"Yep, the guy you tossed down the stairs."

She said defensively, "At  _your_  recommendation!" She sighed, "Don't worry I'll handle that little bugger."

"You might also want to talk to Crane, I hear he has a guy on the outside that can get things."

She nodded and made her way to the other side of the large cafeteria. Ivy purred seductively as she sauntered over to the table, "Arnold, dear. Is it my imagination or have you been avoiding me?" The others who were sitting at the table got up and moved away quickly. Her appearance usually signaled trouble.

He looked decidedly nervous as Ivy sat down across from him at the lunch table.

"I'm watchin' you, Isley!" She heard Taylor bark from across the room.

She turned to him and said loudly, "Of course you are, I'm very beautiful." He rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Lips to yourself!" He shouted back.

She blew him a kiss to annoy him before turning back to the Ventriloquist. "So, where were we Arnold?"

"Um… I was just leaving actually…" He moved to get up.

"No, you weren't." She said authoritatively.

He shrank back down onto his seat and sighed. "What do you want from me?"

I want you to  _die_. "Myself, and some of the others are tired of being here. We, well,  **I**  have need of a few items that would facilitate our mutual escape. I hear you have access to the yard..."

His look of terror morphed into a self-satisfied smirk. She  _needed_  him. "Ah, so you need me do you?"

Her false pleasantry was gone and in its place was the cold, calculating sociopath they all feared. She spoke in a harsh whisper, "Look, you little weasel. I don't need a fucking dance partner. You either want out of this shit hole or not. And if you want to make this  _personal_  Arnie, imagine what will happen when all those doors open and it's just a lot of dead guards, me, and you without your  _teddy bear_  to save you _._ "

"Why do you hate me?"

The false politeness was back, "Oh, Arnold, dear. Don't you know? I hate  _everyone._ "

"Except Joker's tart." He sniped.

People froze as they heard a loud bang on the table and Ivy slammed her fists down.

"Isley, back off!" She heard Taylor bark from across the room.

She said quietly, "Remember what I said." She made a point to discreetly drop a tiny folded piece of paper on the table as she made a big show for security of getting up and leaving.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

Another mopping extravaganza! Ivy was already in the mood to kill something and it had only been a half hour. This time she was cleaning the floor leading into the library. Hopefully she could make this useful. Edward Nygma was sitting behind the front desk; he was a part-time librarian. It was an excuse to read and be out of his cell.

Glancing at the guard to make sure he wasn't paying close attention, she moved closer to the front desk where Edward was sitting. The Riddler was pretending to ignore her as he casually flipped the pages of his book. There was a piece of paper on the counter with the words 'CANINE ARENA RID.'

Ivy rolled her eyes at the anagram and she hissed in a low whisper. "Edward, I don't have time for your silly games! Are you interested or not?"

He sulked. Turning the paper to face himself he quickly scrawled a sentence beneath the words and punctuated it with an annoyed huff as he underlined the sentence with his pencil and turned it back around for her. 'Crane and I are in,' was what it now read.

She smirked. "Of course you are." She glanced over at a nearby table. Jonathan Crane nodded discreetly and went back to his reading. Ivy made a point to take a balled up piece of paper out of her pocket and toss it into a nearby waste basket.

The guard was giving her the stink eye so she grabbed her mop and bucket and headed back out. As she was leaving she saw Nygma reach into the trash can out of the corner of her eye.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

"Hello Harl." Ivy drawled as she pulled a chair up to Harley's bedside.

"Hi Red." She could tell the blond had more energy today. Unfortunately, she had lost a kidney, but at least now she would get better.

"Feeling better?"

"Yea, I am."

She smiled and stated calmly, "That's good to hear. Because if they weren't making you better then there would be death and destruction on a massive scale."

Harley giggled dreamily as she felt a burst of emotion, "Oh, Red, you say the sweetest things." She had never felt anything remotely similar to this with Mistah J. No, come to think of it she mostly felt sheer blinding terror and anxiety with him- especially in the last few months. How the hell had she misinterpreted those feelings? Was it just an adrenaline rush? Was she an adrenaline junkie? Harley always did have a thing for danger. Maybe she  _was_  crazy.

She smiled shyly at her girlfriend. "You look nice today."

"I'm beautiful, Harley. I always look nice." Ivy studied her finger nails.

Harley giggled. "Yea, I can see your ego is doin' real well."

Ivy shrugged, "Yes, well everyone's good at something." She realized how she must sound, "But, I… do enjoy hearing you say it all the same." She blushed. Ivy wasn't accustomed to accepting compliments, not the genuine kind anyway. "Anyway, there's something I've been meaning to discuss with you."

Ivy leaned in and whispered to Harley as the blond blushed and giggled. To anyone observing it seemed as though the redhead was whispering sweet nothings into the other woman's ear, but what she was really whispering were the details of their escape plan.

Ivy leaned back with a smug look on her face. "Think you can handle it, Harl?"

"Boy, can I. This is brilliant!" Harley chuckled. "You just leave it to me, Red. I'll have it by the time they lemme outta here. I won't letcha down."

Ivy heard the guard calling from the doorway. She gave the blond's hand a squeeze before getting up to leave.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

_A week later…_

Harley and Ivy were seated in the cafeteria at their preferred table. Harley had been released with a clean bill of health and took her meals with Ivy. Two-Face happened to be sitting with them at the moment as they plotted. Today was important because their escape was on the horizon.

"Canister heel ivy pig!" Edward said conversationally as he walked past their table. He was known to occasionally blurt out riddles and other nonsense and it was largely ignored as part of his 'disease'.

He muttered to Riddler's retreating form, "Sorry Eddie, we don't speak retard."

Ivy rolled her eyes. It had been like that all week with Edward, and never mind poetry day in group therapy; Gaia, that had been  _painful._  An entire thirty two stanza poem about the rodent had been a cleverly disguised anagram. Riddler was enjoying the 'secret communication' aspect a little too much. Fortunately, Harley was much smarter than she let on and could usually interpret his riddles and anagrams very quickly almost as though it was second nature. Ivy wasn't too sure what that said about the inner workings of Harley's brain though.

"I'm assuming he didn't just call me a canister of pig feet."

Harley giggled at their looks of confusion. She whispered across the table, "Everything is in place." Ivy and Harvey nodded.

So far everyone had come through; even Wesker had managed to acquire the seeds she needed. Of course, he'd also needed additional reassurance that she wasn't double crossing him or plotting his demise, which she wasn't. Not officially anyway. He wasn't worth that kind of effort.

Scarecrow and Two-Face had kept track of security patrols and schedules, while Edward had facilitated communication through handing out books with more of his silly riddles, no doubt. She just hoped his recipients were able to understand them. What started out as Ivy's simple and straightforward plan now had the makings of a bad spy thriller. It was so flashy, so overly complex, and oh so  _Edward_.

Now he had them using Wizard of Oz alias'. Ivy was, of course, the 'wicked witch.' It wasn't the not-so-subtle insult that bothered her; it was the obviousness of who would be the wicked witch. Hello! She was the only green person in Gotham. She supposed it was better than the originally suggested 'Toto,' especially since Harley was 'Dorothy.' It was times like this when Ivy realized something very important: Edward Nygma's intellectual prowess was much exaggerated.

Ivy had used her privilege, if one could call performing janitorial duties without wages a 'privilege,' to send messages and acquire items from others that had agreed to the plan. She had also distributed her seeds this way. Two-Face had bribed certain guards and Harley had pilfered several syringes and drugs during her time in the medical wing before she was released. Her psychiatric medical expertise had come in handy in this instance, as well as her slightly-outdated insider knowledge of the facility's protocols and inner workings. Fortunately for them, Arkham rarely learned from its mistakes.

This was very delicate, especially with so many knowing about it. Ivy had never trusted the others and she still didn't, but if there was one thing they all had in common it was an intense desire to leave this wretched place. Everything was coming together. It was just a few more days now.


	10. Chapter 10: Coming Out of the Closet

 

 

Ivy was putting away the mop and bucket in a small janitorial room; the guards trusted her enough to allow her do that at least. It was her last day mopping floors since Harley had been out of the medical wing for a while now. If she continued without incentive Gadlow might become suspicious. She had just finished putting everything away when she heard the door click shut behind her. She spun around and was greeted by the woman that had dominated her thoughts as of late.

"Harl!" Ivy whispered, "How did you get out?"

"Jervis had an 'emergency'," Harley made quotes with her fingers, "during movie night." There was a twinkle in her eye. Ivy had always been excluded from movie night, too many subjects in close proximity for her to potentially contaminate. Not that she was interested in black and white films anyway.

Ivy grinned, "Why Harley," She said playfully, "Are you inferring that you may have done something  _naughty_  to him?"

"No." Harley closed the distance between them, "But I was hoping I could do something naughty to you, Red."

Before Ivy could respond she found Harley's lips pressed against hers and suddenly her back was slammed against the wall. The kiss was hungry and desperate. It had been so long since they'd been together; it was like a cool drink of water after wandering in a desert. When Ivy pulled back they were both panting and out of breath. After a great deal of effort, Ivy's hormone addled brain managed to form a coherent thought. "Harl," She gasped for air, "We could get caught."

"I know! Don'tcha love it?" She grinned wildly, "But don't worry. I locked the door, Red."

"But they have keys…"

Harley held up her finger- a ring of keys were dangling from it. "You mean these keys?" The blond tilted her head and pouted playfully. "I jammed one of 'em in the door." The closet locked from the inside and the outside. A lot of the rooms in Arkham doubled as panic rooms, escape attempts were so frequent.

Ivy chuckled, "You clever girl."

"Oh, Red. I've been wanting you for so long. You're all I can ever think about, and it doesn't help," She poked Ivy in the chest as she pouted, "That you insist on struttin' around with your clothes hangin' off half the time."

Logic and reason tried to rule Ivy's thought processes, but unfortunately she wasn't really a reasonable person. "This could jeopardize our escape."

Harley kissed her gently and she said softly, "And if that escape fails then we missed an opportunity ta be togetha."

Harley made a valid point! It was time to stop playing devil's advocate. Ivy leaned in and they resumed their frustrated fumbling. The cramped space of the closet made it more than a bit awkward. Without removing her lips from the redhead's, Harley began the task of unbuttoning Ivy's shirt when she finally gave up halfway and tore the rest open in annoyance.

"I always..." Ivy mumbled between kisses, "Hated. That. Shirt."

In an attempt to make the most of their space, or lack thereof, Harley steered Ivy over to a small wooden cabinet and counter. Then Harley encouraged Ivy to perch on it as she kissed and licked her way down to the redhead's chest. Trying to keep quiet was proving more and more difficult and when Harley hit a particularly sensitive bit of flesh Ivy wasn't able to stifle the loud moan that it elicited.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

 

"What the hell is wrong with Jervis?" Taylor came over to where several security officers were standing over the prone form of the Hatter. He was unconscious. The entire room was on lock down at the moment. Taylor rubbed his face tiredly as he stared at one of the guards expectantly.

"I dunno. He just started freaking out. Then it looked like he had a seizure or something. EMT is on the way." As if on cue, a nurse and two paramedics rushed over with a gurney.

"And you didn't see what happened?" The guard shrugged and another shook his head. "Did anyone do anything to him?"

"I can't tell. I don't think so."

"Who was sitting near him?"

The guards glanced around and pointed at the inmates that were nearby. They put their hands up. "We didn't see nuthin'."

"Yea, and even if we did we ain't tellin' you nuthin, pigs." One of them spat at their feet. The guard hit him upside the head with his baton causing the man to hit the ground. He recognized that thug as one of Joker's flunkies. Normally the common riffraff would be sent to Blackgate Penitentiary, but there were usually a few that were crazy enough to make the cut for Arkham.

Taylor looked around as Jervis was taken away. Something didn't seem right. He took a look at the chairs. Jervis has been sitting near the end of the row. There was a space directly behind him, but there was no chair. Then he noticed a chair had been moved back and into a corner. He looked at the guards, "We're missing someone, who was sitting behind him?"

The guards shrugged and one of them spoke up, "Um, I'm not s.s. …"

"Then get a damn roster!" Did he have to do  _everything_  himself? A flustered guard handed him the list. He didn't even recognize half the names on it- he usually only dealt with the block 7 rogues, not these two-bit thugs. He did pause when a name caught his eye.

"Where's Quinn?" He glanced around the room. There were only a few female patients at Arkham and they could all be counted on one hand. He didn't see any blond pigtails. Damn it!

"Shit! She's gone!" One of the guards cursed.

Taylor barked at them, "Double- no, triple the security on Joker and sound the alarms."

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

 

Ivy's fist was tangled in the blond's hair as Harley's mouth found her center. Ivy whimpered needfully under her attentions.

_Bam! Bam! Bam!_

They both froze momentarily at the sound before resuming and ignoring it.

"Isley, what the hell are you doing in there?" Her guard banged on the door again, "Come out now!"

"Go away!" She husked as she felt her pulse quickening.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

 

"Gadlow here." The brunette picked up her phone.

"Isley's barricaded herself in a maintenance closet and she's refusing to come out," Said Pamela's guard.

"Can't you just open the door?" She rolled her eyes.

"It's been sabotaged somehow. My key isn't working."

Leslie's eyes widened and she grabbed her glasses off her desk and put them on. "Do you think she could be harming herself?"

"Hell, if I know. It'd be easier if I didn't' have to bash the door in. She did sound like she was in pain though."

"I'm on my way!"

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

 

As Leslie made her way down the hall towards the maintenance room the alarms started blaring and flashing. "Damn it." She hoped it was unconnected, but somehow she doubted it.

Quickening her pace, she went straight up to the door and tried to yell over the alarms, "Pamela? Pamela, are you alright?" She knocked on the door frantically, but it was impossible to hear anything with the alarms roaring. She thought she could hear groaning, but she wasn't sure. Before she could say anything to Isley's guard she heard commotion down the hall as several orderlies and security personnel made their way past.

Taylor and a security guard made their way over to Leslie, but before either of them could open their mouth, the brunette snapped, "Who got out this time?"

"Quinn disappeared during the movie. We're beefing up Joker's security." Taylor answered.

She put her hands on her hips, "And how did that happen?"

The guard answered, "She did something to Jervis, used it as a distraction."

Then Leslie had a thought. She pinched the bridge of her nose as she felt a headache coming on. "Turn off the alarms."

"What, but…"

"I said turn them off!" She demanded.

"With all due respect, Doctor, this is a security matter now." The guard tried to explain.

"Oh, I know  _exactly_  where she is." She said tiredly as she removed her glasses and slipped them into the pocket of her white coat.

Taylor paused and nodded to the guard. The guard said something into his walkie-talkie and the alarms shut down. Finally, it was quiet again. And then…

" _Oh yes, Harley!"_

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

 

"Oh!" Ivy mewled needfully as she began climaxing.  _"Oh… Oh… Oh… Oh… Oh… Oh... Oooh!"_

They could hear Gadlow's muffled voice from the other side of the door as she knocked on it pathetically. It was reinforced with steel, so they wouldn't be kicking it in anytime soon. "Pamela Isley, you will come out of there this instant! And you too, Harleen!" They could hear cheers coming from nearby prisoners that were hearing them.

Ivy couldn't help, but laugh. Yes, she was going to come alright. She let a loud wanton moan as her back arched and her muscles tensed. In their excitement they managed to overturn a shelf, creating a loud clattering noise as the bottles of cleaning solvents tumbled to the floor.

Gadlow was saying something else, but it was likely irrelevant as the only thing of importance was the fact that Harley was kissing her again. She could taste herself on Harley's lips. She stroked the blond's face gently, "Harley, I…I…"

There was more banging on the door. She recognized the voice as Taylor's, "Get yourselves decent! Now!"

Harley silenced her with a kiss. "I know, Red." They stared at each other lovingly for a few seconds. Ivy pulled her into an embrace and just held her. There was more banging. "We'll have more time togetha once we get outta here."

Ivy sighed, "I know. It just seems so far away."

Harley kissed her again and giggled. "Red, you taste like Kool-Aid again!"

"Why do you  _always_  say that?" Harley was so strange sometimes.

"Because it's the truth," she punctuated her words with a kiss. "You. Taste. Like. Kool-Aid." Harley kissed her again as she ignored the doctor's muffled complaints. "And I love it."

She chuckled and rolled her eyes, "Whatever, dear."

"I'm  _serious_ , Red. Whenever you get turned on you start to taste like nectar or something. I mean you are like a giant flower, right?"

Ivy laughed at Harley's weirdness… or was it cuteness? They tended to go hand and hand as far as the blond was concerned. After gently stroking the blond's face one more time, she started looking around for her clothes. "I suppose I need to get dressed."

Harley was still wearing her uniform. She reached down and picked up Red's clothing. She handed Ivy her shirt and pants, while she buttoned her own shirt back up.

"Isley!" She recognized that voice as Taylor's.

Ivy snapped in annoyance. "You can stop interrupting now! We're on our way out." Couldn't they see this was private time? Fools, all of them!

They both straightened themselves out and Harley moved to open the door. Just as she was about to grip the door knob Ivy stopped her and pulled her in for a searing kiss. She wasn't sure when the next time would be. Harley moaned into the kiss as she returned it. Ivy backed her against the door.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

 

" _Oh, Red…"_

Gadlow rolled her eyes as she heard Harley's muffled voice on the other side of the door. She'd thought they'd be finished by now. In the meantime she'd sent one of the guards to get a drill for the door. It clearly wasn't worth waiting for them to come out since they were planning on taking their own sweet time. Leslie had better things to do than listen to this, and never mind that the guard must have been asleep to not see Quinn sneak into the closet. There would be several dismissals for this; she would make sure of it.

The guard held the power tool up almost in triumph and moved to the door, Gadlow nodded and he quickly drilled out the lock and moved away. Then another guard yanked the door open, causing a startled Ivy and Harley to come tumbling out into the hallway. They were a hot mess as their hair was quite wild and their clothes were impossibly wrinkled. Ivy's shirt was hanging open from where Harley had torn the buttons off.

Ivy licked her green lips as she noticed their audience. She purred, "That was hardly necessary."

Harley was staring at Leslie upside-down from her position on the floor. She was on her back. "Whatsup, Doc?" The blond chirped happily. She was beaming like a person that had just had great sex.

Taylor yanked Ivy up, pulling them apart, and a security guard grabbed Harley.

"Mr. Taylor, escort them to the showers to get cleaned up."

"Yes, Doctor."

Harley beamed and said suggestively to Ivy, "Oooh! We get to take a showah now…"

" **Separate**  showers." Gadlow clarified. She tried to be angry, but honestly she was just relieved that Harley hadn't tried to release the Joker and that Pamela wasn't trying to commit suicide or something equally gruesome. Perhaps they were good for each other even if they were irritating.

"Aw." The blond pouted.

"I think you're all overreacting." Ivy explained nonchalantly, "If this facility was set up properly for conjugal visits then we wouldn't have to resort to this."

Gadlow replied, "You don't  _get_  conjugal visits, Pamela."

She batted her eyes at the brunette as they walked, "Are you sure, Leslie? When I heard you banging on the door I thought you might like to join us."

The redhead could hear Harley snickering. Gadlow blushed in embarrassment. "Be quiet, Pamela." She rubbed her throbbing temples, "Just… be quiet."

"There's no need to be jealous, Leslie. I am quite beautiful as-"

"I am  _well aware_. Yes. Thank you, Pamela, for being so thoughtful regarding this matter." Gadlow said sarcastically.

Two-Face was buckled over in stitches as they cut through the rogue cell block on their way towards the showers, "I think I speak for all of us when I say that in the interest of everyone's mental health, you really should keep those two in the same cell from now on."

Gadlow ignored him.

"Put 'em in the same cell!" Another inmate yelled.

' _Same cell!'_

Then it quickly devolved into chanting as they headed down the halls.

' _Same cell!'_

Ivy glanced over at Gadlow. "They're right you know. Situations like this could be avoided entirely if you'd just let us stay in the same cell."

"If you say one more word, you will never leave  _your_  cell again, Ms. Isley." Gadlow said it calmly, but Ivy could tell she was pissed because she used her last name.

"It's not her fault, ya know. The guards did lemme escape." Harley offered. The sad truth was that Harley was right. It was the guard's failure to supervise them that resulted in this latest incident.

' _Same cell!'_

Ignoring Harley's remarks she addressed Taylor, "Take them back to their cells once they get cleaned up. And make sure they get new uniforms."

"Yes, Doctor."

' _Same! Cell!'_

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

 

Word had spread quickly about Harley and Ivy's erotic escapades, though the story did seem to change a little each time. Some rumors had them placed in the kitchen and the cafeteria, others in the laundry, or during group therapy, but one thing was certain: it eventually got back to the Joker.


	11. Chapter 11: The Laughably Great Escape

 

It was just before lights-out and some of the inmates were already sleeping or settling in for the night, or in the case of the few involved in Ivy's escape plan: pretending. "So this is the infamous Sector Seven." Taylor was in the process of leading Arkham's newest hire on a tour of the facility. It was probably his first shift. "This is the wing where we keep the freakiest patients and high profile rogues. You need  _special_  certification to deal with lunatics of their caliber. I'm in charge of this wing," Taylor said with a hint of pride.

The new orderly didn't look any older than twenty five to Ivy; and the mildly terrified look on his face made him seem even younger. He was also huge and hulking and looked like he had probably been a football player during his high school glory days. Now he was stuck working in the ass crack of the world where the pay rate was almost as high as the mortality rate. Ivy smirked; he probably wished he had gone to college like the nerds.

The experienced orderly continued, "Now since you're new, it's unlikely that you would have to deal with any of these nutjobs during your first year. And if you did, it would only be in a group."

"Can't say I'm disappointed about that." The man chuckled in an attempt to relieve his own tension.

"Yea, well it's important for you to remember that these people are already criminally insane, and then combine that with some weird abilities."

"I didn't realize there were so many with abilities."

Taylor laughed, "Didn't you know? Arkham is just one big circus! And over here on this side is the freak show." He playfully gestured to the cells, "Here we have the crocodile man, Killer Croc, and there's Mr. Freeze the ice man. And here's Clayface- this guy is our very own contortionist!" Clayface glared menacingly. "And this ugly motherfucker is Two-Face- or as I like to refer to him: 'Phantom of the Asylum."

"Fuck off." Two-Face grumped.

"Watch your mouth, freak." He moved about the corridor dramatically. Taylor always thought he was hot stuff when they were locked up, but just wait until they got out. He would be the first one to hide in a panic room. "And here we have our very own 'Vixen of the Vines for those who are interested in a more titillating experience. She's beautiful isn't she, kid?"

He gulped nervously; he might have been new, but he really didn't want to antagonize these lunatics on a personal level. "Yes."

"And she'll kill you without a second thought. This one you gotta watch out for. She's easily one of the worst ones in here. Don't let size fool you. She has mood swings that would put the rest of these wackos to shame. One minute she's Miss Prim an' Proper, the next minute she's trying to gouge out your eye with a fork."

The look Ivy was giving the new recruit made his hair stand up on his neck.

"And last, but not least! We even have our very own clown! What kind of circus doesn't have a clown? In there is Harley Quinn." The blond crossed her arms and pouted as she sat on her cot.

"I didn't realize she was a Code Seven."

"She isn't."

"Then why is she here?"

"Because," he lowered his voice and gestured to Ivy, "She keeps that one from going berserk."

"When Ivy first arrived here she'd shriek and bang on the walls for days on end. She's immune to most sedatives we got on hand so it was drivin' everyone crazy. A shrink recommended we stick Harley nearby. She asked her to be quiet and she settled down immediately. Crazy bitch." He rolled his eyes.

"Isn't Joker a Code Seven?"

"Ha! He was at first, but that motherfucker is so crazy we just keep him locked up with the other serials over in old Arkham. He doesn't have 'powers' and he has no out-of-cell privileges so we just stuck him over there. We also have to keep him away from over half of these people- doctor's orders. They make each other too angry."

"I see."

"But on a more serious note, when you're on duty no matter what happens in the facility you don't ever under any circumstances open Clayface's door. It doesn't matter if he's on fire. You just let him burn."

The young man blanched, "Even if there's a  _fire_?"

"Yep. It's happened before. Clayface started screaming and the guards on duty opened his door. He knocked them out real quick. Then he went on to snuff out the fire with his own body. It takes more than a little fire to kill ole' Clayface."

He gulped and nodded. "Now let's examine this exhibit again. Pamela Isley- mostly known as Poison Ivy. This is another one that you never  _ever_  want to deal with on your own. She can secrete toxins through her pores- we have no way of knowing just how many variations she can produce. She uses a mind altering pheromone the most frequently. Normally she'd have to administer it to your lips; she usually does this with a kiss. Although lately she's taken to spitting like a damn cobra." He growled in annoyance as she smirked at him. "But the scary thing is that she can get you if you just spend enough time in close proximity to her. She convinced one of her shrinks that he was in love with her. She had him walk her out of the building and drive her across town. We try to have female staff deal with her whenever possible. If you ever start to feel attracted to her or you feel compelled to do little things for her, then you are to report to the infirmary immediately for detox. You understand?"

He moved over to another cell after the younger man nodded, "This is Victor Fries. This fool ain't worth shit without his special suit and weapons. Just another nutjob, only colder than usual. He has special needs so he rarely leaves this cell; it's specially refrigerated for him."

The young man whispered quietly, his curiosity getting the better of him. "So why is he here?"

Taylor waved his arm dismissively at the cell as he turned to walk away. "His wifes' dead and he can't get over it."

"She's  _not_ dead!" Victor snapped angrily.

"She's in a block of ice you idiot. She's  _incredibly_  dead."

He guffawed as Victor Fries trembled with barely restrained rage. Taylor finally got tired of basking in his own wit and moved down the hall with his new protégé. After 'educating' the noob about several other inmates they eventually moved further down the hall and out of earshot.

 _Finally_!

Ivy thought he was going to piddle around their block all night. So far everything had gone exactly as planned. Everything was ready to go. Now it was just a waiting game. There were others involved in their escape, but not all of the rogues were. A few of them were aware even though they played no direct role themselves. They were usually brought into the fold because they found out by accident. There were also a few that could tell something was up. The tension was palpable, like the calm just before a storm.

Step one: _Cause a distraction._

This distraction was not supposed to be occurring on the same floor they were on. This was Scarecrow's job and he was two levels above. They needed staff to be concentrated upstairs. Being so wonderful, Harley had managed to purloin quite a cocktail of pharmaceuticals during her most recent stint in the medical wing. Some of those drugs Ivy had passed to Scarecrow via Nygma, whose cell was nearby. Scarecrow was supposed to inject himself with one of the syringes he'd been given; it would send him into a fit, but would wear off quickly.

Ivy studied the guards until there was a sudden burst of activity, followed by Taylor making a hasty beeline towards the elevators. And so it begins. Ivy stood up and glanced at Harley. She was standing near the glass watching the two remaining guards anxiously. Then just as they'd planned, the guards left. They had both been bribed previously by Two-Face.

Ivy's heart pounded as she was nearly overcome by an adrenaline rush. This was it! That took them to:

Step Two: _Release the flying monkeys_

And, yes, Harley had picked the names. The Ventriloquist had managed to come through by finding seeds in the yard and Ivy had managed to distribute them accordingly during the lunch hour and her mopping tours. Others received their seeds in library books that Nygma brought them. There was hardly anything exotic in the yard- nothing for Ivy to get excited about. It wouldn't be leveling the entire facility anytime soon, but it was just enough for her to work with after treating the seeds with her own blood. Ivy's room was the only one that the guards searched regularly. They checked the hinges on her door daily for seeds, but they didn't check the  _others'_  hinges.

Their mistake.

Ivy's eyes flashed green as she urged her seeds to grow, not just on their level but all throughout the facility. Key doors on key inmates' cells were being popped off the hinges. Harley jumped back from the glass when she saw a green sponge-like growth rising from the hinges of her own door. There were several loud cracking noises as the hinges broke, one by one. One solid shove and the door tumbled out into the hallway. Unfortunately, that set the alarms screeching, of course.

Two-Face was out next, as well as Clayface and Killer Croc. Clayface knew about the plan, but Croc had been left out of the loop; he was just fodder for the guard's bullets. They always targeted the biggest most aggressive things first. The fact that he was absolutely hideous also made him more shootable. He immediately went berserk and charged down the main hallway as he unwittingly played his role perfectly. Bane was another unwitting player, but his cell was on the same floor as Scarecrow and Riddler and he would hopefully provide them with a similar distraction on their level.

Clayface's big hand morphed into the form of a hammer and then he marched over to Ivy's door and bashed it in. Ivy stepped out and glanced around, "Thanks, Basil."

"Ha." His big goopy mouth chuckled. He looked like a large mud creature. "Consider us even for letting me out."

Then he shifted into the unassuming form of a nurse and took off down the main hall in the wake of Croc's destruction. All the other inmates were awake and realized what was going on by now. Some of them begged and pleaded, 'Please don't leave me. Let us out!' The trio ignored them as they made their way down another hall. The blaring alarms would now make their block a priority for security, which would in turn give Edward and Scarecrow their opportunity to get out.

Step Three:  _Take out the Lollipop Kids._

It was easy. There were already fewer guards than usual; the bribable ones had already cleared out. It was just a matter of taking the three in the security booth. They had been completely unprepared and were rendered unconscious quickly.

Step Four:  _Get the ruby slippers._

Two-Face and Harley rifled through the guard's weapon arsenal, while Ivy sat down at the security panel. She knew there was a way to lock down a particular block, and there was also a way to open all the doors on a block simultaneously. If those incompetents could work this console then she certainly could. After tinkering with a few keys she managed to find the option to open all the doors in just Sector Seven, but now the console was demanding a password.

Ivy growled and slammed her fists against the console, "Damn it! It wants a password!"

"Try 1-2-3-4!" Harley volunteered.

Two-Face scoffed at the suggestion, "Even they aren't that stupid!"

Ivy rolled her eyes as she typed it in and hit enter. A feminine computer voice responded.

_[Access Granted.]_

"I stand corrected." Two-Face shook his head.

"Harley, you're a genius!" Ivy clapped her hands together excitedly. The blond beamed at the praise. Now the real fun would begin.

Ivy watched one of the black and white security feeds as Victor Fries poked his head out of his cell in surprise. The other inmates were out and were running in all different directions.  _Excellent_ , the chaos would take the focus off of them.

"Did you find a headset?" Ivy said absently to the others as she monitored the numerous security feeds. If everything was going smoothly then Nygma and Crane should be in control of another security booth on a different floor.

"Yep!" Harley chirped. "Hi, Eddie!" She said into the speaker. Then there was a pause and she rolled her eyes and corrected herself, "I mean, 'the wizard'" Ivy could tell by the pauses that Edward was obsessing over the Wizard of Oz thing. God, get a life. It's not like security wouldn't recognize his voice later.

Harley grabbed a glock and a revolver and tucked them into her pants. "He says they're on their way to get  _Glinda_."

Two-Face pocketed a revolver and cocked a combat shotgun, "Good. Tell him we're heading to the garage."

"Yea, Wiz, we're on our way to the Rainbow so we'll catch ya later."

Security wasn't the only potential threat anymore, now they might have to deal with something far worse: their own peers, and never mind that it was only a matter of time before caped crusaders would show up to ruin their party. Time was of the essence.

Wielding a shotgun, Two-Face took point, with Harley and her two handguns covering their rear flank. This part of the facility was relatively empty because it was farther away from Sector Seven and heading in the opposite direction of Arkham's main entrance. Most inmates wouldn't know about this area. Ivy had become intimately familiar with much of Arkham's layout during her janitorial escapades. They exited the booth cautiously and made their way towards the lower level where the security garage was. On their way they passed a hallway leading to another cell block.

Ivy hung back, "You two go ahead. There's one more thing I need to do before we go. I'll just be a minute."

"But Red!" Harley was startled.

"Go with him, Harley. I'll catch up."

Ivy jogged down the corridor, bringing herself to:

(The secret step!)Step Four and a Half:  _Kill Toto slowly and painfully_

The Joker had been hearing the alarms, but he wasn't sure who was escaping. They went off with the frequency of lunch bells at Arkham. When he saw a familiar green figure come jogging up to his cell he nearly squeaked in surprise. She had been starring in most of his dismemberment fantasies as of late, almost as many as Batman. He laughed maniacally, "Oh, Pammy! How nice of you to drop by! I don't get many visitors you know. How is Harley girl? Has she been good?" He glared and grinned at the same time. It was creepy.

"Harley is no longer your concern." Ivy tossed a few seeds at the base of the glass near his cell. He instinctively took a step back. Ivy's eye's flashed green and vines rapidly grew over the glass of his cell, covering it completely. Ivy figured he had several hours of oxygen. He probably wouldn't die, but she  _hoped_  that he would. Now she could leave knowing that he wouldn't be following any time soon. She'd kill him outright, but that might end up being lengthy and it wasn't worth ruining their escape plans over.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

 

When Ivy arrived at the garage, Two-Face was in the process of hotwiring one of the black Arkham patrol vans that usually carried security teams. They selected this garage because it was rarely used and had no guards. Harley had found the controls to the large door; Ivy headed over to her as it slowly opened.

Noticing Ivy's arrival, Harley ran over and pulled her into a crushing hug. "Red! You worried me to death! Don't do that again."

Two-Face shouted in triumph as the engine roared to life, "Yea, baby! We're ready to roll."

"I won't, Harl, everything has been taken care of." Ivy returned the hug.

_[Wooooooooooooooooooonk!]_

The van's horn blared impatiently, as Harvey poked his head out of the driver's side window. "You comin' or what? I was under the impression you didn't like living in a giant fish bowl, Pammy. The hell if I'm gonna get caught because you needed to suck on your girlfriend's face."

"Alright! We're coming!" Ivy snapped as she blushed.

"I'll bet you are." Two-Face said lewdly.

She offered him a solid glare as she opened the door and climbed into the passenger's seat. Harley slid open the side door and reluctantly sat down in the back area of the spacious security vehicle.

Ivy noticed her change in demeanor, "What's the matter, Harl?"

She pouted and crossed her arms. "You told me I'd be the getaway driver."

She could hear Harvey snickering. Ivy looked thoughtful for a moment. "You're remarkably good at return fire. Why don't you ride shotgun?"

She beamed, "Okeydokey!"

Sometimes people just needed encouragement.

The van was very spacious so Ivy was able to climb into the back easily and Harley traded places with her. "It's on Riddler now." Ivy said.

Two-Face shrugged noncommittally, "Maybe, maybe not. Even if we leave him we might still get away with this van. He needs us a hell of a lot more than we need him right now."

He was right, but Ivy didn't say anything. Normally she'd have no qualms about leaving Riddler behind and would have actually preferred it, but considering how instrumental he was in their escape there was a part of her that had the nerve to feel guilty for entertaining the thought. Ivy grabbed her chest. What was  _happening_  to her? It was almost as if she… Her eyes widened. She had a conscience now! There was no other way to describe it.  _Damn it_. She blamed Harley for this.

Now they found themselves at Step Five:  _Get Glinda._

There were, of course, other steps like: get the hell out of Arkham and maybe snag a few other rogues along the way, but these were  _optional_  steps. Glinda was the difference between escaping successfully and getting nabbed by the Rodent. She was the secret weapon.

They had driven beyond the garage and were heading down a two-lane road that circled around the facility and would eventually lead to the main highway. Ivy took a moment to turn her green flesh to a normal tone; she would stand out less on the outside.

' _Psst! Hey!'_

Harley nearly leapt out her seat when she heard the loud whisper. She pulled out the headset, "Hellow? Yea, we got it; we're comin' around now." Harley turned in her seat and handed the mic to Ivy. "He wants to talk to you, Red."

Ivy sighed, "Edward." She said testily, "Yes, we're… 'following the yellow brick road'." She rolled her eyes. She hated these silly games. It only fed his disorder. Nygma wasn't a complete fool though. He was getting paranoid. He suspected they might double cross him.

Sure enough, Edward was waving his arms at their van as he barely dodged a security guard's cattle prod. It was chaos on this side of the facility as dozens of prisoners darted all over the place as they made a mad dash for freedom. Two-Face made no attempt to slow down, however. Harley noticed what he was doing and went ballistic.

"We can't leave Eddie behind!" She shrieked in her high-pitched voice. "Stop! Stop!"

"Pammy, shut your girlfriend up we're trying to think here!" Two-Face snapped angrily as he tried to avoid various inmates and security guards while they raced around the perimeter of the facility.

"Stop! Stop! We have to get Eddie!" Harley shrieked repeatedly. It was grating like fingernails on a chalkboard.

Everyone jerked forward as Two-Face slammed the breaks, "Okay! Okay! We're stopping! We're stopping! Just... shut the hell up!" Two-Face conversed with his other personality under his breath. "No wonder the Joker's crazy! Yea, I'd be nuts to if I had to listen that airhead all the time. Oh my god, can you imagine? I can't imagine!"

Ivy had the side door open as soon as they stopped, and soon after she found herself lying on the floor of the van. "Quick, drive!" Harley yelled. Harvey hit the gas as they peeled away, continuing down the road.

"There is a small man in my lap!" Ivy announced in outrage.

"Ride sharing is good for the environment, Pammy." Two-Face suggested, keeping her from flying off the handle when Edward Nygma practically dove into her lap while trying to evade security. Not only had they been able to escape, but they'd even had enough time to form a carpool.

"Please, don't hurt me." Riddler threw his hands up apologetically as he moved further into the vehicle and took a seat.

"Where's Crane?" Two-Face asked as he drove around various obstacles and escapees.

Nygma was dusting off his brown Arkham uniform as he spoke, "We got separated in the chaos. He was acting kinda funny."

Harley turned in her seat to look at Ivy, "Hey, what about Wesker? Is he comin'?"

"Fuck Wesker!" Ivy and Two-face blurted in unison.

"That little shrimp dick…" Two-Face grumbled.

They continued down the road and after several minutes they saw Crane, and speak of the devil, Wesker.

"Come on Professor Crane!" Harley sang happily as she leaned out the window and beckoned to Scarecrow. He pranced up to the van and climbed in with the Ventriloquist following behind.

"Hello, Dorothy." He said chummily, "Getting the hell out of Oz, are we?"

"You know it!"

"Ah, I see the Wicked Witch is leaving too." Ivy rolled her eyes. "And of course, we have the Wizard." He nodded to Nygma.

"Scarecrow."

"Ha! And we even have the Cowardly Lion." He smiled at Wesker who was now cowering in the corner, no doubt pining for his ridiculous puppet. It was obvious Crane hadn't even noticed the man following him like a shadow.

"No Tin Man?"

Two-Face scoffed, "Freeze can bust his own ass out. Not like he ever sticks his neck out for anyone but his popsicle girl. Besides, getting him into that damn suit is a hassle not to mention the fact that he might decide to ice us all on a whim. This is  _not_  an equal opportunity escape, damn it."

"Hey look. If it isn't Hugo Strange." Two-Face announced as he saw the man jogging down the road ahead.

Edward rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, "He's such a pompous asshole."

"Ew, I don't  _like_  him. He gives me the willies." Harley rolled her eyes. Apparently she wasn't the only former psychiatrist that had ended up going bat-shit crazy.  _Literally._

Two-Face said sarcastically. "I can't flip my coin since they confiscated it. Gee, what should we do about it?"

"Hit the gas." Ivy grinned evilly.

"Gah!" There was a yelp as he flew over the windshield.

"Wheeee!" Harley sang and clapped.

Two-Face slowed down as someone else caught his eye. "Oh wait, I gotta detour for this mother…" Harvey swerved off the road and chased an inmate in a circle on the nearby lawn. He laughed and shouted out the driver's side window. "Ha! Take that Calender-freak!" He did a mocking impression of him, "Thirty days past September, April, June, and-"

There was a loud thump as they ran him over.

Harvey shook his head as he muttered under his breath, "Killing people on holidays! Even we have standards you sick son of a bitch." He pulled the vehicle back onto the road and resumed driving.

He pointed out to the nearby field. "Hahahah! If it isn't our good friend Mr. Taylor!" They all grinned as they drove past the orderly; his lower half was frozen in a block of ice. No doubt, at the courtesy of Mr. Freeze. "I guess something is gonna shrink up…" Security guards were trying to break him out of the ice with the butts of their assault rifles, but they were also tasked with defending themselves from the lunatics running all over the place. It was utter chaos as inmates poured out of the facility and darted in random directions across the vast lawn with the alarms blaring in the distance.

"Stop, Harvey!" He slammed the breaks immediately.

Ivy opened the door again. Harvey laughed as he honked the horn playfully, "Welcome to Arkham Asylum's complimentary shuttle service. At Arkham we treat our patients  _right!_ "

Scarecrow chuckled and clapped his hands excitedly. His eyes were huge and dilated. "And now we have Glinda! Isn't it wonderful, Aunty Em?!"

"Hi Zatanna!" Harley chirped. Ivy released a breath she'd been holding. They could finally get this show on the road.

"Wow." The raven-haired woman's jaw dropped open slightly. She glanced around in awe as she sat down on the bench beside Ivy. "When I heard there'd be a carpool I thought Edward was joking…" Zatanna was difficult for them to contain because of her magic abilities. So they had to keep her heavily doped, but thanks to Harley's pilfered meds she was able to take a counter agent. She was still exhausted, but with a little rest she would be able to cast spells again.

Two-Face glanced at the blond and asked, "Is he still talking about the Wizard of Oz? He does realize he can stop doing that, right?"

Harley explained, "It's just a side effect of the meds I gave him. He probably won't remember most of this."

"Ah. Cause if he calls me Aunty Em one more time I might have to bust his head open."

Zatanna leaned over and sniffed Ivy. "Ivy, you smell like a bouquet of flowers."

"At least one of us does." Ivy directed a glare towards Wesker.

"Ew..." Harley said.

"What's that smell?" Edward asked.

"Well some of us weren't allowed in the showers this week." Wesker justified.

Harley rolled her eyes, "Ugh. Ivy grow us some Potpourri or maybe cut one or somethin'."

Ivy's eyes glowed green and the car was filled with a fresh citrus smell."

Two-Face asked, "Hey, can you do 'new car smell'?"

"Shut up." Ivy made a mental note that they were finally turning onto the main road that led to Arkham. This two-lane road would eventually take them to the main highway and Gotham.

Feeling pretty good about their escape, Harley started mashing buttons on the radio.

"Hey, I'm listening to security communications," Two-Face was in the process of protesting when he was interrupted by Cindy Lauper's voice blaring out the speakers.

Harley, of course, had to sing along. "Girls just wanna have fun! That's all we really waaaaaaaaant!"

"Pammy. We respect you," Harvey referred to his personalities, "But if she doesn't shut up, we'll have to kill her."

Ivy snapped at the blond, but Harley was so loud she didn't hear her. "Harley, please turn the radio off!"

"Girls just wanna have fun! We just wanna, we just wannaaaAAAAAAAh…"

Zatanna said quietly to Ivy, "Um, she does realize this is a prison break and not a trip to Six Flags, right?"

Thankfully, the song ended on its own. Two-Face slammed his fist into the radio. It would probably never turn on again.

"This is really great, guys!" Harley chirped, oblivious to everyone's irritation. "We should celebrate our escape! Party at Pengy's! C'mon let's go!"

"I'm glad you're enjoying this, sweetheart." Scarecrow chuckled. Red and blue lights began flashing behind them as a voice boomed over a loud speaker.

_[Stop the vehicle!]_

"Harley, this isn't a party." Ivy chastised. "And I'm sure Oswald would be mortified if we showed up at the Iceberg Lounge in our Arkham attire." There were several plinking sounds as a few bullets ricocheted off their armored security van.

_[Pull over and stop the vehicle!]_

"We could make it a themed party!" Harley said excitedly as she leaned out the window and returned fire until the security vehicle chasing them swerved off the road and flipped.

"Well at least we'll make it easy for  _him_  to bust us all at the same time." The Ventriloquist whined.

Two-Face spoke up, "The same time? We were going toss you at him, Wesker. That'll slow him down."

"Yea, for two seconds maybe," Edward muttered.

Twenty tense minutes passed in silence as they now sped down the vacant two-lane highway. They could taste their freedom. It was so close and yet so far away. They were away from Arkham, but they all knew how quickly that could change. There was nothing to see outside the vehicle except for the dark silhouettes of trees moving past. As soon as everyone began to feel more and more safe, they suddenly heard a sound on the roof.

_*BaDump!*_

Harley quailed hysterically and tugged on her pigtails in dismay, "Oh, no! It's B-Man on the roof! He's gonna get us!"

This naturally sent everyone spiraling into a panic. Two-Face blurted, "What? Where?"

Zatanna shushed them and said, "You hear that?"

They all answered in unison, except Harley who was too disappointed. "Hear what?"

"What are you talking about!?" Edward hissed nervously. "I don't' hear anything."

"Oh, no! I knew this was a bad idea! I knew this was going to end badly," Wesker worried himself in the corner.

Scarecrow was just grinning away, completely oblivious to everyone's distress.  _Definitely_  the meds.

The others started to glare at Ivy. She would get the blame if this went bad even if it wasn't her fault and the escape had gone off without a hitch so far. "What? He was bound to show up at  _some_  point!" She crossed her arms, "Besides, everyone knows that Batman is in love with me."

The banging happened again. "Are you sure it's Batman?" Two-Face asked. "He isn't exactly known to knock."

"Harvey, hit the brakes," Ivy commanded.

He slammed them and everyone jolted forward slightly. "Gah!" A voice shouted as someone rolled off the roof of the van and onto the road in front of them.

Two-Face smirked, "Oh, never mind! It's just Hugo Strange."

They all took a collective sigh of relief.

Two-Face continued, "Ha! He was hanging onto the roof." Hugo Strange ambled towards the van with his arms outstretched.

"Finish him?" Ivy glanced around for consensus.

Two-Face chuckled, "Nah, if the old bird can survive that we might as well give him a ride."

They opened the door and Two-Face said, "Hey man, no hard feelings. Here, have a diet coke." Reaching into a cup holder on the driver's side door, he tossed him an unopened can of warm soda.

He was quite frazzled and battered. Hugo failed to notice the coke and it bounced off his arm and rolled across the floor the van. He had leaves and twigs stuck to his body. Sitting down stiffly, he said slowly, "I'm not sure… what happened..."

There was an awkward silence as no one bothered to fill him in. The ride into mainstream Gotham was relatively uneventful save for a few dozen patrol cars shooting past in the opposite direction, no doubt heading to Arkham to help clean up the mess.

"Hey this was great. We could all team up to take down the Bat!" Scarecrow declared from out of nowhere.

Ivy grumbled, "Someone's feeling an inflated sense of confidence."

"We just got  _out_  of Arkham. Not really in the mood to go back." Edward patted him on the shoulder sympathetically.

"Glinda?"

"Perhaps another time…"

"Dorothy?"

Ivy said seductively, "Harley and I are going to be  _busy_."

"Can we go to the carnival?" Harley asked Ivy innocently.

"This  _is_  a carnival."

"Red…"

"Maybe. I'll  _think_  about it."

Harley crossed her arms. That usually meant no.

"Crap, I see the Batmobile!" Two-Face cursed as he recognized the distinctive car in the rear view mirror. Sure enough, it came blazing past.

Harley turned in her seat to look at the raven-haired magician. "Zee?"

Zatanna mustered her strength and prepared to cast a spell, "Here we go!  _Torpelet ot thfif teerts yella!"_

And just like that, the entire van vanished and reappeared in a hidden alley miles from the Bat.


	12. Chapter 12: Free at Last

 

 

_Spring - May_

It had been a long night, but they had made it. After having Harley hot-wire a Chevy Volt (Ivy preferred environmentally friendly vehicles), and parting ways with the others, they stopped by one of Joker's old hideouts so that Harley could grab more of her things on the way to Ivy's place. The redhead flicked on the lights to her hideout and sighed with relief.

_Home sweet home._

"I'm gonna take a shower, Red." Harley said sleepily. It was sometime in the wee hours. The plant hybrid's internal chronometer told her it was around 4am. Ivy nodded and went about checking on her babies. It had been too long since she had been able to revel in the company of her plants. Most of them were still alive in varying stages of health, but a few of the more sensitive exotic ones had, to her dismay, passed on to the Green. She would have to mourn their loss later as the night's activities had taken a toll on her energy levels.

Once Harley was done showering, Ivy had her turn scrubbing away the stench of Arkham. She allowed her flesh to return to its green hue as she enjoyed the water. Once she was out, she grew her leafy lingerie into place and scowled at the hideous rumpled Arkham uniform on the floor. She would burn it tomorrow. When she entered her bedroom, the lights were off and she could tell that Harley was already sleeping like the dead. Climbing in quietly behind the blond, she snuggled up to her and promptly nodded off herself.

When Ivy opened her eyes she could tell that it was early in the morning. Pamela's plant constitution preferred to rise with nature's cycles, but Harley was snuggled up to her and it felt delightful so she decided to lay there and enjoy it as she watched the blond sleep peacefully. Ivy did this often over the years on those mornings when she was fortunate enough to share her bed (platonically) with Harley. Ivy just laid there and made a mental list of things she would need to do for her plants until she heard Harley whimpering quietly.

Ivy ran her fingers through blond tresses; Harley had taken her hair out of their usual pigtails before going to bed. The blond whimpered more loudly.

"Shh. It's alright. You're safe now." Ivy whispered soothingly. The blond quieted back down, but continued to sleep fretfully. After another half hour she finally startled them both by letting out a loud yelp, waking herself up in the process. "Bad dream?"

The blond glanced around warily before relaxing, "I guess I forgot where I was." She punctuated her statement by yawning.

"Hungry?"

"Always."

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

 

Most of the food was either spoiled or expired from Ivy's five month stint in Arkham. Thankfully, her babies had been able to provide a nice assortment of ripe fruit. So fruit salad it was, until she could send Harley to the store anyway.

"I'm sorry I woke you up, Red." Harley spoke quietly as she peered over the redhead's shoulder. Ivy was slicing up an apple.

"Oh, I'm usually not asleep by the time you wake up, Harl. I had been awake for some time actually."

"So you mean all that time you spent in bed with me you were just pretendin' to be asleep?"

Her eyes widened briefly as she turned towards the blond. This was awkward. "Well... You were already sleeping soundly and I didn't want to wake you up by moving you off of me because you needed the rest more than I did... And it's not like I had anything else to do at the time," Ivy sighed as she started feeling pathetic. She tried to sound irritable as she chastised the blond. "You're very sensitive to the cold, Harley. I didn't want you to catch something." Blushing furiously, Ivy turned away and busied herself over the chopping board.

She found embarrassed Ivy to be very endearing. It awed her how confident she was with her sexuality when it came to everyone else. But Harley somehow had the ability to make her blush and stammer like a thirteen year old with a crush. Harley was touched. The blond hugged her from behind and whispered in her ear. "Well aren't you thoughtful." She kissed her green cheek.

The redhead sighed contentedly, "You should probably turn the news on. I'm sure we're all over it."

Taking her advice Harley grabbed the remote and surfed until she found the national news.

"I found it, Red!" The blond chirped excitedly as she plopped down on the couch and turned up the volume. Vicky Vale's professional voice filled the room.

" _Breaking News update. Last night, we reported on a riot and mass escape attempt from Gotham City's Arkham Asylum; however, it was not clear at the time which criminals, if any, had successfully escaped from the infamous maximum security prison for the insane. The vast majority of escapees were recaptured before they made it off of the property; Batman and other caped crime fighters were undoubtedly very helpful in this regard. But unfortunately, there were some very high profile criminals that were able to slip away before police backup arrived. It is believed that they worked together to escape, which is a terrifying thought in itself. Here is the list as follows."_

They showed a mug shot of each criminal,  _"Former district attorney Harvey Dent, also known as Two-Face, Jonathan Crane 'The Scarecrow', Harley Quinn-"_

Harley bubbled excitedly, "I'm on TV!"

"Shhh!"

"They always pick my worst picture!" The blond grumbled.

"Harl…" Ivy warned in annoyance.

"… _working along with famed eco-terrorist, Pamela Isley, often referred to as "Poison Ivy' who is believed to have masterminded the entire escape attempt, Edward Nygma, also known as the Riddler, Basil 'Clayface' Carlo, Killer Croc, and Victor Fries are also still unaccounted for. All of these criminals are considered armed and dangerous and should never be approached. If sighted, the public is encouraged to contact the Gotham City Police Department immediately at this number: 1-309434-25307197585. More information and updates can be found on the GCPD website and twitter page #gotta_catch'em_all."_

" _The public will be relieved to know that former psychiatrist and criminal mastermind, Hugo Strange, was recaptured after he was found wandering near an empty parking lot in a fugue state. He had severe injuries indicative of some sort of car accident and was unable recall any event prior to his arrival at said location. Arnold Wesker, known as the 'Ventriloquist' was also recaptured by police this morning when he was spotted outside a Toys-R-Us warehouse while trying to acquire another puppet…"_

Ivy burst out laughing. "I knew he'd get caught! Pathetic fool!"

She handed Harley a bowl of fruit salad as she joined her on the couch.

"Hey! Waitaminute!"

"Hmmm?" Ivy murmured with a mouthful of food.

"Who was missing from that list?" The blond crinkled her brow as she munched on a grape. Her eyes narrowed at the TV suspiciously.

The redhead thought for a moment, and then her eyes widened, "Zatanna."

"How the hell did she do it, do ya think?"

Ivy shrugged noncommittally, "She probably just mind-wiped the relevant staff once she was feeling better. They won't remember she was ever there. She's tricky like that."

"Why was she even in there anyway? I thought she was a goodie goodie." The blond pouted.

Ivy grumbled, "I don't know about 'goodie goodie'. She always reminded me of Selina. Only disgustingly overpowered..."

"If I had magic powers I'd make pies fly into people's faces!" Harley chirped.

"She also dresses like a slut." Ivy muttered. She had a tendency to feel threatened by  _other_  beautiful women, though Ivy never possessed enough self-awareness to realize why she felt that way.

Harley spared a glance at Ivy's nearly naked self and giggled. Red could be so oblivious when it came to her own shortcomings. Though in all fairness, Ivy's exhibitionist tendencies were hardly a con.

Their ears perked up as they refocused on the news.

" _The Dow Jones and Nasdaq lost a whopping two hundred points at the news of Arkham's prison break as investors are feeling less confident in dealing with Gotham based companies that lack environmentally friendly initiatives. On a more positive note, plant nurseries and costume manufacturers have noticed dramatic increases in their share value and the news of Joker's inability to escape kept the market from plummeting further."_

Harley let out a guffaw, "Damn, Red! We broke the economy!"

Ivy smirked. She wasn't interested in the economy. She was interested in Harley at the moment. The blond was finishing up her food when she noticed Ivy staring at her. She grinned mischievously, "Whatcha lookin' at me for?"

"Oh, I think you know…" Ivy purred and Harley blushed prettily.

"Well maybe you should be doing more than looking…"

The TV had all but been forgotten.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

 

The next few weeks would be simple. They only consisted of three important elements: food, sex, and sleep. Ivy surmised that they both had to make up for lost time, in Arkham and even before. At some point Harley had been able to slip away long enough to make it to the grocery store, but for the most part they had just stayed in and enjoyed each other's company. Living arrangements had never been discussed. Ivy had an unspoken expectation that Harley would live with her, and the blond happily went along with that expectation.

"So Red, I was thinkin' that maybe I should get a new look or something…" Harley suggested from her seat on the couch, while Ivy watered one of her plants near the television.

"Why's that, Harl?"

"So I'd look more like your sidekick." Harley's identity was so tied into the person she was with and after the past week she was ready to change her colors to green and black and start calling herself Chloro-Phyllis or something, which actually managed to be worse than Harleen Quinzel. It sounded like some sort of STD.

"But I like you just the way you are." Ivy set her watering can on the coffee table and crossed her arms.

"Nonsense! I could die my hair green and…"

Ivy grimaced, "Harley, I don't want a sidekick. I want an equal."

"Well good luck with that!"

"Harl…"

"Fine." She pouted.

Moving to stand over the blond, she leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. "Good. Then it's settled."

Straightening up, Ivy turned to move away when Harley popped out of her seat and caught her by the arm. Ivy turned to face her.

"Well, ya know," Harley titled her head as she studied Ivy, "If this relationship is gonna work then there's gonna have to be some compromises."

Compromise? Argh! She had never considered that part of the relationship. Ivy raised an eyebrow as she crossed her arms and braced for impact. "Such as?"

Harley giggled and drew Ivy in close. Moving her arms up so that they rested around the redhead's shoulders, she leaned her forehead against her lover's and looked her in the eye. "I want us to do couply things togethah…"

A flash of green danced across the redhead's eyes as she gazed into Harley's bright blue eyes with extreme interest. "Couply things, hmmm?" She smiled seductively. Though in all fairness, most of Ivy's mannerisms could be described as seductive.

Red was being adorable so Harley leaned in and kissed her, but before she knew it they were on the couch and things were getting carried away. She stopped Ivy. "I'm sorry, but we can't."

" _Why_?" Ivy didn't bother hiding her annoyance. Ivy didn't bust out of prison only to be cock-blocked!

"Because, silly, we're going out today!" Harley giggled and poked her on the abdomen playfully, "And if I don't stop ya now then we'll nevah make it out the door."

"Harley?"

"Yeeeees?"

"Are you trying to use sexuality to get your way?"

"Yeeeees." Harley giggled, "Is it working?"

"Maybe." The redhead sighed. "But I don't see why we can't just have marvelous sex all day."

"I wanna go out sometimes! I mean plants are real great, Red. But I need sunshine too, ya know what I mean?"

Ivy nodded. "You're not a prisoner, Harl. You can come and go as you please… so long as you come back." The hybrid gave her a pointed look.

"I said  _we_ , Red. As in  _us_." She gestured to the two of them.

"I don't know. I was planning on studying the day cycle of my nightshade hybrids and the variances pertaining to…" She trailed off as her excuse sounded lame even to herself.

Harley could sense her lover's resistance. Ivy had never been a fan of change and she had been a recluse for so long. The blond drew her in and snuggled up to Ivy. She gave her a peck on the cheek.

"Red?"

Harley was holding her. It was difficult to concentrate. Ivy sighed. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well," She said shyly, "We can see the Batclan versus the Central City Speedsters?"

"Batclan?"

"Gotham's baseball team."

"How come the Rodent gets a baseball team named in his honor? What about us?"

"The football team is called the Rogues." Harley chuckled, "Where have you  _been_ , Red?"

"Here."

"Yea, well they're playin' the Metropolis Supers."

"I see."

"So then football?"

She answered curtly, "I dislike sports of all kind, Harley. Just pick one."

"Yay! I love you so much, Red!" Harley kissed Ivy excitedly and dashed up the stairs.

"Maybe this won't be so bad." Ivy went in the direction of her laundry room to grab some clean clothes.

When Harley came back downstairs Ivy almost fell over. "What are you  _wearing_?"

"Ta da!" She spun around to model. She was wearing a full face of white make-up with a black harlequin mask and a red and black jester hat. She was also wearing a Gotham City Rogues jersey- apparently the team colors were black, green, and purple. Harley's jersey was predominately black, with green and purple trim, but Harley had animatedly explained that sometimes the jerseys were purple. Harley was wearing black jeans and a pair of red converse to go with her ensemble.

Ivy was dressed conservatively in comparison. She had on a simple green turtle neck and a pair of blue jeans and sneakers. She had already used her powers to make her flesh a normal color and applied some red lipstick to cover her naturally green lips. "Harl…" Ivy laughed, "You are  _hilarious_."

"I know! And since we're seein' the Rogues no one will recognize us because everyone will be dressed up." Harley giggled.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

 

Ivy had paid little to no attention to the game itself. She had no idea what was happening and it was difficult to follow. It was as though they made the rules up as they went along. It figured it would be a  _man_  game- boring with ridiculous rules and objectives. Every time it would start to get interesting everyone would fall down or stop, and begin lining up again. And who could forget all the shoving? There was so much  _shoving._  It was like watching paint dry.

Harley, however, was prime time entertainment.

Ivy just watched her girlfriend during the game. Harley was so animated and excited. Every so often she'd get too loud and Ivy would urge her back down into her seat by grabbing her belt loop. Ivy laughed for over ten minutes when she saw the mascot. It was a purple Batman knock-off with a ridiculously cheap, glittery, black cape. Sequins? The mascot's gloves and boots were green as was the underside of the cape. It was like the Vegas edition of the Rodent, but with a villainous scowl. And never mind that the cheerleaders were some bizarre hybridization of herself and Catwoman, but with pig tails… She ought to  _kill_  them for that. Yes, a giant Venus flytrap bursting forth from the center of the stadium to devour the bouncy airheads. Now that would certainly make this game interesting! But then Harley would be disappointed.

Halfway through the game Harley ordered some disgustingly overpriced beverages from a vender that was making his way through the stands. Ivy happened to turn around for a moment and she got a good look at the people sitting behind her. Well, it was really one person that caught her eye. She did a double take as she stared into the face of her morbidly obese, male doppelganger. The burly fan had worn fake vines and painted his face green. She was fairly certain the fake leaves and vines were formerly Christmas decorations. He had bright red lipstick on and a matching wig that Ivy suspected belonged to a Raggedy Anne costume. He was also wearing some sort of green dress that was clearly about to burst from the considerable strain his large body was inflicting upon it.

Ivy slowly turned back around in her seat, unsure how to respond this affront. Harley had noticed too apparently because she was incapacitated by laughter as she spilled her beverage all over herself. The blond's laughter was contagious and she found herself laughing as well.

"Aw, Red. You mean you don't wanna say 'hi' to ya twin sistah?!" Harley managed between fits of laughter.

Ivy was trying to stop laughing, " _Hush_!"

"If it's any consolation." She whispered mischievously, "I think you're the pretty one."

She laughed and stuck her tongue out at the blond. "I should hope so. Otherwise we might have to take you back to Arkham."

As the game went on and Ivy's interest continued to wane, she began to take notice of more of the fans. There were a lot of Catwoman wannabes of varying degrees of quality as well as quite a few Batmans and Robins. She managed to spot a whole group of Harlequins sitting together and a few Two-Faces, which were really just people that painted half their face black and the other half white. There were also a few Riddlers. She spotted one Scarecrow and over a dozen more of herself. Though none were quite as magnificent and horrifying as what was currently seated behind her. She glanced back. Oh Gaia, it was  _dancing_  now.

There were a few Metropolis fans sprinkled about the stadium as could be expected for a visiting team. She even saw a Superman and Wonder Woman couple. The Supers were, as the name suggested, red and blue and thoroughly handing the Rogues their asses. Ivy could care less of course, but Harley was moping something fierce as they exited the stadium. It was late afternoon and the temperature was beginning to drop slightly as the sun began its downward descent.

"Harl, it's just a game." The blond crossed her arms. "Would it make you feel better if I bought you a stuffed version of the Vegas Rodent?"

Harley laughed. "Nah. But ya know what would make me feel bettah?" She batted her eyes dramatically as she sidled up to the redhead.

Uh oh. Pamela could hear the question before it exited her mouth. "You'd like me to take you out tonight? A fine dinner, and perhaps drinks at the Iceberg Lounge?"

Harley squealed and squeezed the redhead, "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeees! Ohmygoshyesthatisogreat! I was actually gonna suggest we go get ice cream cones, but your idea is way bettuh!"

Ivy sighed. What had she gotten herself into?


	13. Chapter 13: Date Night

 

They managed to keep a low profile at the restaurant- 'low' for  _them,_  anyway. Ivy didn't care what kind of restaurant so long as it was inappropriately expensive. Ivy had worn an elegant midnight green dress that went well with her impossibly green eyes. She had also hidden her green complexion for the evening. It wouldn't do for the police to crash their date before dessert. Harley had surprised her with a scandalously sexy black cocktail dress, with a crimson trim. Of course, money was no option when you had a male waiter that could be  _convinced_  that dinner was on the house.

The restaurant that Ivy selected had turned out to serve mostly Italian and seafood. Ivy had opted for a Caesar salad and Harley had ordered everything with a 'funny name.' The dinner date had gone remarkably well and even managed to be romantic. The only thing that could have made it more romantic was if they had sucked spaghetti together like a couple of cartoon dogs.

Then it was off for the second portion of their night: the Iceberg Lounge. Ivy's goal was to make Harley feel cherished and appreciated tonight. Oh, who was she kidding? This wasn't just about a night on the town to make Harley feel good; she could have achieved the same effect with a box of crayons and a slide whistle. This was about providing a visual confirmation that Harley was indeed  _hers_  now.

After leaving the restaurant, it had been a small matter for Ivy to draw in an unsuspecting limo driver and kiss him.

There were two entrances into the Iceberg Lounge. There was the main entrance in the front of the establishment that faced the street. This is where a long line of people, desperate for entry, waited to get in. Most of the Oswald's rogue clientele used the 'other' main entrance, or as they liked to call it, the 'real' entrance, which was cleverly disguised in a large side alley. The only way a person would notice a door is because two of Penguin's henchmen were always standing guard outside.

"Stop here." Ivy commanded her love slave.

The driver immediately followed her command as he pulled up and let them out. "Park across the street and wait for us."

"Anything for you, Ivy." He said dreamily.

Turning her attention back to her date, the redhead extended her arm to her companion. "Shall we?"

Harley latched onto Ivy's arm happily. Mistah J never took her anywhere nice unless they were going to do something nefarious there. Ivy and Harley approached the two henchmen. They were both wearing tuxedos and looking horribly out of place in the filthy side alley.

One of the henchmen bowed slightly and addressed them, "Good evening ladies. Welcome to the Iceberg Lounge. Mr. Cobblepot will be delighted to see you." The other one held open the door as they walked inside. The 'real' entrance led directly into the Lounge's VIP area, allowing his high profile clientele to bypass the first level and any unwanted media attention. Most of them did have active arrest warrants after all.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

"What do you mean she's here? Right now?" Oswald listened to his bouncers from the speaker phone in his office. "Damn it." The small, shockingly homely man continued, "Tell Mason to make sure that her usual table is available and in pristine condition- and for God's sake make sure there are no  _paper_  napkins this time! The club is packed tonight and the last thing I need is for Poison Ivy to start proselytizing." He rolled his eyes.

"Yes sir, Mister Cobblepot."

Oswald scurried about his office, trying to make himself more presentable for his guests. Ivy was a recluse and rarely appeared in public and as a result her presence had at times been highly sought after by Oswald when he wanted to draw attention to his club.

The voice emanating from the speaker was hesitant, "Uh, I don't think she'll be doing much of that tonight, Boss."

Penguin straightened out his bow tie in front of a mirror. "Why is that?" He asked without turning towards the sound.

"She's gotta a date this time. A real hot date."

"Some poor unwitting fool, no doubt. Did she kiss that Bruce Wayne fop and drag him here to pay for beverages?"

"Uh, actually she's with Harley Quinn."

"And?"

"I mean  _with_  Harley Quinn."

Oswald put on his top hat and snorted. "Joker's little dodo bird?"

"Well, I don't think she's his bird no more…"

"Why?"

"Camera three, Sir."

He glanced at the security feed on his computer monitor. His jaw dropped open as he saw that Poison Ivy was in her usual booth and locking lips with The Clown Prince's parakeet.

Oswald squawked with glee. "Ahahah! Yes! I'm on my way. Get them whatever they want. Free drinks! Just keep them here as long as possible!"

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

"Ooo, a Cosmo." Harley told the waiter as she smiled happily.

Ivy purred, "I'll have a glass of Merlot."

He blushed and bowed politely as he disappeared to get their order.

" _Harley_!" The blond perked up at the familiar feminine voice.

"Kitty!" She got out of the booth to give Selina Kyle a hug. "How have you been?"

Selina chuckled. 'Better than  _you_ ' she thought. "Good, and yourself?" She always managed to keep herself out of Arkham. Though in all fairness, Selina wasn't crazy enough to be sent to there in the first place; she would just go to prison if she were caught.

"I'm doin' great." Harley beamed.

"You look great!" Selina said sincerely. She had been worried when she heard about the accident several months back. It had been on the news for quite some time.

"Thanks, you look nice too."

"Pamela." Selina offered a polite smile.

"Selina." Ivy said politely. There was an awkward pause.

"Congratulations."

Ivy raised an eyebrow.

"About you and Harley, I mean." Selina quickly explained.

Ivy was genuinely surprised by the sincerity of her support, "Oh, well thank you."

The raven-haired woman grinned mischievously, "I hear you gave Batman a run for his money during your escape..."

She grinned too, "Yes, it was one of our finer moments. I don't think even he could have imagined that we'd be able to successfully work together."

Selina laughed. She had listened to Bruce's brooding about the ordeal for nearly a month, and for him that was the equivalent of sobbing uncontrollably into her bosom. "So I see. Well, it was nice running into you ladies, but I have some business I need to take care of." Selina winked and excused herself.

After she left, Ivy chuckled, "More like rob some poor fool blind." Selina mentioned on one occasion that she often frequented the lounge so that she'd have a suitable alibi should the need ever arise.

"Mhmm." Harley's attention zeroed in on the waiter as he gave them their drinks and moved away from their table. She took a tentative sip of the bright red beverage. Her eyes lit up, "Yummy."

Ivy took a sip of her glass and put it down. She had never been much of a drinker what with her abnormally high tolerance to alcoholic beverages and all things poison, but that didn't stop her from indulging every now and then.

After chatting for several minutes their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of a short, rotund man in a suit and top hat. He had an abnormally long pointed nose and was wearing a monocle, which only served to make his appearance more humorous.

Ivy tried not to grimace when she offered him a cool greeting, "Oswald."

He tipped his hat and bowed as much as his ridiculously small round body would allow. "Why if it isn't Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn! Such a pleasure!"

"Hiya Penguin." Harley smiled.

"And hello to you too, Miss Quinn." His smile looked more like a leer as he addressed the blond. "It's always a delight to find a lovely bird such as yourself in my establishment."

It took a great deal of effort to keep Ivy from rolling her eyes at his insincere flattery. "How have you been, Oswald?" Ivy asked out of politeness.

"Business is booming thanks to your well-timed hiatus from the birdcage. It's difficult to cater to a demographic that has the unfortunate habit of ending up in prison."

"I can imagine." Ivy said dryly.

A large, hulking security guard wearing a crisp black business suit tapped Oswald on the shoulder. Penguin spun around in annoyance as the large man leaned over and said something to him. Ivy couldn't make out what he was saying over the din of the club.

Oswald grimaced and his face flushed a furious red. He turned his fake smile back on, "My apologies, but I have an important matter to attend to. Have a pleasant evening, ladies." He hurried after his security guard and disappeared beyond the bar area.

"Thank goodness." Ivy sighed in relief.

"Yea, I was hopin' he wouldn't hang around too long." Harley chuckled.

The lounge was so loud and boisterous at this hour that it was hard to hear Harley talking. There were some costumed rogues sprinkled about, but there were also other 'shady' types that frequented the lounge. Some, she could tell were mafia, there were also henchmen, sidekicks, corrupt officials. Or in other words: Gotham City's  _finest_  scumbags! She had managed to make eye contact with Two-Face, who offered her a grin. He was sitting in a booth on the other side of the room between two beautiful women to match each of his personalities.

Ivy had just barely finished off her wine when another glass was suddenly set in front of her. "On the house, Miss." The waiter explained politely before leaving. Ivy picked up the glass and eyed its contents. "That little bugger." She muttered, referring to Oswald. Well, if he was offering free drinks to keep them there longer, then who was she to complain? Harley seemed to be enjoying herself well enough.

_Three drinks later…_

"Yea!" Harley said louder than necessary, "And then it was like I was gonna…"

The blond was interrupted by a loud commotion near the doors. Ivy immediately perked up. They both gave each other mischievous looks. "I think it's time for us to leave, dear." Between Penguin's earlier nervousness and the sudden bustle of activity, Ivy's cop sense was tingling. She smelled a raid.

"Yea… someone's being followed by the…"

_EVERYBODY FREEZE!_

Doing the opposite, everyone got up and stampeded towards the doors, while Harley, Ivy and several other rogues made a beeline for the hidden backdoor.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

"That was a lot of fun, Red." Harley kissed her gently after they entered their hideout. "I always love getting away from the cops!" It had been a perfect evening: dinner, drinks, and a huge adrenaline rush to punctuate their outing.

Pamela blushed, "I'm glad you had a good time."

"I'm gonna take a shower."

While Harley was in the shower Ivy turned on the news just to make sure there wasn't some horrid development in the GCPD's manhunt. She blanched; it was far worse than she could have imagined.

Joker had escaped.

Ivy heard the water stop running. She couldn't tell Harley! It would just worry her. If Ivy was honest with herself she'd realize safety wasn't the only thing she was worried about. She couldn't help it; Harley had abandoned her too many times. Ivy would just keep this to herself for now. She cut the TV off and made her way up stairs.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

_A few nights later…_

Joker strolled in through the front doors of the Iceberg lounge wearing his trade mark purple pinstripe suit. He was grinning ear to ear as he made his way over to the bar. It wasn't very crowded because it was a Sunday. He felt a twinge of satisfaction as the staff avoided eye contact, clearly uncomfortable in his presence.  _Good_.

"What can I get you tonight?" The bartender asked carefully as he tried to pretend that he wasn't speaking to the most dangerous and unpredictable lunatic in Gotham.

Joker cackled, "I'll have a Bloody Mary! Well, I'd rather it was a Bloody  _Harley_ , but I'll make due." He smiled so pleasantly it was frightening. The bartender nodded and went about making his drink.

"Ah, if it isn't the illustrious Professor Crane." He said with mock cheer as he noticed Scarecrow sitting at a nearby table, trying to hide himself behind a large dessert menu.

Crane rolled his eyes. Damn, he should have left earlier. "I see you finally found your way out of Arkham." He winked at the clown.

Joker felt the dig. They had all left without him a several weeks before. Not that he cared, as if  _he_  needed these chuckleheads to bust him out of the slammer. Clearly, he didn't. "It was only a matter of time."

"Of course." He said in a patronizing tone that grated on the Joker's nerves.

Two-Face was sitting at the other end of the bar near Clayface. They were both going out of their way to ignore him.

Joker suddenly had it in his mind to exact revenge for the thrashing he'd received in group therapy. But Two-Face wasn't Batman. He carried a gun too and knew how to use it. Besides, that would be a violation of Penguin's rules and it wasn't worth having to find a new bar. Harvey was also closest to that plant slut. Maybe ugly knew where he could find them.

"Harvey Dent! My favorite two people."

"What do  _you_  want, clown?"

Joker grinned evilly, revealing his spoiled teeth, "I know you spent an awful lot of time chatting with dear old Poison Ivy."

Harvey just stared ahead and took a sip of his drink. It was so tempting to off this freak. "And?"

"And I thought you might know where I could find her?"

"You want Ivy?" He started chuckling. "Or are you just looking for your ex-girlfriend?"

Joker bristled.  _Ex-girlfriend_? Who told him that? Did Harley say that? No, she wouldn't. She was stupid, but not  _that_  stupid.

Two-Face caught his expression and knew what he was thinking. He let out a bark of laughter. "I don't know where they are. But I can tell ya where they ain't." He had a knowing grin on half his face as he cast a glance at an empty booth in the back.

Clayface, who was in a manageable human form, snickered. Crane started laughing too.

What the hell was so funny? He made the jokes around here! "Something amusing?"

"Nah, not really." Then Two-Face couldn't resist, "Except the fact that Harley was swappin' saliva with Pammy in that booth over there a few days ago." He added, "I mean, she was pretty much crawling down Pammy's throat."

Basil guffawed. "Here, have a drink on us."

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

Joker was seeing red.  _Harlequin_   _red_. He hated that bumbling bimbo!  _Despised_  her! How could she do this? Joker had never felt more humiliated in his life. Even being busted by the Bat was less embarrassing, but to be rejected by a woman that barely possessed the intellectual capacity of a snail?! AAARGH! He had to get out of here. He needed to go for a drive; it would help clear his head. He pulled out his gun and opened the passenger side door to a BMW. He aimed the gun at the driver.

Before he could even open his mouth, the driver who had recognized him instantly, jumped out of the car and ran. The clown pouted. He at least wanted to kill  _someone_. He scooted over into the driver's seat and took off even angrier than before.

He sped down the road and ranted, "That fucking plant bitch! I'll spray her with weed killer. And Harley you stupid blithering whore! I'll kill you! I'll kill you both! Arggghaghagghghgh!" He had a crazed look in his eyes.

Music.

Music was said to have a calming effect. He flicked on the stereo and found a radio station that was actually playing music. It had a good beat so he turned it up.

_'Somebody told me you had a boyfriend that looked like a girlfriend that I had in February of last year-'_

"What the hell is wrong with music these days?!" He slammed his finger into another key to select a different station.

_'I kissed a girl and I liked it-'_

"I'll KILL YOU!" He started ramming his fist into the stereo in a fit of rage. His preoccupation with the radio made him forget about an important field of responsibility. He glanced up in time as he went skidding off the road and straight into a tree.

He shoved the door open and limped out of the totaled vehicle. His nose was bleeding from the impact of the airbag.

"You plant bitch! You think you're so clever with your fucking trees! Well take this!" He emptied his clip into the trunk of the large tree. "I hope you feel it, Pammy! Can you feel it? You stupid slut!" He cackled maniacally as he took out his frustration on the unassuming pine.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

_A week later…_

"Wow, I haven't been to the Gotham City Zoo since…" Harley happily lapped away at the remnants of her vanilla soft serve cone. "Well, since  _forevah_."

To say that Harley had been surprised when Ivy suggested they go to the zoo that morning would have been an understatement. They were both dressed in casual attire and Ivy had dumped her green complexion as usual. The redhead had still opted to wear a straw hat and sunglasses, more to hide her identity than to actually block the sun though.

The redhead seemed to be moving through the park with purpose, much to Harley's annoyance. They were passing the best exhibits.

The blond whined. "Red, why are you walkin' so fast? We're passin' the elephants."

Ivy stopped and turned around. She replied cryptically, "Sorry, Harl. I just thought there might be something that you would find interesting over this way."

"More interesting than elephants? Ooo, monkeys." Harley grinned with childlike glee, "I love monkeys!" Her blond pigtails bounced along with her as she trailed along slightly behind Pamela. She wore them low today because she was wearing a red baseball cap. She grabbed Pamela's hand and allowed the redhead to lead her to an isolated enclosure.

This part of the zoo was mostly empty as it was still early in the day and it was towards the back of the park. It was also going to be a scorcher, and most guests had stuck to the more shaded areas. Ivy, however, was happy to soak up the sun. It was nearly impossible for her to actually burn. Who needed sunblock when you had photosynthesis? It paid to be Nature's Chosen Protector.

Harley walked up to the glass of a very large enclosure; they weren't able to see anything at first. A lot of the animals had been difficult to spot on account of the heat. There was a large sign that said 'do not hit the glass.'

"Over there, Harl." Pamela pointed towards several mounds of fur that appeared to be relaxing in the shade towards the back of the exhibit.

"Oh, what are these?" Harley banged on the glass and said loudly. "Helloooow? Over here furballs. Come out where we can see ya!" She could see some activity in response to the noise she was making.

One of the creatures came over to investigate. Harley paused as her brain processed what she was seeing. It wasn't a wolf. "It's a hyena!" Harley glanced at Ivy. The redhead was smiling at her. The blond had a confused look on her face, she didn't understand. "Red?"

"Look closer."

Harley studied the spotted thing. It wasn't particularly remarkable for a hyena. It looked a little fat actually. Then two more came over to investigate. Harley's heart froze. She would recognize those grinning faces anywhere. "Oh, my god it's the babies!" Harley shrieked excitedly and clapped her hands. The two hyenas immediately recognized her and leapt towards the glass. The fat one seemed to lose interest and headed back over to the shade where the others were lounging.

"You're okay! They're okay!" Harley burst into tears and pulled Ivy into a crushing embrace. Ivy held her while she shed tears of relief. After a moment Harley pulled away and studied Ivy critically. "How did you know?"

Ivy shrugged, "I did a bit of Googling. Then I made a few phone calls to confirm that they had indeed made it to the zoo. They were kept at a sanctuary while they recovered from the accident, but the zoo wanted more hyenas so," She smiled, "Here they are."

Ivy's efforts were rewarded with a searing kiss. "I love you, Red," she said adamantly.

"I love you too, Harl."

Turning away from Ivy, Harley put her palm on the glass. She smiled as they pawed at it excitedly. "So now we gotta get them out of here!" Harley said.

"Harley…"

"It'll be no problem, Red." She grinned mischievously, "These keepers won't know what hit 'em!"

"Harley." Ivy crossed her arms.

"What? You can just kiss somebody, right?" Harley was bemused. This was why they were here. Right?

Ivy came over and placed her hand on Harley's shoulder. "Harley, look at them. Look at where they live now." They were in a vast enclosure that resembled an African plain as best it could.

"Yea?"

"They're happy here, Harley. They have everything they need: food, space, companionship, veterinary care…" The blond frowned, "We're criminals. Our lifestyle-"

"No!" Harley crossed her arms and backed away from the redhead and glared.

"Harley, you know I'm right. It's better for them if they remain here for the rest of their lives."

Her eyes were getting moist. "But," She glanced at them. They were staring at her expectantly. "But they're my  _babies_ , Red."

"It's for the best."

Harley snapped, "Easy for you to say! Would you leave them behind if they were  _your_  plant babies?"

"I know it's hard. But sometimes when you care about someone…" She glanced at the mangy slobbering buggers, "Or some _thing…_  you have to let it go even if it makes you unhappy."

"When have you ever done that?" Harley was pacing. Red was notoriously self-centered.

Ivy felt her cheeks heat at the implication, "I let you go all the time!"

Harley felt ashamed. She plopped down on a nearby bench. She put her head in her hands. Under her care they had been in a car accident. "Yea… you're right, Red. It's safer for them here."

Ivy sat next to her. "And remember, Harl. You can come visit them at the zoo whenever you want."

"Yea… I know. I just got so excited, ya know?"

"I know." She remained seated as the blond got up and went back over to the glass.

"Okay, guys. So this is your new home now." They stared at her curiously. "And I'll stop by every now and then ta see ya." She kissed her palm and pressed it against the glass. She was rewarded with excited pawing. "You be good now." She turned on her heel and walked away without looking back. Ivy got up and followed her.

"Are you alright?" Pamela linked arms with her.

She sighed, "Yea. I'm okay. After what happened I suppose I should just be happy they're alive."

"And they're  _happy_ , Harl." Ivy emphasized. Ivy glanced back. She could tell they'd gone back over to the shade with the others.

"Yea." Harley suddenly grinned, "Now I wanna see those monkeys."

 


	14. Chapter 14: Sprout

 

 

_A week later…_

Ivy was fumbling around in her greenhouse searching for her gardening shears when she heard an odd noise. She wasn't sure what it was, but she knew it wasn't a plant. She searched around the greenhouse for the source of this noise, but then she realized that the sound was actually coming from outside the house. Given her circumstances, paranoia was the better point of valor. It could be a caped crusader skulking about or an evil clown. Using her ears as a guide, they eventually lead her to the side of the house and the source of the strange noise.

Pulling back the branches of a large shrub, she revealed a small animal. It was so tiny she wasn't sure what it was, and mistook it for some kind of rodent. After a moment of closer inspection she realized it was a small white cat, a kitten actually. It was clearly dying. It was emaciated and flea ridden and was missing some patches of fur. How it managed to find its way to her hideout in the middle of nowhere at such a young age was a mystery to the plant hybrid. Perhaps it was a feral cat. It didn't even look large enough to be on solid foods yet, but Ivy was hardly an expert on proper cat care. Ivy carefully picked it up and went back into her greenhouse.

It would make a perfect treat for her giant venus flytrap!

As she approached the large plant it instinctively sensed its mistress and happily opened its mouth like a baby bird waiting to be fed. Ivy was ready to toss the mangy fur ball in without a second thought.

 _Meow_.

It was such a faint, pathetic sound. Ivy immediately pitied it, much to her annoyance. She would be doing the wretched thing a favor by putting it out of its misery.

 _Meow_.

She looked down at it. Its crusty glazed eyes were staring up at her innocently. It licked the tip of her finger and purred weakly. It was too weak to lift its head.

Ivy sighed. There would be no feeding it to the flytrap now. She was never very fond of animals; they wreaked terrible havoc on the flora, but she wasn't  _that_  heartless. Leaving the greenhouse, she carried it down into her lab, which was set up in the basement. The least she could do was let it die  _before_  she fed it to her flytrap.

She set it down on a nearby table and examined it. Ivy wasn't a veterinarian, but it didn't take a genius to figure out what was wrong with it.  _Everything_  was wrong with it. Was there even a point in trying to save it? She offered the poor creature water from a large syringe, which it drank greedily from.

Upon closer inspection she could tell by the oversized head and large eyes that this cat would be one of those big white fluffy types that they always put in the cat food commercials; assuming it made it to adulthood. She decided to try using a serum on it that was similar to what triggered her own transition into plant hybridization. It would be a significantly watered down, modified version though. In all likelihood, the serum would probably just finish the poor bugger off, but at least this way Ivy's conscious wouldn't nag her about this later. She sighed.

Killing people was so much easier.

She moved about her laboratory assembling the necessary supplies. After about an hour and a half she had a serum ready. She checked the kitten for a pulse. It was at death's door; it was  _very_  cold and already becoming stiff, but it was still alive. "Well, we'll see if this works." Ivy injected the cat with the serum and put a hand towel over it to keep it warm. Then she headed upstairs to have lunch. She'd know when she came back whether the treatment had worked or not.

 _Two hours later_ …

Fully expecting the worse, Ivy walked over to the table and was surprised to see that the blanket had fallen to the floor and the kitten was nowhere in sight. Could this mean that she had been successful?

Ivy made a kissing sound.

 _Meow_.

The sound was much stronger and more energetic than before.

"Come out here where I can see you."

The little kitten was still very thin and wobbly, but it was walking. Its white matted fur had fallen out and its flesh had turned a spinach green tone. With the emaciation and lack of fur he reminded Ivy of a little green rat. His ears were reminiscent of two folded leaves and his eyes were a brilliant green. He was just  _perfect._

"Oh, you are the most adorable," Ivy mooned as she scooped up the little plant feline. "Thing I've ever seen. Yes you are!"

 _Meow_.

"Now we just need to fatten you up." Ivy was feeling very pleased with herself. Taking him back to the green house, she found an unused rectangular planter that was filled with fresh soil. It wasn't much larger than a standard litter box. She placed the small cat onto the planter and turned a sun lamp on above him. Then she rifled through a cabinet until she pulled out some liquid plant food.

 _Meow_.

She generously applied the liquid to the cat, and taking out a watering can, she proceeded to thoroughly water him. He purred contentedly under the cool shower and arched his back and tail; if the tin had been close enough he would have rubbed against it. She noticed that his eyes were much healthier and clearer. They were also a bright green- though she wasn't sure if that was a side effect or not. She couldn't recall what they had looked like before his transition.

After he had been thoroughly doused, Ivy took out her anti-bug spray and gave him a few blasts. She observed him as he walked around in circles a few times as he massaged the damp soil with his paws. After creating a very shallow crater, the kitten yawned and settled down in it, curling into a little green ball. Ivy could tell he was already falling asleep. She was pleased to note that his 'fur' was responding well to the sun lamp she'd turned on. She could make out a fresh growth of very fine grass-like sprouts where his fur was supposed to be. She would check on him again a little later.

If she was successful with the kitten it would make a nice gift for Harley. The blond always did like small soft things. Then hopefully she would stop dropping hints about reacquiring those mangy hyenas or 'bustin' them outta the slammah' as Harley liked to put it. A cat Ivy could handle, but not those things. She didn't care how friendly they seemed, they would always be wild animals. It's a wonder they hadn't already attacked Harley by accident. She also wouldn't have to worry about the kitten living in disharmony with her plants since it was a hybrid too. This way everyone would get what they wanted.

The blond was currently out shopping or knowing Harley, more like robbing the store blind. Ivy paced around the kitchen trying to figure out what to feed it when she remembered that felines were supposed to enjoy milk, especially the small ones. After warming it to a suitable temperature, Ivy carried a bowl of milk into the greenhouse.

The kitten immediately perked up when she set the bowl down beside his planter. Yawning and stretching, he made his way over to the proffered dairy product and proceeded to lap it up greedily.

 _Meow_.

Ivy supposed that was his way of complaining that the milk was gone.

"I'm trying to figure out what to call you." She watched him as he explored the area near his planter. "Poison Oak… No, not very flattering. Juniper? Eh, too fancy. Hemlock… Too harsh. Oleander? Too gay. Virginia Creeper! Um…  _No._ " The cat studied her curiously before going back to the center of the planter and lying back down. She noticed a shoot of grass as it came sprouting out on his face. His paw moved up to bat at the undoubtedly itchy sensation.

"Sprout." Ivy smiled. "I think I like that. My little Sprout."

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

 

Several days had passed and Ivy had kept little Sprout under wraps. He was quiet and well-behaved which made that considerably easier. Though in all fairness, he was also recovering from being very ill so he spent most of his time eating, sleeping, and photosynthesizing. Harley rarely went into Ivy's lab or the greenhouse as it was considered off-limits. That, and Harley was always concerned that she might accidentally disturb something vicious and be consumed by a giant, terrifying plant-thing if she went piddling about unsupervised, or as the blond like to call it: 'Red's Little Shop of Horrors'.

"Red!" Harley came into the house with shopping bags. "It's me."

"In here." Her voice came from inside the kitchen.

"Hiya." Harley put the bags on the counter. She noticed that the house smelled like several levels of delicious. Ivy was a great cook. She suspected it had something to do with her chemistry talents. Harley could see something in the oven. "Oh, smells yummy! Whatcha makin'?" The blond hugged Ivy from behind.

"Cake." Ivy was checking something in a pot on the stove.

Harley husked playfully, "You know how I feel about cake, Red."

"Yes, I do." Ivy chuckled. "But not until after dinner."

"I gotcha that stuff you wanted." Harley motioned to one of the bags.

"Excellent!" Ivy smiled as she moved over to one of the bags and pulled out a box of canned cat food.

"I didn't know you were feeding your flytraps cat food."

"Well, I feed it anything." Ivy chuckled. "Actually Harl, I have something for you. A surprise."

"I love surprises!" Then Harley thought about it and became concerned, "Wait, it's not gonna explode is it?"

Ivy pursed her lips, "No, I'm not the Joker, dear."

Harley's smile returned, "Okay then!"

Ivy made a kissy sound. The kitten stepped out from around the corner of the counter and was now standing in the middle of the kitchen as it stared up at Harley.

Ivy smiled at the alarmed gasp that came from the blond. "Oh my gosh! It's a kitty! It's a  _green_  kitty!" Harley clapped her hands excitedly and immediately knelt down to pet the kitty. It purred contentedly under the attention.

"I thought you'd like that."

Her blue eyes widened, "Ya mean it's for  _me_?"

"Yes. Of course, dear."

Her grin got even wider as she scooped up the little cat and held him like a baby.

"I've been calling him Sprout."

"That's a good name, Red." Harley stood up and kissed Ivy. "He's perfect Red, thanks so much!"

"Happy Birthday, Harl."

"Birthday?" Harley paused and thought about it for a moment. "Oh my god, I forgot. I forgot my own birthday!" She laughed uproariously.

Ivy laughed too, "Then it's a good thing I remembered."

"So that's why there's cake!"

"Mhmm."

"So where'd you get him? And why is he green?" Harley was so accustomed to seeing strange things in Gotham that a plant hybrid kitty was hardly a reason for alarm.

"I found him outside the house believe it or not. He was very sick. The only way I could save him was by using my serum on him."

"I see." Harley kissed his head and stroked his back, "Mommy's little gween booger. Who's a gween boogah? You are. Yes, you are." Harley felt like she was stroking a chia pet more than a cat.

Ivy chuckled. He'd probably be named Booger now. Oh well, she tried.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

 

_Evening_

Ivy woke up and reached out absently in the dark to seek out her lover. Harley had received her final birthday present, which had left them both thoroughly exhausted. Instead of feeling Harley's soft skin she felt something fuzzy. She started slightly when it moved. Then she heard a purring and recalled the newest edition to their little family.

She frowned.

Grabbing the little kitten she sat up and was about to get out of bed when Harley's voice stopped her, "Red? Whacha doin?"

"Harl…" She said groggily. "What did I say about the cat in the bed?"

She couldn't see her face in the dark, but she could tell she was pouting. "But  _Red_. It's too scary in the greenhouse!"

"Why?"

"It's dark and scary! He's afraid of the dark! You can't leave the baby in there all by himself."

_Meow._

"He's not alone, Harley. My killer venus flytraps are in there to keep him company."

" _Exactly_  my point, Red."

"But Harley, he's a hybrid like me. He's attuned to the vegetation too. They would never eat him."

"He doesn't want to go." Harley said petulantly. Ivy felt the blond's hands shoot out and take the kitten from her. The blond cradled him to her body and lay back down.

"Not in the bed, Harley!" Ivy was annoyed.

"But he's so little. Just tonight okay?"

Ivy sighed. She was too tired to continue this. She climbed back into bed and eventually was able to go back to sleep.

She was awakened in the morning by a tale brushing against her face and more purring. He was rubbing against Ivy anxiously and frolicking about. She supposed he was hungry, and Harley was certainly not a morning person.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

 

"Now. We need to set down some basic rules in order for us to all get along." Ivy put up a hand to stop the inevitable protest, "No, I don't want you to talk right now. I just want you to listen." Pamela paced back and forth in the kitchen as she eyed her captive audience. Sitting calmly on the linoleum floor beside his empty food dish, Sprout perked up at the tone of Ivy's voice.

"Harley might be your mommy, but she's my girlfriend. And that means that when we're in bed…" Losing interest, Sprout licked his paw languidly. "You have no idea what I'm saying do you?"

_Meow._

Ivy sighed, "And now I can't be mad at you." She patted him on the head. His grass-like fur had grown in significantly, giving him a fluffy look, and his large bulbous head, big eyes, and tiny body made him adorable.

Ivy turned towards the sound of footsteps. "Harley." Ivy had a tone that the blond immediately recognized. It was the 'we need to talk' tone, and Harley had a pretty good idea what it was going to be about.

"Hiya." Harley moved closer to the redhead. Ivy crossed her arms.

"Now about the cat in the-" The rest of Ivy's sentence was muffled as she suddenly found Harley's lips pressed against hers. The blond wrapped her arms around the plant-hybrid and pulled her closer.

Ivy's train of thought derailed as she felt Harley's hands moving along her back. She opened her mouth when she felt Harley's tongue seeking entry. Harley smiled against Ivy when she tasted a familiar rush of nectary sweetness from Ivy's mouth. After an interminable amount of time, the blond pulled back. "Hey sugah lips."

" _Hey_." Was the husky response.

Harley kissed Pamela on the lips one more time, winked and made her way to the living room where she was going to (presumably) watch cartoons. Ivy stood in the kitchen in a shocked stupor as she wondered what she had been doing previously. Oh well, it probably wasn't important anyway.


	15. Chapter 15: Uninvited Guests

 

 

Ivy had managed to keep Harley suitably distracted and away from the news for several weeks, but it was getting harder to keep the evil clown under wraps, especially when he had just set off a bomb at a crowded shopping center. Of course, Batman had already intercepted and evacuated everyone before it detonated, but the city was still shook up by the event and that meant that cable news wasn't going to shut up about it anytime soon.

Thankfully, Harley's interest in television was typically centered on the Cartoon Network and ESPN. So it made it a little easier for Ivy to keep that information from her, but she was just delaying the inevitable. Ivy was hoping the Rodent would send him back to Arkham before Harley had to find out that he was ever out.

It was getting late, and Ivy was making her usual rounds to check on her plants before retiring for the night. Harley was vegging on the couch and had nodded off by the time Ivy had made her way back into the living room. Sprout had curled up on the armrest and was snoozing as well. The redhead smiled and dimmed the lights. She considered waking her up, but thought better of it as she was already sound asleep. She was just about to head upstairs when she heard a noise coming from outside.

The redhead was immediately on high alert. Someone had found them! She crept over to Harley and shook her. "Harley!" She said in a harsh whisper.

The blond gazed up at her through bleary eyes. "Monkeys?"

"No. I think the Rodent found us!"

Harley's sleep muddled brain seemed to understand that bit and she sat bolt upright and tossed off her red throw. "Whatwassat?"

"The Rodent. Outside." Ivy's eyes glowed green as she communed with her plants. They would tell her where the intruder was.

Harley jogged off down the hall and came back with a large wooden mallet. Whatever it was it was going to get  _hit._

"It's inside." Ivy whispered as she turned towards the kitchen area where she heard a sound.

"What? How?"

"Ssh." Ivy expected her babies to take care of it.

Ivy smiled as she heard a surprised yelp. Her vines yanked the offender out of the kitchen and hoisted him up in the air. Well,  _her_ , actually.

"Is this any way to treat an old friend?" Catwoman purred. She was remarkably unfazed considering that Ivy could easily constrict her to death with a wave of her green hand.

"Kitty?" Harley relaxed and put the mallet down.

Ivy crossed her arms. "What the hell do you want?"

"Charming as usual." Selina chuckled. "Why don't you put me down and we can converse like civilized folk."

The redhead rolled her eyes and relaxed the vine's grip. Selina effortlessly flipped her body and landed right on her feet. No sooner than she'd landed, Harley barreled into her, hugging her enthusiastically. "How ya been, Kitty?"

"Not bad, Harl. Not bad." She reluctantly returned the gesture. Then she noticed something  _new_. "Oh my, look at that..." Selina studied the odd plant-themed cat with extreme fascination. The small kitten stared up at the Cat lady and studied her with equal interest.

"Yea, that's Sprout. Red gave him to me for my birthday. He was real sick so she gave him the plant supah juice!"

"I see." Selina bent over to touch the cat. She smiled, "Pretty kitty…"

Ivy added, "I found traces of poison oak in his saliva."

" _Poison_   _kitty_ …" Selina's eyes widened a little and she retracted her hand as she straightened up.

 _Meow_.

Ivy rolled her eyes. "I'll say it again. Why are you here?" Selina always had an ulterior motive.

The leather clad woman muttered irritably, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

Harley was standing halfway between both women. She was wearing a Pikachu sleep shirt and black gym shorts.

"Yea, so what brings ya out here?" Harley echoed her girlfriend, albeit more politely.

"Batman."

"What about him?" Harley continued.

"No, Batman brought me here. He's sitting outside in the Batmobile." Selina studied her claws nonchalantly. "And before your girlfriend flies off the handle, I want you both to know that he already knew where to find you. He just happened to drag me along to play messenger." She frowned at the last part.

"And what message do you bring?" Ivy spat as she began pacing agitatedly. She'd just known Selina's sudden appearance meant bad news.

"He needs to find the Joker and he's running short on time."

The blond's eyes widened. "Mistah J escaped?"

Selina raised an eyebrow, "He's been out for weeks. It's been all over the news." Her voice softened as she took in the blond's shocked expression, "You really didn't know?"

"No, I…" Harley turned to Red, she was clearly confused. She caught the guilty look on Ivy's face. A candle flickered to life in Harley's brain. Ivy had always been a news junkie, 'criminal necessity' and all that. Her confusion morphed into annoyance. "Red, did you know about this?"

Ivy cleared her throat and studied her fingernails. "Well, he was bound to escape at some point. I mean he's 'the Joker,' right?"

The blond was furious. "What if he came after us? I needed to be prepared! What? You didn't think I could handle it? Didja think I'm too stupid or somethin'?" Ivy shrugged and remained silent. "Say something!" Harley shouted.

"What do you want me to say? That I don't trust you as much as I'd like?" Ivy turned up the volume on her bitch tone. "Well, I don't trust you. For all I knew you'd just go running back to him like old times!"

"What if he did something really bad?"

"He did." Selina added.

"See!" Harley gestured to Catwoman, who was now looking decidedly uncomfortable in the face of listening to their spat. She studied her whip as she pretended not to hear. She was relieved that she had refused Bruce's offer of a listening device; otherwise, the caped crusader would be getting an earful right about now.

Ivy scoffed, "Since when do you care whether or not he does something bad? He's the Joker, you airhead; he's always doing bad things. You always thought it was hilarious and brilliant before!"

"Airhead!?" Harley crossed her arms, "Is that how you wanna play it, Red?" Ivy crossed her arms too. Then Harley said in a soft, defeated tone. "Fine, I might be stupid, but you're a liar. And a meanie…" She stuck her tongue out and sat on the couch.

Ivy went through a mental checklist about how to fix this. She didn't have any more Oreos so that meant a verbal apology was in order.

"Harley, I didn't mean it."

"Yea, you did."

"No, I didn't."

"Yea, you did!"

"I told you I didn't."

"Yea, you did."

Ivy felt herself lose it at Harley's parroting, "NO, I DIDN'T!" She nearly shrieked.

The blond had the decency to be affronted, "Can ya believe the way she talks ta me?!" She directed her question to Selina who was fidgeting uncomfortably and hoping to vanish into the wall.

She chuckled and replied, "Harley, Pamela talks to everyone that way. It's just her preferred method of communication. Isn't that right, Pam?"

Ivy's green eyes narrowed at the leather clad smartass before refocusing on the blond. "As opposed to what, Harley? The way Puddin' used to talk to you? Or the way he used to beat you? Oh, please." She rolled her eyes and went to stand against the wall on the opposite side of the room as she stewed over the ridiculousness of their argument. Didn't Harley realize that this was supposed to be a prelude to great make-up sex? Airhead.

There was an awkward silence.

"So what exactly does the rodent want?" Ivy snapped. "He must want it bad if he's willing to use  _you_  as a representative." She looked the woman up and down with disdain.

"Harley's cooperation."

The blond blinked. She had been certain that whatever it was, it had to be more about Red than herself. Red was usually a higher priority on the 'most wanted' lists.

"And what if I don't wanna help B-Man?" Harley crossed her arms defiantly and replied with the petulance of a ten year old.

"Then I suspect he'll arrest you."

"And if I do help?"

Catwoman paused and said with annoyance, "Honestly, he didn't give me the details on that part." Batman had given her a whole script worth of bull to feed them, but she had already agreed to play along. That didn't mean she was going to lie too. They were her friends… on occasion. That, and Selina had a  _serious_  problem with authority.

"Some messenger you turned out to be." Ivy griped.

"I'm really just here to keep you from trying to kill him."

"Using you as a shield? I'd have to say that's probably one of his better ideas." Ivy grumped and crossed her arms. Selina just sighed and continued to lean against the wall on the other side of the room as Ivy glared daggers at her. Then it occurred to the redhead. Selina was just a distraction so that she wouldn't notice him with her plants.

"Jeezus jumpin' Jehoshaphats!" Ivy directed her attention to Harley's startled exclamation. Standing at the entrance to her green house was Batman.

"Ah. If it isn't the Rodent, himself." Ivy spat angrily. How dare he enter her sanctum! "I thought you were going to hide behind Catwoman all night."

"We need Harley's help to find the Joker." He said seriously, getting right down to business. He wasn't in the mood for one of those 'ah, we meet again' villainous spiels that he was sure Pamela had already rehearsed in front of her bathroom mirror for just such an occasion.

Harley felt her hackles rise too. She'd lost count of the number of times Batman had sent her to Arkham. "I don't wanna help ya find him. You can do it ya self!" She stuck her tongue out at him and crossed her arms peevishly.

"Quinn, listen. Joker is threatening to set off a nuclear device."

"Ha!" She squawked, "Yea right, B-Man. You must think we're pretty stupid to fall for that one. There's no way Mistah J could have a nuke! He'd have to break into a top secret government facility, overwhelm the military with laughing gas or somethin' equally brilliant, and then have the gang haul that stuff away with time to spare before law enforcement found out!" She laughed incredulously.

Batman stood still and unflinching, "That's exactly what he did, Quinn."

"What!" She blanched. "What the hell is wrong with security these days?"

Ivy didn't like the direction this conversation was going. She could practically feel the blond's defiance and resolve slipping. If Joker wanted to blow up a bunch of meat sacks, it was hardly the concern of Nature's Chosen Protector. Even though she despised the clown for her own reasons, in that moment she wanted to give him a medal. If he destroyed Gotham then she wouldn't have too. It would save her a lot of trouble, and she could always create plants that were resistant to the radiation.

"I don't see what I'm supposed to do about it. I ain't a cop in case ya haven't noticed!" Harley spat.

"We can do this the easy way or the hard way, Quinn."

"I want a deal!" She yelled.

Batman cut her off before she could continue down that line of thought. "I won't give you a deal, but you do get an ultimatum: You help or you go to Arkham. Your choice."

Harley giggled, "And I take it you're going to make us, B-Man?"

"Yes."

Last time Harley checked, Batman was looking outnumbered, though she had to admit that Selina was the outlier in this situation. "You and what army?"

"This one." He said something into a communicator and the house was flooded with bright lights and the familiar flashing of red and blue.

_*BWEEP bip bip BWEEP*_

Ivy glanced out the curtain nervously. "Damn it. You brought the entire Gotham Police Department with you?" She directed the accusation at Selina. This was low, even for someone that played both sides. "Are you going to arrest the Cat too or she exempt because she's your favorite?" She snapped at Batman. The justice system was so broken.

Batman's cool answer was, "She already has an arrangement with Gordon."

"Of course, you do." Ivy sneered at the raven-haired woman who had the decency to seem embarrassed. This is why she  _never_  liked Selina- why she could never trust her. Selina always looked out for number one and unlike herself and the other rogues she never had a serious conviction outside of stealing pretty objects, and they  _all_  did that from time to time. It was hardly impressive in Ivy's opinion. And never mind that Selina did it for sport, not because she actually needed the money.

When Ivy robbed banks it was to fund her crusade to save the planet, not because she had didn't have anything better to do. As far as Ivy was concerned, if it wasn't worth  _killing_  for then it wasn't worth doing. That was the separation between the two of them. To her, Catwoman was just a petty thief and Ivy saw herself as a woman with purpose. Although her doctors described her as being a deranged sociopath with delusions of grandeur, but it was Arkham; what the hell did they know about mental illness? It was common for them to mistake dedication for insanity. Fools.

Harley was visibly startled by the amount of police presence. "So if ya got all those cops then why dontcha just arrest us? What's in it for us if we help ya?"

"A judge might agree to commute your sentence."

They all started at the sudden bark of laughter that roared out of Ivy. "Commute my sentence!" She was laughing so hard that she was beginning to wheeze, "Commute my sentence? Oh, tell me, Batman! Will they reduce my twenty three consecutive life sentences down to a mere  _fifteen_  consecutive life sentences?!" She paused as more laughter erupted from her, "Don't you know I can just leave Arkham when I feel like it? Even you understand that by now." She felt a twinge of satisfaction as she could detect the beginnings of a scowl on his perpetually dour face. She laughed louder. Harley relaxed and laughed too. Their recent prison break had been a huge embarrassment to the city and the fact that she had spearheaded it made her beam with a sense of pride and accomplishment. She knew the Rodent was still smarting over it. After all, he was the only person that had any hope of arresting them all- yet again.

"Yea, you can take your ultimatum and shove it up your ass, B-Man!" Harley snapped.

"Actually,  _Pamela_ ," He knew she hated it when he called her by her real name, "This option isn't being offered to you anyway. Harley is the one that I'm here to deal with. You're just collateral. The police aren't here for her. They're here for you."

Harley's eyes bulged in surprise at his candidness. Selina glowered at the caped crusader. Her expression screamed,  _'What the hell are you thinking, Bruce?'_  There was only one way this was going to end now. She knew she should have just told him 'no' and jumped off that building, but then he started going on about hostages and thousands of innocent lives... Argh! It was hard being the only rogue in Gotham with a conscience.

Batman experienced a few moments of satisfaction as he watched the green woman shake with fury. The satisfaction was short lived as he soon found himself bound in Ivy's vines and hanging upside down. Glancing to the side he noticed that Selina was in the same position several feet away. She glared at him and said smartly. "Diplomacy fail, Batman."

Considering Pamela's temper that had been a poor choice of words to say the least and he knew that it wasn't because he told her she would be arrested. Ivy wouldn't care about that. Oh no, he told a narcissist that she was  _just_   _collateral_. That's where she was smarting.

"Arrest me?" Ivy was laughing again, but now it was that sick, crazed kind of laugh that all the rogues had to some degree. It was somewhere along the line of being evil and insane. "How about I give you an ultimatum: get rid of the police and I might consider giving you a quick death." She spat. Who did these people think they were? Coming into her home and telling her what she was going to do… she'd kill them  _all_.

Batman replied calmly, though there was a hint of discomfort in his voice as the vines squeezed him in awkward places. "Let Selina go. This isn't about her."

Batman heard Selina mutter under her breath, "Oh, here we go."

Ivy paced back and forth agitatedly, "No, this is about me. This is about you violating my sanctum! This is about-"

"Oh, for the love of God, Ivy. Why don't you just save the speeches and let's get this over with!" Catwoman snapped in exasperation. Selina wanted to strangle Bruce. She'd warned him about this approach, but he thought he could use intimidation on them. She'd tried to explain that you can't intimidate crazy. If they had offered them a genuine deal this might not have escalated. Harley and Ivy were not like many of the others- they would have been more open to negotiations. Typical Bruce, he asked her for advice and then ignored it. This was all Bruce's fault and if they both lived through this she was  _so_  withholding!

"Ivy, let Selina go. We can talk about your deal as soon as you release her." Batman said.

"And let my hostage leave the premises? I don't think so, Ratman. I might be insane, but I'm not stupid. She's more useful to me than you. Besides, you shouldn't worry about her too much. After all Selina is," Her bright green eyes narrowed, " _just collateral._ " Yep, she was still smarting.

"This is about me." Batman tried to reason with the green harridan.

"Beeeeeeep! Wrong!" Harley laughed as she picked up her mallet and let it rest casually on her left shoulder like a lumber jack with an ax. "This is actually about me!" She said chummily as she gestured to herself in a cartoonish fashion. "This is about me, and you not being able to take 'no' for an answer."

Batman didn't like the jubilant gleam in her blue eyes. Harley reached up, and grabbing his shoulder she spun him around as he dangled pathetically. "Whatsamatter B-Man? You don't like piñatas?"

He threatened impotently as he swung to and fro, "You swing that mallet and the deal is off, Quinn."

"Beeeeep! Wrong again, Bat-Brain!" Harley chirped, "You said there wasn't a deal, you said there was only an," She crossed her eyes and imitated his serious voice, "ultimatum."

She tilted her head and batted her eyes at him playfully as she seemed to bob up and down slightly. Harley Quinn was bouncy, to say the least.

"If he isn't stopped then thousands of innocent people are going to die." The Dark Knight was beginning to sound frustrated.  _These_   _people._  This would have been so much easier if Ivy wasn't present. Not only could he have avoided an altercation with the plant hybrid, but he probably could have talked Harley into cooperating in exchange for an X-box and a window at Arkham.

Ivy crossed her arms and ranted irrationally, "Innocent people? There's nothing innocent about the burning of fossil fuels or the destruction of the natural world…the trimming of the grass…"

Harley appeared to be considering his words, "And I toldja I don't wanna help, but since you don't wanna take no for an answer we gotta do this the hard way." She also really wanted to hit him with her giant mallet.

Selina spoke up, interrupting Harley's swing, "Did it occur to you that an explosion that big could kill you both?"

Both women quickly blurted, "Nope!" simultaneously. "Red lives out in the middle of nowhere, Kitty. We all know Joker wants as many people as possible."

"Harley, I know that you're a good person…" Selina said.

"Ha!" She circled around the Dark Knight searching for a good place to take a first swing at.

"And you wouldn't approve of killing children," She continued.

Harley's eyes narrowed at her. Why did she have to bring up the children? It always came down to the children. She said it with less conviction than before, "Yea, well it ain't my job."

"Harley, if Gotham is destroyed and everybody dies, then you still have to deal with the Joker on your own." Selina added.

"We can handle him." Ivy snapped.

Selina rolled her eyes, "Can you handle a nuke, Pamela?"

"I can handle you."

Ignoring the vine vixen, Selina continued to address Harley, "It's only a matter of time before he comes for you, Harley."

The blond looked sad for a moment. She was right about that. It was a wonder that he hadn't come for them first. He must not know where they are, otherwise Red would be in serious danger.

"Yea, well if you guys want me to do anything then B-Man needs to understand some things first!"

He was loath to give in, but time was of the essence and it would be easier than listening to Ivy's plant-themed ravings for the next few hours. "I'm listening."

"First, you ain't gonna arrest us. And second, any deal I get, Ivy gets too or you can go screw ya self!"

"Even if I made a deal with you, that doesn't mean that Gordon would agree to it."

Ivy scoffed, "Oh please. We all know who the  _real_  authority is in these matters." As if the police commissioner's opinion mattered at all. Did he think she was a complete fool?

"Well, you better come up with somethin' real quick or I'm gonna start swingin'!" Harley was waving her mallet menacingly, but considering her Pokémon pajamas and pigtails, she was far from frightening. He might have described her as 'cute' if she wasn't so imbalanced.

Selina spoke up, "Why don't you tell Batman what it is that you would want?"

"I want you both to die." Ivy stated candidly.

Selina nodded at the redhead, "Thanks for your input, Pam. But the question is directed to Harley, what would you want if you could have a deal?"

"Well!" She relaxed her stance for a moment as she considered her options, "I would want some…" She looked thoughtful, "I just want some jelly donuts!"

Ivy blanched and quickly cut in, "She wants both of our arrest warrants removed and our criminal records expunged!"

Harley snapped at the redhead, "Why you gotta always talk over me, huh?" The hybrid stalked over to her and said low enough so that their unwanted guests couldn't hear.

"Because you are about to blow a prime opportunity with your childish antics! That's why!"

The blond crossed her arms and said with less enthusiasm, "Yea, exactly what she said  _and_  a box of jelly donuts."

"Gordon will never agree and neither will I." Batman said seriously.

"Of course not," Ivy said pleasantly. "But this is merely a starting point for our negotiations."

"He would probably agree to the donuts." Batman added for the blond's benefit.

"We don't care about the donuts!" Ivy hissed. "Harley was being facetious."

"No, I wasn't." She muttered to herself in annoyance.

"Oh, and another thing." Ivy continued, "In case the police suddenly become inspired enough to do their jobs and storm this place, I will release a toxin that will kill you all. And I have acids that will burn through any attempt at a hazmat suit so it isn't worth the bother. Harley is immune. You are not."

"Gordon will never agree to expunge your records, but he might be convinced not to arrest you this time if you are helpful."

"Dump. The.  _Warrants_. If it isn't on paper then it isn't any good." Paperwork was the lifeblood of bureaucracy.

"Unlikely. I can ask him, but you're not likely to get it."

She shrugged nonchalantly, "Then you're not likely to get Harley's assistance." Ivy said seductively as she sauntered over to Batman, "I mean you did say that thousands of lives are on the line, Batman. Is our freedom not a small price to pay to save thousands of lives and prevent millions in damage?" She ran a finger playfully along the side of his cowl. "I think expunging our records is also a small price to pay in exchange for all of that."

Harley just nodded in agreement, perfectly content to let Red do the negotiating. Red was so brilliant, she'd probably be able to get those donuts too…

Batman replied testily, "I can't talk to Gordon in this position."

Ivy arched an eyebrow. She allowed her vines to shift so that he could move one arm. "And don't tell me you don't have a communicator of some sort in that ridiculous mask. One arm should suffice."

Stretching his arm and bringing it down to his head, which was beginning to throb from hanging upside down, he mumbled into his communicator. "Yes. Of course, she wants a deal. No. Yes. She wants," He hesitated, "She wants both their arrest warrants dropped and their criminal records expunged." Batman rolled his eyes as he heard the guffaw of laughter from Gordon. "I know. I told her that already."

"And jelly donuts!" Harley grabbed the caped crusader and spun him around again.

Batman frowned as he slowly twirled, "And jelly donuts."

"Raspberry!" She blurted in his face.

"What?"

"The jelly!"

"She wants them to be  _raspberry_  jelly donuts." Batman sounded thoroughly annoyed. "Of course, Quinn is serious. Okay. We'll see." Batman blinked, he couldn't believe he was having this conversation. "Quinn, do you want them glazed or powdered?"

"Glazed!"

"Did you get that? Right." Apparently the GCPD knew their donuts.

"So what did the simpering commissioner have to say?" Ivy had a pretty good idea.

"Yes to the donuts."

"Yay!"

"And no to everything else."

"Boo!"

"What about the arrest warrants?" Ivy asked.

"He said no."

The redhead replied, "He said 'no' in conjunction with expunging our records."

"Same thing."

Her eyes flashed the vines' grip on Batman tightened. "Well, you better convince him to say 'yes', Dark Knight, because that is our  _minimum_  requirement."

Batman inquired through his earpiece again and then said to Ivy, "He'll ignore the warrant this one time, but he won't do away with it."

Harley crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. "I dunno, Red. That sounds kinda like a raw deal ta me…"

"I agree." Ivy's eyes glowed as a vine snaked down towards Selina's face. It moved in a serpentine fashion.

Selina eyed it uncomfortably, "Um… Pammy? Old, buddy, old pal…" The vine that had snaked down had thick thorns growing at the tip that were reminiscent of fangs. Catwoman cried out in surprise as it rapidly shot to the side and struck her on the neck, leaving a small, deep gash. It didn't appear to be a big deal, but it did begin bleeding profusely. She could feel the warmth of the red liquid as it dribbled down her neck to the base of her ear.

"Hey, I'm on your side!" Catwoman snapped in annoyance.

Ivy crossed her arms, "That has yet to be seen… I loathe doing this to you, Selina, but you understand that sometimes extreme circumstances call for extreme measures." She turned her attention to Batman, "I'm sure you know that as the blood rushes to her wound it will also rush to her head rapidly until it kills her. Time is of the essence, Rodent. Now make those arrest warrants vanish!"

"Harley, I'm your friend!" Selina tried to appeal to the blond.

Ivy barked angrily. "Friends don't play sidekick to friends' crime-fighting nemesis!"

Harley crossed her arms. She was torn. "Yea, Red has got a point there, Kitty. You say you're my friend, but you side with B-Man all the time."

"Honestly, Harley, it comes down to the situation. A nuke is bad for  _everyone._  Even Oswald's panties are in a bunch over Joker's threats. It's a wonder the other rogues haven't sought you out just to preserve their own interests."

"You like him more than you like me." The blond pouted and pointed at the Dark Knight, who was looking downright furious as he spoke into his communicator.

Selina snapped, "And how many times did you screw me over because of the Joker!?" Harley was so infuriating!

"Touché." Ivy chuckled, she certainly knew what that felt like. "I told you it's nothing personal, Selina. You understand. I'm doing this for Harley's wellbeing."

"Of course, Ivy!" She said sarcastically, "You've always been such a generous soul."

"Yes, I have." Ivy answered seriously. "In all fairness, the only reason you're still alive is because Harley seems attached to you."

Selina laughed sarcastically, "Oh and I know you just  _hate_  that don't you? You can't handle her having any friends aside from you. You want her to be completely dependent on you so that you can control her. You may go on and on about how horrible the Joker is, but honestly, Pam, you two have a lot in common."

Selina cried out as the vines started to constrict her.

"I'm nothing like him. If I was like him you'd already be dead!" Ivy glowered.

"Ivy, Gordon is willing to consider tossing out your arrest warrants." Batman answered.

"Consider? Tell him to fucking do it!" She shrieked. "I'm not sure your cat will last long enough to wait for Gordon's brain to catch up with his body!"

Catwoman began coughing.

"Um… Red?" Harley was peeking out the curtain. "Red!"

"What is it?" Ivy growled.

"We gotta visitor." There was a knock on the door. "It's Gordon."

"Seriously? Grew a backbone, did he?" Ivy was surprised.

"Should I open the door?"

"Why not? We can handle him."

Harley opened the door and quickly shut it behind the graying commissioner.

"Egads!" He exclaimed when he saw Batman and Catwoman's predicament. The room was covered in plants save for the few pieces of furniture.

"Welcome to my sanctuary, Commissioner. Well it  _was_  a sanctuary… until you people showed up."

"Pamela Isley, I don't have time for this. That's the only reason we haven't stormed this building."

Ivy studied her nails nonchalantly, "And you know that I'd kill everyone who did."

"The Joker is threatening to set off a bomb that could take out a large portion of the city. Now I'm asking for Harley's help in locating him, but in order for you both to get your deal, you need to let your hostages go and Harley needs to give us useful intel. If she doesn't lead us to the Joker then any deal we have is off. Now I'm willing to do away with the arrest warrants, but if you so much as sneeze funny then you will find yourself back in Arkham. Do you understand?"

"Yes, we understand."

"So do we agree?"

"I want donuts."

"Yes, yes, we'll even throw in your donuts."

Harley and Ivy glanced at each other thoughtfully until Ivy replied. "We will accept your offer." It was what they wanted all along.

Harley extended her hand and he shook it. Ivy extended her green hand and smiled sinisterly. He hesitated. "Oh, you don't think I'd kill you right when I've got what I wanted do you?"

He frowned and shook the terrorist's hand. It was a sad day in law enforcement.

"Let us down now." Batman snapped. Catwoman was looking unresponsive.

Ivy smiled cordially and released them both like a sack of potatoes.

The Bat landed solidly on his feet and miraculously, Catwoman landed on her feet as well, though she wasn't quite as graceful as before. Selina's head was spinning. After getting her bearings for a moment she stalked over to Ivy and stared her right in the face.

Ivy crossed her arms and made a kissy sound at her, it was the same sound she made to her own cat. Catwoman slapped her soundly with her clawed hand before she stalked out of the house. Ivy's hand went to her face where she felt a trickle of her toxic green blood. She felt rage well up inside her, but considering she'd gotten her way she decided to just laugh instead. Her eyes glowed green as the cuts on her face closed up. In a few minutes one would never guess she'd ever been struck. Cosmetic injuries were easily repaired.


	16. Chapter 16: The Search Is On

 

Harley made little chortling sounds as she munched away on her second glazed jelly donut. She was surprised by how fresh they were considering the late hour. She was sitting in the kitchen area of Ivy's hideout as Gordon and Batman stared at her expectantly. She had refused to do cooperate in any capacity until the donuts materialized. Ivy had demanded a contract be drawn up. She wanted their deal in writing. Gordon had made up excuses about time being of the essence, but then the Rodent had given his word and Ivy had reluctantly accepted it.

"The locations?" Batman demanded impatiently.

"Mhmm" She was still chewing when she replied, "Yea, I… uh… made… you a list." She handed Batman a piece of binder paper with several hastily scrawled addresses, there was a dollop of jam on the page along with several grease spots. She continued to attack the donut happily.

Gordon gave the list a once over. "You do realize that you're going to help us look, don't you?"

Harley's eyes widened as she licked some glaze off of her finger. "Uh…" She looked at Ivy who was leaning against the kitchen counter with her arms crossed. She had been watching their 'guests' very carefully.

"Remember, if you don't lead us to him then the deal is off." Gordon reminded her.

She sighed. "Okay."

Ivy pushed herself off the counter. "We'll get dressed."

"You don't need to come, Isley."

Harley answered, "She's comin' or I'm stayin'."

"Fine. But she better behave herself."

Ivy rolled her eyes at Gordon's pathetic attempt to control the situation as she followed Harley upstairs. Once they were inside the bedroom Ivy shut the door behind them. "What do you think of all this, Harl?" She asked honestly.

Harley looked sad, "I think… I think we need to stop Mistah J."

Ivy nodded. She leaned in and kissed Harley on the forehead as she rubbed her back affectionately. She said softly, "I really didn't mean it, you know."

Harley gave her a peck on the lips. "I know, Red."

Once they were wearing more appropriate attire they made their way back downstairs. Harley was wearing a simple red short-sleeved button up shirt with black jeans and her favorite pair of red Converse. She accented her ensemble with a black goth tie. Ivy wore her leafy one-piece, which was really an extension of her own body more than a separate article of clothing. As they headed towards the door she grabbed her coat and purse too. She would never understand how Harley managed without a handbag. Once they were outside they were hastily ushered to the back of a police car.

"You must be crazy if you think I'm riding in the back of this thing." Ivy said with disdain as she glared at the patrol car.

"Quinn in the front,  _you_  in the back." Gordon said in a way that brokered no disagreement. "Or you go back inside." He opened the back door and stared at her expectantly. She crossed her arms.

"I have a better idea. I'll take my own car." Ivy snapped and headed towards the car she and Harley had been using as of late. Harley sat down in the passenger's seat of the patrol car. She could see Ivy's expression in the rear view mirror as she pulled her car up behind Gordon's. She was scowling fiercely. This was going to be a long night, but with any luck they could be free women.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

They had been driving around for several hours. They had gone to several hideouts and as soon as Harley stepped out of the car, she could to tell that they wouldn't find anyone. The police had decided to look  _anyway_ of course, which only added to Harley and Ivy's mutual frustration. What was the point in forcing them to come along if they weren't going to take any advice? They were just pulling away from the umpteenth hideout, when Harley remembered something that Joker had once mentioned to her offhandedly.

"Wait!" Harley yelped.

Gordon slammed the breaks. "What is it?"

"I need ta speak ta B-Man!"

Gordon frowned. Batman wasn't actually a member of law enforcement. If he was a petty person he would have made an issue about it, but considering the stakes it just wasn't worth it. He said something into his radio and the Batmobile pulled up beside them.

Ivy watched from her car, which was directly behind Gordon's, as Harley hopped out and jogged up to the Rodent's window. She was gesturing animatedly and the Rodent seemed to be saying something. Ivy thought she could make out the outline of Catwoman in his passenger seat. She was probably still fuming about earlier, no doubt. Ivy grinned.

Soon they were off to what Ivy hoped was the location of the hideous little man. The faster they got this over with the faster they could go home. After driving across town they eventually pulled into a secluded area near the docks. Ivy noticed that the police had shut the headlights off of their cars to which she immediately followed suit so that they would not be visible in the dark.

After observing law enforcement for a few moments, Ivy got out of her car when she saw Harley step outside the patrol car. Harley hung back at the car as Gordon went over to discuss things with Batman and his officers. Catwoman was leaning languidly against the passenger side of the Batmobile as she went out of her way to ignore Harley and Ivy.

Ivy sidled up beside the blond. "So you think he'll be here, Harl?" They were both staring at the group of law enforcement officers as they strategized with Batman. They were out of hearing distance.

She nodded. "I know he will." She turned to Ivy and gave her a peck on the cheek suddenly.

Ivy smirked, "What was that for?"

"For being the bestest friend I ever had." The blond squeezed her hand tightly for a few seconds before she let it drop to her side. Ivy raised an eyebrow at her sudden change in demeanor. Harley was probably nervous about running into Puddin again, though in all fairness, Ivy was concerned as well. It's not like he  _wouldn't_  try to kill them. Harley headed towards the group when Batman beckoned her over. He was setting up some of his equipment. Ivy tagged along and watched them all carefully- just because they agreed to their 'deal' didn't mean she'd ever trust them.

Batman answered before the blond could open her mouth. "I'm setting up surveillance equipment." He switched on what appeared to be some kind of overpriced custom bat-themed monitor. "Catwoman is scouting for activity. I gave her a camera." Ivy's gaze immediately shot to the Batmobile where she had last seen the burglar lazing about. Sure enough, she was gone. Selina may have annoyed Ivy immensely, but she had to admit that if she was good for anything it was sneaking about.

Batman moved his left hand to the side of his head. He was obviously speaking into a communicator. "Thanks, Catwoman."

He addressed Gordon. "Joker's henchmen are here. They're unloading crates from the docks." He turned to Harley. "You ready, Quinn?"

The blond nodded reluctantly. Ivy's eyes narrowed. The plant-hybrid put her hands on her hips. "Ready for  _what_  exactly?" She asked suspiciously. Her eyes darted between Batman and Harley. Batman fixed some kind of wire behind the collar of her shirt.

"Harley?!" She snapped. She did not like the direction this appeared to be going in.

She tried to sound confident, "I'll be fine, Red. I just gotta make sure he's here and the bomb's here. Then we can go home."

"What?!" Ivy hissed.

"It's part of the deal, Isley." Gordon added.

She got right up in Gordon's face, "Screw that! Our deal was that Harley  _lead_  you to the Joker. Not find the bomb or unicorns or whatever else kind of MacGyver bullshit you decide to come up with!"

"Our situation has changed." He said evenly, his eyes narrowing at the irate woman.

"No,  _your_  situation has changed, not mine and not Harley's. We have a deal! And that deal does not include doing the GCPD's jobs for them."

Gordon tried to explain; surely any decent person would sympathize. "He has hostages now. A group of school kids went missing on their way to the school bus. We just confirmed it was his goons that took them."

Ivy shrugged, he was trying to appeal to the last person that would care about miniature meat sacks, "And tell me why this is our problem?" She paced agitatedly, "Tell me why its Harley's fault that you can barely keep this hole of a city from being nothing more than one big free-for-all?"

"Red." Harley put a calming hand on her shoulder. It didn't work.

"I knew this would happen. I knew we couldn't trust you." She was moving forward and Gordon took a step back. "As soon as you felt like it, you'd start changing our agreement without our consent!"

"If you take another step I'll have you put in handcuffs!" Gordon threatened.

Harley pulled her arm hard enough to make her refocus her attention on her. "Red. Please. It's okay…"

"No, it's  _not_  okay. You already lead them to his gang's activity. You shouldn't have to put yourself in harm's way!" She pointed at Gordon, "That's his job."

"Ivy, I'm goin'."

"Then so am I."

"No. It'll mess up the plan and we might all go kablooie!" She made a circular gesture with her arms. "Look, I'm just gonna sneak ovah and find him… Then I'll sneak back. That's it."

Ivy sighed. "You'd better be careful."

"I will." She chirped.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

Harley poked her head around the corner of the building as she snuck nearer to the loading docks. She could feel a cold breeze whip around her ears and the smell of salt water assaulted her nose. The entire situation felt surreal. When Batman showed up at the house she thought for sure he'd try to drag them back to Arkham, but instead here she was doing the GCPD's bidding.

Harley froze as she heard voices in the distance and was able to make out several figures. She recognized them immediately as members of Joker's gang. The clown themed attire was a dead giveaway. They were milling around near what she assumed had to be the perimeter of Joker's activities. Harley had a lot of experience with sneaking so getting by them hadn't been much of a problem.

After sneaking for an interminable amount of time and staying in the shadows, she ducked behind several crates that were near the wall of an old storage building. Peering between the boxes, she was able to make out a group of henchmen passing by. The further she went the more activity she witnessed. That's when she heard it- that odd, grating voice that could only belong to the Joker.

"Hurry it up! I haven't got all night! I have a city to terrorize!"

"Yes, Boss."

The henchman scurried past to do his master's bidding. Harley's heart was racing. Here she was surrounded by Joker's henchmen and the only thing protecting her was a stack of crates. She couldn't see Joker, but she had an idea of where he was standing. She was just thinking about finding a better spot to hide when she heard one of the henchmen say, "It's that crate over there."

' _Oh crud_.' She thought. Her eyes darted around wildly in search of a new place to hide. There was a dumpster, but it was a ways away. It was too far actually.  _'What do I do?!'_  she thought in a mantra. As the hulking clown henchmen came over to inspect one of the crates, Harley managed to move far enough away that she was out of sight.

'Clang!'

She slammed her eyes shut in dismay as she accidentally shifted what was apparently an old aluminum baseball bat. The irony was not lost on her.

"What the hell was that?! There's someone over here!"

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

Ivy watched the scene play out on Batman's surveillance monitor. Catwoman had been tagging along at a distance, keeping the harlequin within view of her camera. Much to Ivy's horror, Harley popped out from behind the crate.

"Mistah J!" Harley exclaimed excitedly. They were able to pick up the audio via the wire Batman had put on Harley.

The Joker was as shocked as everyone else, but he quickly tried to hide it. "Harley!?"

"Oh Puddin'!" She pranced up to him and nearly tackled him in excitement. "I missed you sooooo much! I've been lookin' all over for you."

"Get off of me you nincompoop!" He barked in annoyance.

He was surprisingly relieved that Harley had returned. Not because he cared (perish the thought!), but because it would help him save face. The guys at the lounge didn't know what the hell they were talking about. Harley would always belong to  _him_ , and plant-girl was just an experiment gone terribly wrong. He smiled at his own pun. Joker was not a forgiving person, however. He was going to get the dipstick later, but he had more important matters to worry about at the moment and time was of the essence. It was only a matter of time before the Bat found out and would try to ruin his carefully laid plans. Besides, he might have a use for Harley after all.

Ivy watched the monitor in horror as her worst fears were realized. She went back to him.  _Again._  After several nauseating minutes, or perhaps it was seconds… Ivy was in such a state of shock that she felt like time was standing still and dragging itself out all at the same time. She watched as the gushing blond eventually got into a car with that monster and sped away.

Ivy was speechless. She couldn't find words to express the fury and pain she was experiencing, though she had to admit that she couldn't really be too surprised by it. She was, but she wasn't _._  Harley had been  _hers_  this time. She had been hers for so long and just when she thought things were going to work in their favor  _this_ happened. She glanced over at her nemesis that they'd been coerced into assisting. She blamed the Rodent for this.

It was his fault that Harley had been put in the direct path of that monster. As Ivy observed him she realized that he wasn't surprised by this development. Her eyes flashed, "You knew this would happen! You dragged her here  _knowing_  she wouldn't be able to say no!"

Batman turned to regard her. He was more curious at her reaction than anything. He wasn't privy to the details of their personal lives. He didn't understand just how angry Joker was at Harley. At both of them. And realistically he probably wouldn't care anyway. "Of course. Didn't you?"

ARrrrrrrrggh! So this is what it felt like to have her pulmonary muscle explode.

"I attached a tracking device to her shoe when she was distracted because I knew she'd destroy the wire. They go to his hideout, and she leads us right to the hostages and most likely the bomb. Then we figure out a plan of attack."

All she felt was numbness in the cavity that her heart had formerly resided in.

She wasn't even aware that her own lips were moving. "And what if he decides to kill her for leaving him? Did that ever occur to your minuscule rodent brain?" Joker was a user. He would just use Harley before he killed her. She knew that the evil clown had a long memory and he would get around to punishing the blond for leaving him.

"Under the circumstances it was a chance I was willing to take."

"Damn you!" Ivy spun on her heal and stormed away from the surveillance footage. "We had a deal. Now get out of my way!"


	17. Chapter 17: Unfriendly Persuasion

 

 

Ivy drifted into her hideout like a ghost and tossed her car keys on the coffee table. Her legs moved with purpose, but her mind was replaying the evening in her head. Her subconscious mind had done a passable job of auto-piloting her home and shutting the door behind herself. She was only startled out of her reverie when an agitated green kitten rubbed against her legs anxiously. Even Sprout knew something was wrong. She absently scooped up the cat, cradling it to her body, she flopped down on the couch and proceeded to sulk.

Ivy was torn.

A part of her wanted to go on a killing spree to properly vent her rage on human society that would hopefully result in the death and destruction of the Joker, Batman, and Gotham City at large. The other part just wanted to curl up into a sniveling pathetic ball, eat several cartons of ice cream, and die. Ivy wasn't sure how long she sat on the couch holding the cat. She held onto him like he was her lifeline- her only living connection to the bouncy blond that had broken her heart, yet  _again._  Ivy realized she must have nodded off at some point because it was no longer dark outside. Harley had gone off with that lunatic in the wee hours, so it was later in the morning. A young birch sapling outside told her it was sometime around seven.

Slipping back into the recesses of her mind, she was only interrupted from her depressing train of thought when Sprout launched himself out of her lap. Running halfway to the front door, he spun around and stared at Ivy expectantly.

_Meow!_

There was a hesitant wrapping on the front door. Could it be Harley? Ivy darted towards the door and yanked it open only to be greeted by… Pamela rolled her eyes in disgust.

" _You._ "

"Ivy-"

"If you hadn't come here this  _never_  would have happened!"

Ivy slammed the door and stalked back into the living area to reaffix herself to the couch. Only Catwoman's arm kept it from shutting as she all but forced her way inside in a rather annoying fashion.

"I would have thought you'd had enough of my plants last night," Ivy said dangerously. Though the lack of energy behind the threat made Ivy come across as being tired.

"Look, I know you're upset." Selina was genuinely sympathetic. Reasoning with her would be easier without Batman looming over them.

"You know nothing!" Ivy hissed.

"I was pretty sure I'd come back to the Batmobile only to find that it had been swallowed up by plants in a fit of rage. Imagine my surprise when I realized that the great and powerful Poison Ivy had slunk back home with her tail between her legs."

Ivy didn't have the energy to argue. She was right. She had slunk back home like a wounded animal. Actually, that's exactly what she felt like at the moment. But speaking of the Batmobile… "How the hell did you get here? Don't tell me he's hanging out in my driveway again."

"He's with the police tracking Joker." She smiled slyly, "I may have  _borrowed_  a police motorcycle. They owed me for helping. That bike is as good as mine."

Ivy rolled her eyes at the thief's questionable logic. "So what do you want?" Her tone didn't have the same bite to it.

"The Joker has made his demands."

Ivy let out a howl of laughter. "Oh and what are they? Ooo let me guess: all restaurants should stay open for 24 hours and everyone in Gotham should fuck off and die?"

"Actually, he wants  _you_ , Ivy. You, Batman, 30.53 million dollars… And a box of purple cocktail umbrellas." Ivy looked at her sharply. "Don't ask. I don't get it either and I don't think I want too."

"Of course he wants the Rodent- everyone wants  _him_." Ivy grumbled petulantly, sounding rather petty. "And I am very beautiful as you are well aware. But surely he knows that I'm rarely cooperative. I'm not 'hopping to it' because some damn clown demands it. I suppose he thought he'd use Harley as leverage over me. Well they can both go to hell for all I care."

"But Harley needs you."

"Obviously  _not_. It's probably more apt to say that Batman or the police  _need me._  That's why you're here isn't it? To convince me to help you do something or other? Well, why should I care?"

"Harley is in danger."

"You sure as hell weren't this concerned about her safety when you and the police strong-armed us into helping!"

"Joker has to be stopped! That doesn't mean I wanted her to run off with him!"

Ivy sneered, "And here I thought you were just auditioning to join the Batclan."

Selina clenched her fists as she found that accusation deeply offensive. "Did it ever occur to you that Harley might be  _pretending?_ "

"Hmm… Let me think for a moment…" Ivy appeared to be thoughtful. " **No**.  _It didn't_."

"What if she is pretending? What if she needs-"

"What if she isn't?! What if this is  _exactly_  what she wants? She has an addiction. He is her mental illness! And I'm sick of combating it. IF being kicked around is what she wants then who am I to prevent nature from taking its course. Here I am letting my feelings get in the way of Nature's Law. I, of all people, should know better." She griped bitterly. If Harley had been taken forcibly then they wouldn't be having this conversation. But the sheer jubilation in the blond's voice as she bounded over to him gave Ivy pause…

"I don't think you really mean that."

"Don't I?"

"I never thought I would see you so…" Selina searched for the term, "So…  _Defeated_."

"No one has defeated me." Ivy snapped indignantly.

"Ever heard of this thing called self-defeat _?_  Of course, no one has defeated you. You never even gave anyone the opportunity because you defeated yourself and saved anyone else the trouble."

Pamela rolled her eyes. Who did Selina think she was playing? She was talking to Poison Ivy for Gaia's sake. Ivy manipulated others not the other way around. "If this is your pathetic attempt to coerce me into some form of action you will be sorely disappointed!"

"Who said anything about coercion? I'm just stating facts," Selina paced around the living room with her hands behind her back. "You're _Poison Ivy_. Can you imagine how disappointing it is for me come here and find you practically balled up on the couch sobbing into your cat's shoulder?"

She pouted, "What I do in my home is none of your business." Ivy grimaced. She sounded pathetic even to herself.

Selina let out a loud bark of laughter, "Oh wow is that your comeback, Pammy?"

She loathedthat nickname and Selina knew it. Ivy said in a low and angry voice, "I'm not interested in playing your games, Selina. What is it that you want from me?"

Selina stopped pacing and turned to face Ivy. Gone was her glib demeanor and in its place was determination. She quickly crossed the span of the living room to stand right in front of Ivy, she got up in her face and stared her in the eye. Her tone was like ice, "Games? I never came here to play games with you, Ivy. Joker has an explosive that can take out half the city.  _You_  are one of his demands. And I'm here to make sure he gets it."

Now it was Pamela's turn to laugh. "So you go from worrying about Harley's safety to wanting to save all of Gotham. What's the matter Catwoman? Are you afraid you won't have anyone left to steal from?"

Her voice was laced with exasperation, "What about your deal with Gordon?"

Ivy shrugged noncommittally, "If Joker blows all of you up then I won't have to worry about a deal anymore, will I? Either way I get a pass, Sweetheart."

Was Selina interpreting Ivy's response to the situation all wrong? Had the affront of Harley's departure sent Ivy reeling from love to hate all within the span of several hours? She realized that Ivy probably had a whole host of mood disorders, but that seemed unlikely even for someone as imbalanced as her. Realizing that she was fighting a losing battle, Selina took a step back and studied her quietly for a few seconds. When she finally spoke she was genuinely confounded.

"What the hell happened to you?" Ivy crossed her arms and refused to look at Selina. "I had hoped that not letting the Joker win would have been more than enough to motivate you to come with me."

Ivy smiled glumly, "Apparently you were wrong." She motioned to the door flippantly and said, "Now that you have exhausted all of your options, feel free to leave."

Catwoman sighed. "Actually there is one more option, Pamela. I was hoping it wouldn't come down to this."

"Oh?"

Selina reeled back and socked Ivy in the face.

"You… You…  _Dare?_!" Ivy was completely dumbstruck as she felt her nose to see if it was bleeding. She hadn't seen that one coming, though in hindsight she realized she probably should have. That was certainly enough to motivate her out of her seat as she snarled and lunged at the woman in outrage.

Selina nimbly evaded her sloppy attempts at physical violence as the green woman swung at her in a blind rage. After a few more moments of Selina's taunting, Ivy seemed to come to her senses and her hand-to-hand attacks improved somewhat, becoming more precise with Catwoman barley being able to block a few. The leather clad woman somersaulted off of a wall to end up behind a startled Ivy, which she followed up with a roundhouse kick that the redhead was barely able to block.

"It really pains me to say this, especially considering how enormous your ego already is, but I have to admit that you are easily one of the most powerful rogues  _ever_."

Ivy laughed triumphantly as she struck Selina solidly with one of her vines, sending the woman flying across the room. She may have despised Selina in that moment, but the narcissist within couldn't help but beam at the description of her own epicness. "Tell me something I don't know."

"The most powerful rogue in Gotham and yet you're a chronic loser!"

"I'm not losing now, am I?" Ivy sneered as she stood over the thief. Selina picked herself up off the floor slowly and dusted herself off. Her breathing was labored as she had clearly had the wind knocked out of her.

"Think about it, Pam. Batman and other heroes manage to beat you most of the time and then you end up right back in Arkham."

Using her enhanced strength, Ivy backhanded Selina, sending the woman reeling back until she bumped up against the wall. Ivy let out an amused bark as she stalked closer to her. She grabbed a stunned Selina by the throat and held her against the wall as she gloated, "Oh, do tell me more, Catwoman. Why am I a chronic loser?"

Selina smiled despite the trickle of blood from her lip. "It isn't because they're more powerful than you and it isn't even because they're smarter."

Ivy arched an eyebrow expectantly.

"It's because you're vain." Before she could even blink. Selina head butted her viciously and shoved her backwards easily. Selina launched a pair of bolas at the green woman's legs, tangling themselves around her, she toppled over awkwardly. "Pride comes before a fall, as they always say," The brunette smiled chummily. Ivy realized that Selina had been feigning her injuries as she no longer moved in a labored fashion. "That same vanity is the reason you're refusing to help Harley!"

"Well played." Ivy, embarrassed, quietly unraveled the bolas and picked herself up from the floor. She said calmly. "Now get the fuck out of my house."

Selina eyed her carefully. One wrong move and she could blow this entire opportunity to get Ivy out of the door. "Ya know what I think?"

"I'm sure you're going to tell me," Ivy snapped.

"I don't think you're really capable of love, Pamela." An amused snort came from Ivy's direction. "You claim to care about her, yet you are remarkably unmotivated when she needs you the most. I think your whole relationship was just an ownership thing. She was just a prized possession to you, a toy. A toy that has gone back to its previous owner- the Joker."

Ivy exploded at the insinuation, "Of course I care! I care about her more than anyone else has  _ever_  cared about her! And you have a lot of nerve saying that to me you fair-weather bitch. Where the hell were you when Harley was hurt? When she needed comforting? I've always been there for her, but there comes a point when even I have to acknowledge that if she wants to do something then she's going to do it no matter how bone-headed it is. Look at all the times she left me for Joker! Her track record doesn't really suggest that she wants to be rescued."

"Yes, but this is the first time since you've officially become involved that she's left you. Am I right?" Selina was met with stony silence. "And she wasn't exactly clamoring to get back to him. And that's saying quite a bit for Harley. Because we both remember just how much she'd prattle on about ' _Puddin'_  when we were a team." Selina's tone became softer and more sympathetic, "Ivy, you've always been someone that has to constantly be in control and in this situation you've lost that- Batman's involved, the police are involved, hell, I'm involved, and Joker has whisked Harley away to some location with an explosive. I think you're  _terrified_ , Ivy. It's much easier for you to convince yourself that you're angry with her, that your relationship is over. It'll make it easier when Joker finally murders her."

Ivy turned away and quickly swiped her eyes so that the thief wouldn't see the tears. The brunette could tell by her posture and breathing that she was trying not to cry. "Nothing…" Her voice was hoarse, "Nothing could ever make that easy."

Selina was in awe. Tonight she had conversed with Angry Ivy, Apathetic Ivy, Stubborn Ivy, Vain Ivy, Depressed Ivy and now she was seeing Concerned Ivy. Her psychiatrists must've had a field day with her, the brunette mused. However, the opportunity that was being presented by the sudden reappearance of the green woman's humanity would not be wasted.

"She didn't think the explosives would be at the docks."

She sniffed. "So?"

"She implied that following the Joker would lead us to the location of those explosives…"

Ivy thought back to her conversation with the Rodent. He had mentioned a tracking device. "But…" Ivy was about to say something, but stopped herself. No, it was too much to hope for. It was too much to think that this was all some clever ruse or Harley's definition of being 'undercover'. No, she couldn't let herself believe it only to be let down again. She couldn't take another betrayal. It hurt too much.

Could Selina be telling the truth? Or was she just lying to get Ivy to do what she wanted? Ivy thought back, Harley had seemed nervous, but given the circumstances her behavior was not unreasonable. Harley thanked her for being a friend almost as though she was trying to say goodbye. Had Harley planned to go off with that maniac all along? Could she have been pretending? Or did she just know that she would be unable to resist him? Pamela was uncertain. She sat up a little straighter and her eyes became moist as she felt a tendril of hope take root in her heart.

"You aren't going to stop nagging me are you?"

Selina felt her hopes skyrocket at the lightness in Ivy's tone. "Nope!" And she realized she'd have a hell of a time forcing the hybrid.

Ivy sounded thoroughly put out, "Oh  _alright_. I'll go save Harley from the terrible decisions that she makes.  _Yet again._ " Ivy turned and headed up the stairs.

"Wait! Where you going?"

Ivy paused to explain, "Harley forgot her coat."

Selina blinked. "So?"

The green woman shrugged, and staring at Selina as though everything should be perfectly obvious, she managed to make the burglar feel like an idiot for deigning to ask such a stupid question. "Harley catches cold very easily." And with that she disappeared at the top of the stairs and a few moments later she came back down with coat in hand. It was times like this when Selina remembered that it was these little things that separated her from the loonies that they put in Arkham.

"We should take my car." Ivy's suggestion was more of a command.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

 

Harley had humored the Joker all the way back to his current hideout, remembering to laugh at his stupid jokes at the appropriate times and to tell him how brilliant he was. She did her best to surreptitiously take stock of the vast warehouse that was home to his current operations. Fortunately for her, Joker was spending most of his time on the phone with police negotiators. She was never entirely present though, in the back of her mind her thoughts swirled around Ivy. As soon as she found out where the bomb and the hostages were she could have B-Man come in and save the day. Then she could apologize to Ivy because she knew she was upset right now. She just hoped they could still work things out when this was over, assuming they didn't all go kablooie, of course. She also hoped that Batman would still be able to track them since she had dumped the police wire; if Joker discovered it then it would have significantly reduced her life expectancy.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

 

Ivy grumbled to her passenger as they sped down the interstate towards the warehouse district, "Hitting me was unnecessary, Selina. I am very beautiful as you're well aware."

Catwoman rolled her eyes. Ivy had bitched about her face for almost the entire ride across town. It was 'I'm so beautiful' interspersed with 'I wonder if Harley wants macaroni and cheese.' After what felt like an eternity, they finally arrived at the outskirts of the warehouse district. Parking the car a ways from the police barricade, Ivy allowed Selina to lead her over to Batman.

"About time you showed up." Batman almost sounded as though he were complaining, like a supervisor whose secretary had just disappointed him with her tardiness.

Ivy felt her blood pressure rise at his tone. Selina managed to cut in before the green woman could get fired up, "What's the situation?"

"He's threatening hostages now."

The evil clown's jovial voice could be heard over a loudspeaker, "Hello coppers!" The Joker cackled gleefully, "I hope you don't plan on doing something silly because if you do then I'll have Harley execute these little angels! You don't want that do you?"

Ivy snorted, "As if Harley would ever do such a thing."

"The day is young." Batman grumbled.

"You may not think much of us, but even we have standards."

"Of course you do." Batman's serious tone could almost be interpreted as snide.

Ivy crossed her arms and glared at both of them, "So what exactly am I supposed to do? I'm sure you didn't send your pet to fetch me so that I could play hostage negotiator… "

Batman turned to look at her, "Joker has all the entrances and exits secured- even the ones from the sewer system and the roof. We need your help getting in."

"You mean you want me to  _create_  an entrance for you?"

"As quickly as possible."

Ivy smirked, "I think that can be arranged."

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

 

Harley's eyes bulged as she listened to Mistah J ranting on the other end of the phone. "Uh oh. I just caught one of Gordon's SWAT team snooping about." Joker cackled maniacally before speaking in a more sinister tone, "You know what that means for the hostages, Harley!"

Harley worried her bottom lip as she spoke into the cell phone. "But they're a buncha a kids Puddin'. Who cares?"

"I know Harley! Who  _indeed_? So that means you shouldn't have any problem doing it, isn't that  _right_?" His statement was met with silence. "I mean I wouldn't want to think that you weren't happy to be back with me." There was an obvious threat in his voice.

Harley muttered quietly, "I'll take care of it, Mistah J."

"Of course you will!"

They were just kids. They weren't even like Ivy's CEO's that waged war on the natural world. They were just a bunch of kids. They had been on their way home from school. Harley Quinn was a lot of things: a thief, an anarchist, a failed psychiatrist, a flake, an airhead, a terrorist, and when necessary- even a killer. But she didn't do anything that involved children or animals. No, this is where she drew the line. And it wasn't one of those fine ambiguous lines that could become muddied; it was as thick and impenetrable as Ivy's self-esteem.

"Hiya, kids. My name is Harley."

"Miss Harley?" A little girl with blue coveralls and brown hair asked hesitantly. "Can we go home now? I wanna go home now." Her big brown eyes welled up with tears. She was one of the smallest ones- Harley's guess was kindergarten.

"Sweetie. I want you all to go home too, but if you want to go home ya gotta do what I ask, okay?"

Their little sullen faces nodded. "Okay, so first I need ya all ta move to the back of the room and sit close to each other. Okay, now I need ya all ta face the wall and shut ya eyes."

"Good. Now no matter what you hear you just keep your little eyes closed okay?"

They nodded and closed their eyes.

Feeling a little better about what she was going to do, Harley pulled out her pistol. "Damn Quinn," One of Joker's henchmen chuckled. "You're a cold bitch."

"Yea." She smiled sweetly. He laughed harder and she laughed louder too. Then she aimed the pistol.

_POP._

_POP._

_POP._


	18. Chapter 18: The End is the Beginning

 

 

POP.

The henchmen gurgled and coughed as he sank to the floor.

"Now who's the cold one?"

She exited the room knowing that there were two other henchmen that would come running to investigate the gunshots. As she headed down the hall she could hear thundering footsteps as Joker's henchmen came barreling down the around the corner.

"Quinn are you-"

POP.

POP.

"Hey!"

POP.

POP

She headed back to the room, and making a mental note that there were seven of them, she said, "Okay kids, it's me again. Now keep your eyes closed and just do what I tell ya." She made her way over to each one and made them stand and form a single-file line. She moved each child's arms so that they understood to place their hands on the shoulders of the kid in front of them. "Now no peeking! We're gonna walk for a bit and I'll tell you when you can open your eyes."

Taking the hand of the child in the front, she quietly led them out of the room and down the hall past the two dead henchmen. After turning the corner she told them they could open their eyes. The little brunette, the same one she had spoken to earlier immediately began whimpering uncontrollably. "Oh come here, sweetie." Harley picked her up and carried her and motioned for the others to follow her. They ran down several long corridors until Harley found a door that would lead them outside. Unfortunately it was chained shut.

She put the little girl down and had everyone stand back. Pulling out her pistol, she shot off the padlock and unraveled the chain. Carefully opening the door she poked her head outside. She could tell from the angle of the building that they were at the side of the large warehouse and in the distance she could see the police cars. "Okay guys, we have to be real quiet and stay close to the wall okay?" They nodded in understanding and followed close behind her. As she approached the front of the building she peeked around the corner and couldn't see any henchmen in front of the warehouse. Of course not- they didn't want to get gunned down by the police, but that didn't mean Joker didn't have snipers in the windows- as a matter of fact she was expecting it.

Studying the immediate area she noticed a tall set of shrubs off to their left. Tall enough to conceal them. The shrubs had a dusting of red on the tips of the leaves that immediately reminded her of Ivy. She was determined to finish this and get back to her if it was the last thing she did.

"Okay guys, see those shrubs. You'll have to hide behind them and make your way to the police, but you have to stay real low and be real quiet the whole time. Understand?" It was a lengthy crawl they'd have to make, but they could do it.

The oldest ones understood right away, but the smaller ones seemed uncertain. "C'mon you can do it." She urged them on.

The little brunette said to her, "Thank you, Miss Harley." Getting on her hands and knees she crawled after the others. Harley waited until they had all made it to the other side. When they got close to the police cars several SWAT members grabbed them and took them to safety. Harley released a breath she had been holding in. She headed back inside. She had unfinished business. If anyone knew how to find and defuse Joker's bomb, she would. She was always better at making them than he was.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

A heavy silence had blanketed the police perimeter at the sound of the gunshots. Time stood still for several agonizing minutes as Gordon considered the consequences of his failure to negotiate with the clown terrorist. A few seconds after the gunshots, he noticed the familiar cackling of the Joker through his walkie-talkie. Slamming the device down onto the pavement in outrage, breaking it into several pieces, the evil laughter stopped abruptly as the batteries scattered across the cement. His intense moment of fury ended in relief when a member of SWAT, smiling, discreetly directed his attention to where the children were being brought to the other side of the police barricade. His immediate thought was that it had to be Batman who had released the hostages, but realizing that it was impossible since Batman had just left, that meant that it must have been Harley or someone else on the inside that released them. Perhaps dropping her arrest warrant wouldn't be the worst mistake he could ever make.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

Joker located-  _check_. Hostages released-  _check_. The only thing Harley had left to do was locate the explosive and then she and Ivy would no longer have to worry about the police or the Joker. Harley knew that the bomb Joker flaunted to the police, the one in the main room with him, was just a decoy to distract Batman and the authorities. He must have hidden the real one somewhere else, and if she knew Mistah J, he probably put it somewhere the police would be least likely to search.

Joker's thugs were spread around the exterior of the warehouse, but inside the actual building they were mostly concentrated where the Joker was, with the scant few that had been supervising the hostages. However, the manufacturing part of the warehouse was empty. There was no one to be seen- no police, no thugs, no nothing.

It had to be there.

Harley jogged down a long, dimly lit, gray corridor. It was only a matter of time before Joker realized what she had done. Time was of the essence. Hoping that she was running in the right direction, Harley made a left at the fork. Just as she rounded the corner she found herself standing face to face with that familiar evil grin. "Going somewhere, Harl?"

"M… m… Mistah J!"

He smiled and calmly inquired, "Why is the news reporting that the hostages have been released?"

"Um…"

"Are you trying to make me look like an  _idiot_ , Harley?"

"Mistah J I…"

She didn't have time to finish her sentence as she was viciously head-butted. Grabbing her by her hair as she kicked and screamed, Joker dragged her into a nearby storage room.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

Batman addressed his two, albeit odd companions. "Gordon is reporting that the hostages were released." He was clearly relieved. This would simplify his objective significantly.

"I like good news." Selina said.

Ivy snapped, "I told you that Harley would never do such a thing!"

Batman answered in a superior tone, "There's a first time for  _everything_."

She glowered at the Dark Knight as small green tendrils forced their way through the crevices of a tiny vent positioned above them. Ivy made the plants pause in their growth pattern and she looked to Catwoman and Batman for confirmation. They were underneath the building standing in the wake of a huge serpentine vine. She had managed to coil it like a giant garden hose beneath the foundation of the building. "Once I break through the floor it's unlikely that the noise will go unnoticed."

"Understood."

Nodding, her eyes glowed and there was a loud crumbling noise as the growth knocked out a sizable portion of what constituted the floor of one of the many rooms in the abandoned facility. Ivy was content to allow The Rodent to take the lead on this.

"Ivy, you come with me. Catwoman, you look for the bomb."

Ivy demanded imperiously, "I'd rather look for Harley."

"And miss the opportunity to thrash Joker?"

Ivy was positively torn as she weighed her options. He was in need of a good thrashing…

" _Fine_."

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

With her head held high and a sashay that seemed more appropriate for a runway model than a wanted criminal, Ivy strode down a long dusty corridor with a haughtiness unique to her personality all while keeping pace alongside her crime fighting nemesis, who by comparison stalked through the halls like a hungry animal. Once an open doorway was within sight, Batman sprinted wordlessly down the corridor towards what Ivy assumed was the clown's location and by extension the explosive's. If he thought that Ivy was going to try to keep up with him then he had another thing coming. The way he took off without her sent the redhead two very distinct messages: 1.) that he didn't expect her to be of any assistance whatsoever and 2.) that he'd rather she hadn't become involved at all.  _'Then he shouldn't have come to my house,'_  Ivy muttered to herself.

_POPOPOPOPOPOP!_

Ivy recognized the familiar sound of automatic gunfire. Though that gunfire was typically trained in her direction by the police. She assumed that the Rodent had made contact with Joker's henchmen. She increased her stride as she was eager to see what was transpiring. Ivy eventually made it to the entryway of a vast open room filled with conveyers and various bits of old machinery. She cautiously leaned around the entrance to survey the room.

The first sight to greet her was thick, white smoke.  _Typical_. She rolled her eyes at Batman's predictable antics. She shifted her body back behind the safety of the cement entryway as she could hear a grappling sound and more gunfire. Knowing how the Bat operated, Ivy assumed he was prancing around in the rafters by this point as Joker's henchmen scrambled to find him. The panicked shouting and the sound of bullets ricocheting off of rafters and elevated pipes told her that much. After a few moments the smoke cleared, giving her a good view of the room and what would soon become  _her_  battlefield.

The room was split into two levels. There was a lower level which contained old unused conveyers, rusted equipment, and something that appeared to be a bomb. The second level, Ivy's level, was made up of metallic walkways with a thin metal bar to mark a safety barrier. On the other side of the vast room Ivy spotted the Joker; he was barking orders at his henchmen and shooting indiscriminately in the general direction of where he thought Batman might be.

She chuckled to herself as she watched two of Joker's buffoons go down at a distance, no doubt to a batarang upside the head.  _Fools_. Ivy was almost certain that this was the part when a sidekick or various other criminally confused crime fighting associate (see: Selina) would interfere to aid the flying hamster, but she wasn't either of those things. She was Poison Ivy and Batman could go straight to hell. She was perfectly content to stand there and observe the Rodent's struggle against uneven odds all by his lonesome. It would also be amusing to watch him pommel the Joker.

Some popcorn would have been nice too.

Ivy recognized this entire situation for the magnificent opportunity it was. Her two enemies were fighting each other- she could simply stand back and let nature take its course. If the Rodent was victorious, then she could benefit from the deal that she and Harley made with Gordan, but if he died… Oops! And then she could just sweep in and turn Joker into a little purple stain. Either way, Ivy felt this was an easy win. Unless of course the bomb went off… She scowled, she had nearly forgotten about that part. She sighed, perhaps it would be better if the Rodent came out on top…

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

Catwoman had been snooping about, looking for any other hostages when she was drawn to the sound of someone sniffling in a storage room.

" _Oh_ ,  _Harley!"_  Selina rushed over to the battered woman. Harley's face was badly bruised and her lip was broken. Her nose was also bleeding. By the state of her dress she could tell that other things had happened to her.  _Bad things_.

"Kitty?" She said roughly. She was crying as she tried to correct her clothing. Harley's hands were shaking terribly. She began crying more in frustration as she struggled with her buttons.

She spoke gently, "Hey." Selina gently moved the blonde's hands aside and buttoned her shirt for her. "Ivy is here, Harley. She'll be glad to see you."

"No!" Harley cried in frustration.

"Don't you want to see her?"

Harley grabbed Selina's arm in a vice-like grip. "You can't tell Red what happened."

"But Harley, she loves you she'll und-"

"She'll lose it and get herself killed! Now promise me!"

"Harley, I know that…"

"You don't know anything!" She began yelling shoving and slapping at Selina hysterically. "You promise me you won't tell her! Promise!"

Selina teared up. "I promise, Harley."

The blond calmed down and wiped her tears away. She leaned into the other woman and Selina just held her for a while. Pulling back Selina helped Harley to her feet. Her foot was obviously bothering her as she limped unsteadily. "Thanks, Kitty."

"Don't mention it. We need to get you out of here. You need help."

"No." She said sadly. "I've survived much worse." Then she explained, "Besides, I was on my way to defuse the bomb. I figured out where he hid it."

"I thought it was in the main room."

"No. That's just a decoy for the cops."

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

Stepping into the room, Ivy willed her large serpentine plant to burst forth from the center of the room. From it came a multitude of mutated tentacle-like appendages that darted outward like angry serpents, growing, and shifting to extend themselves unnaturally. The vegetation rapidly engulfed the lower level of the room and began its rapid ascent up the walls in the same fashion that ivy creeps. Some of Joker's henchmen had sense enough to flee before the exits were blocked. The others, trapped and surrounded by vegetation and out-of-control gunfire, tried to hold their ground against the monstrous plant's appendages as they closed in like heat seeking missiles on their targets.

The plants had undoubtedly caught the attention of the Joker and Batman. It awed her that Batman worked so hard and went so far out of his way to arrest henchmen just to send them back to Arkham so that they could all escape again and terrorize the populace. Batman detested killing and went well out of his way to achieve non-lethal takedowns, however, Ivy was the extreme opposite; she believed in the power of  _permanent_ solutions. So in the interest of fairness she did take into account the deal she'd made with Gordon and Batman's preference for nonlethal takedowns. She considered them for a few seconds before she resumed killing people.

With a barely perceptible flick of her wrist, a gargantuan vine swatted one of Joker's lackeys, sending him flying from the first level to the second level, tearing through a metal guardrail in the process until his body lay limp against a nearby wall at an odd angle, obviously dead.

Ivy was positively thrumming with energy as she could feel the growth's life force as acutely as she felt her own energy. There were approximately nine clown themed henchmen left. They were ridiculous looking- wearing clown masks or clown makeup. Though Ivy suspected the ones wearing masks were beginning to regret having that visual obstruction over their face. Where they had been focused on firing at Batman as he skirted around the room, they were now aiming their weapons at the vines, though their bullets had little effect save to rattle Ivy's nerves.

With another short gesture of her hand, she used another appendage on the second floor of the room directly across from where she was standing. The large vine swiped over several of them, some were sent flying headfirst over the railing to the hard floor below, while a handful were slammed into the wall with such a force that it cracked the cement wall. No one would be walking away from that.

Ivy flinched when she heard the familiar 'zing' of a batarang sailing right by her head, imbedding itself in a nearby wall. She glowered in the direction it had come from. Batman was perched on a rafter, his eyes impossible to see at a distance, but his stance told her everything she needed to know. She could almost hear his monotone voice 'no killing'. The batarang was a warning. She held his gaze defiantly as if to say, 'what are you going to do about it?' Their brief glaring match was broken by shouting as Joker launched a low-grade rocket at the plant in the center of the room.

Ivy snarled as her beautiful growth exploded when the grenade made contact. She could feel its life slipping away, but she would still make the most of what little strength it had left. She thrust her arm forward in Joker's direction, while a huge thick vine, moving at a preternatural speed, wrapped around the clown's legs, toppling him over as he dropped his weapon.

He shrieked, "You plant slut!"

The vine lifted him up before slamming him into the ground. "Ow!" The plant lifted him up again and slammed him into the ground once more, repeating this process until it had developed a momentum, body slamming him over and over again like a gorilla with a ragdoll.

"Ow!"

_Thwaaap!_

"Damn it!"

_Thwaaap!_

"You-"

_Thwaaap!_

"OW!"

_Thwaaap!_

"Slut!"

_Thwaaap!_

"I… Kill!"

_Thwaaap!_

Ivy grinned wickedly at the cartoonish scene.

The redhead took a moment to locate Batman and upon failing to do so, she realized that the little rat must have slinked off while she was distracted with pummeling the Joker. Her eyes narrowed as it occurred to her that this had probably been his plan all along: use her as cannon fodder while he went for the explosive, wherever that might be.

Ivy was about to continue in her Joker-thrashing when she heard a familiar voice, "Red!"

Ivy spun around to see Catwoman and Harley coming out of the corridor. The first thing she made a note of were the bruises on Harley's face. Catwoman was helping her hobble along over to where Ivy was standing.

"Harley." Ivy's excitement was somewhat muted as she recalled that she was still supposed to be upset with the blond for running off without so much as a word of warning. Harley was oblivious to her reception as she reached out and pulled Ivy into a hug and squeezed. The redhead returned the hug in earnest as she complained gently, "You're hurt."

"I'm justa little banged up is all."

Ivy took a step back to assess the damage that he did to Harley  _this_  time.

The plant finally entered its death throes, loosening its grip on the evil clown, giving him time to push himself to his feet. His ability to stand was a testament to his own insanity as the number of broken bones would have kept a normal person on the ground indefinitely. Pulling a revolver out of his purple suit jacket, he trained it in the direction of the two women.

"Now you can watch her die, you slut!"

"Red!"

Ivy turned and saw the flash of a gun. She pulled Harley to herself and covered her as she heard the shot go off.

Between Harley's sprained ankle and Ivy holding her so tightly, they both fell over. "Red!" Harley shook the plant hybrid but she wasn't moving. Harley rolled her over and could see greenish blood pouring down her back.

Harley glanced up to check on Joker, but he was currently being distracted by Catwoman as she whipped the gun out of his hand and vaulted over his head.

"Red!" Harley cried as she cradled the woman and rocked back and forth. "Please, Red. You have to wake up now. We have to go home now. It was supposed to be me, Red. It was supposed to be me, but I got you killed. I'm so sorry."

"No." The redhead spoke without opening her eyes. "It was supposed to be  _him._ "

"Red!" Harley showered the irate woman in kisses.

"Harley, Batman is going for the bomb, but you'd know more about how Joker wires his explosives, and Catwoman is clearly busy."

"But-"

"If we don't stop it from detonating we won't be able to outrun the blast."

"Oh, this is all my fault!"

"No. It's the Rodent's fault. And Joker's… I  _suppose_."

"Go."

Harley hesitantly stood up and jogged away.

Ivy crawled on her stomach towards one of the dead henchmen on the upper level. He had a rifle lying beside him. She glanced up to see Catwoman struggling with Joker, it should have been an easy fight for Selina, but the little bugger seemed to have an infinite number of knives and firearms in his purple suit. After what felt like an eternity, Ivy made it to the rifle and grabbed it. She frowned when she realized it wasn't actually a gun.

It was a crossbow.

Picking it up, she was surprised by how light it was considering its size. There was a single bolt lying nearby. Picking up the bolt she reached behind herself and gently swiped it along her back, wincing as she did so. She made sure the tip was coated in her toxic blood. Then she proceeded to load the somewhat awkward weapon. She failed four times before she successfully mounted the bolt properly. Now the real challenge began:

Standing up.

Pushing down with all her might she was able to push herself into a sitting position. Bracing herself against the wall on the right, she managed to get herself into some semblance of a standing position. She carefully aimed the weapon with both hands. She would only get one shot so she had to make it count.

"Are you ready to die, Kitty Kat?"

He held up a bright purple detonation remote.

Ivy tried to slow her labored breathing to steady the weapon. It was now or never. She pulled the trigger. The only thing she heard was the click of the trigger followed by silence as the bolt was released. Silence, and then angry screaming as she realized that it had embedded itself in Joker's arm, pinning it to the wall. He dropped the remote and reached over with his good hand as he cursed. Joker was resistant to many toxins and poisons; however, Ivy had dipped that bolt in enough of her own blood to send even that freak into anaphylactic shock if it didn't kill him outright.

He was already frothing at the mouth as he shrieked, "You plant bitch! You want that whore, then you can have her!"

"I don't need your permission!" Ivy spat.

As he was distracted trying to pull the bolt out of the wall to free his hand, Catwoman took her opportunity to knock him unconscious with a roundhouse kick to his head.

Leaning back against the wall, Ivy let herself slide to the floor, leaving a green trail of blood along the wall. She was so tired.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

When Harley made it to the actual bomb Batman was already at the scene. The caped crusader was sitting on a crate as he meticulously removed the lid on the trigger mechanism and flashed a light inside. The bomb itself was nothing too special as far as improvised explosives were concerned. A detonator and trigger mechanism was stored in a rectangular metal container no larger than a shoebox. It was wired to about forty barrels of high yield nuclear materials.

The Dark Knight didn't bother looking up as Harley limped over. "Is the Joker incapacitated?" He asked in his usual monotone.

"I dunno!" She chirped, "But he has a detonator, it could either blow us up outright or set the timer tickin'!"

"The timer has been activated- we're at about thirteen minutes."

Harley came over and peered over his shoulder. The box was loaded with wires of all different colors of the rainbow, with purple and green being the most common. The blond let out a low whistle. "It's pretty."

Batman rolled his eyes and got to work, carefully clipping different wires. Grabbing a thin blue wire, he moved his clippers to cut it when Harley exclaimed, "DON'T CUT THAT ONE!" The caped crusader nearly leapt out of his seat as her shrill voice obliterated his concentration.

_**Six minutes.** _

"Don't scream like that!" He snapped, "If you have something to contribute than spit it out!"

"It isn't that one." Harley rolled her eyes as if to say 'duh'.

"How do you know?"

"Because… it's blue." She punctuated her statement with a nonchalant shrug.

"And that means?" To suggest that Batman was feeling impatient would have been a tremendous understatement.

"Mistah J doesn't like blue! Cut the fat pink one instead."

"Why?"

"Because pink is EXCITING!"

_**4 minutes.** _

"Quinn, this is a life and death situation…"

"I understand!"

Batman hesitantly prepared to cut the pink wire, "You do realize that if you're wrong we all die?"

She nodded solemnly. Then as his hand twitched on the wire clippers, "WAIT! Don't cut the pink one!" He flinched, nearly dropping his clippers. "I figured it out- it's the yellow! Very clever, Mistah J! I almost didn't think of it!"

_**2 minutes.** _

Batman glared at her, "Why yellow?"

She looked at him as though he were crazy, "Because it's hilarious!"

"Quinn, get out." He pointed to door.

Harley gasped and pointed towards the back of the room, "Oh no, behind you!"

Batman stood up and spun around waiting for a fight. He was baffled when he didn't see anyone, then he turned around to see Harley grab his clippers, wink at him, and clip the yellow wire.

He braced himself for the very real possibility that they would both die in an instant. A few seconds later, he glanced at the timer, which had effectively been shut down.

"See, I told ya!" Harley chirped, "I know my boom booms!" She continued, managing to sound rather intelligent for a change, "Most of these wires aren't connected to anything, B-Man. He doesn't know how to make a complex one like I do, he probably found the formula for this thing on Youtube or somethin'. You only had to cut the one. He'd have blown himself up if he'd used any more than that!" Harley beamed with pride.

A single bead of sweat rolled down the side of Batman's face as he considered the fact that he had been briefly outwitted by Harley Quinn. "Good work, Quinn. I'll put in a good word to Gordon."

Harley sighed in relief. He stalked towards the door, but hesitated before leaving, he said to her, "We will never speak of this again."

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

When Pamela opened her eyes she was greeted by darkness. She blinked furiously thinking that she had gone blind, but calmed down upon realizing that she was actually in a darkened room. The familiar beeping and the hum of medical instruments immediately alerted her to the fact that she was likely in a hospital.

"Red?" A familiar voice whispered near her right ear. She could hear footsteps and then the lights were adjusted to be functional, but not uncomfortably bright for her.

Ivy shifted her head to the right and was able to make out Harley's familiar rosy cheeks. Her voice was rough, "Harley? Harley, are you all right?"

She was asking because she could see the bruises on the blonde's face. "Yea, don't worry about me, Red. It's justa few bruises. I'll be fine." She smiled happily and Pamela felt her squeeze her right hand. "Do you remember what happened?"

"All too well I'm afraid." Ivy chuckled.

"How ya feelin'?"

"I feel all right, but tired."

"The doctors say you're gonna make a full recovery."

"What happened to the clown?"

Harley grinned mischievously. "Yea… so Mistah J is back in Arkham and the city didn't go kablooie."

"That's good… I  _suppose_."

"Yea. And Gordon is holdin' up his end of the deal so we don't have ta worry about bein' arrested unless we commit another crime. Though we should probably still be careful because it isn't public knowledge."

"Good… that's… real good, Harl." The blond leaned in and kissed her on the forehead, "I love you. Ivy."

"I love you too, Harley." She smiled before she drifted back to sleep.

* * *

 

THE END....??


End file.
